One month...

As of last Tuesday, I've been married for a month.  It has been a busy, exhausting month but, when I think about all of the things thay we've done this month I think that getting married and living in Panama are two wonderful choices I've made in life.

Let me see, in the month of August I started teaching Spanish to 4th, 5th, 7th and 9th graders at an international school here in Panama city (less than two weeks after getting married).  I've partially moved twice this month and this week will move (hopefully for the last time) into a more permanent house.  It should be a great place to live.  I've also purchased a car and started driving in Panama city.

If you've never been to Panama you will not be able to grasp the significance of some of those acomplishments.  Driving in Panama city is one of the scariest things I've ever tried to do, I have to admit that I feel quite proud of myself for even being willing to try.  It also opens up the possibility to do a lot of things that are just impractical without a car.  We even discovered a fantastic coffee shop relatively close to my work, a great place to meet up, chat and read a book.

I've started teaching and that is a responsibility that I love.  I am thrilled to be a teacher.  This week something very exciting happened.  The International Book Fair of Panama.  Ariel and I were in heaven there.  The greatest thing that we discovered was a new literary non-ficcion journal that is starting up.  It is called El Guayacan.  I'm super excited to see something like that happening here in Panama.  I want to figure out how to be a part of something like that.

I am excited about what is happening in Panama culturally and I'm excited to maybe get to be a part of it!

excuses, excuses

I could come up with hundreds of excuses for why I haven't written very much recently.  I have so many things going on, I'm getting married, it's the end of the school year, I'm moving back to Panama, it's spring time in DC, etc. etc. etc. but, to be honest, all of that is bogus.  The truth is I have MORE to write about than I have in a long time and I've just felt overwhelmed by it all and haven't come around here to let my feelings out on the screen.

I know I have no obligation to anyone else to write but, I do disappoint myself when I don't write.  What a strange thing.  So, I'm going to start by talking about my weekend.  I have a theory about "catching up" with friends or anyone, you really have to start by asking what they did that day or that week before you can go back however many months or years you're behind.  So, I'm going to do that...in the next post.

happy (lunar) new year!

I forgot to say "happy year of the tiger" to everyone on Sunday.  I've been enjoying the "lunar new year" stamps these days as I've been loving the snow break to write cards to my friends. I think this is going to be the best year of the tiger ever.

That being said, we went back to school today after our snow storm break.  We were thinking of all the snow related compound words like "snowman", "snowball", "snowflake"... I also had to respond to the principle's question about individual's intent to return next year.  

To be honest, I teared up as I was writing it.  I am going to miss it there.  I have had a very good experience and feel like I've learned a lot.  The people have been so incredible and I'm so thankful for such a wonderful team of people.  I know I'm not leaving yet but, I want to make the most of it.

Not that I'm completely sad.  The truth is that I'm mostly happy because in addition to having to say goodbye to lots of wonderful things in my life, this year is also going to be filled with new and wonderful things (like getting married) and hopefully experiencing and learning in another school setting.

Snow! Snow! Snow!

So, if you didn't know about it already I have been in DC this past week with school canceled due to an overwhelming blizzard like snow storm.  I've actually enjoyed it, I feel like I'm living something historical!  I was also trying to recover from a pretty bad cold so, being forced to stay in was helpful.

The best part about being caught in the biggest snowstorm in the recent history of Washington, DC is that it has allowed (or forced) me to rest and reevaluate my life in a really good way.  I have had time to set goals for the next few months and think about what I'll need to do to meet those goals.  I've been working on pick up some important habits that I've let go of.  I think that integrating important habits that allow me to read more, write more, and be more active will give me an overall sense of health that is important.

Apprentice: learner, prentice, works for an expert to learn a trade

I have a lot of things rushing through my head right now. I’m tired. Being a teacher is hard. Being an apprentice is not as hard but, it’s still hard. I am being convinced, more and more, without a doubt teaching makes a difference. Teaching is probably one of the jobs that make the biggest difference in people’s lives. It may also be one of the most difficult jobs out there.

My education was so random and varied I don’t think I realized until the past couple of years that teaching is what I have been wanting to do all this time. I have wanted to be involved in helping develop stronger communities and giving people the opportunity and reasons to dream and create. All of that is hopelessly idealistic and I intend to stick to it. What it looks like in reality is much less lovely and much more incredible. The obstacles are bigger than you could imagine and the rewards are much more subtle --students learning that they like to eat vegetables, parents getting their students to the doctor, and other non-“standard based” accomplishments.

I have been working with such dedicated and excellent teachers. I admire them so much. I feel so honored and inspired working with them. Our students are actually reaching their “grade level” standards. I am exhausted but, I intend to learn all that I can so that I will also one day be as good of a teacher as the ones I’m working with right now. Their unwavering dedication to children and their learning is incredible, patience, so much patience, work, so much work, and commitment. It’s fantastic. It’s hard.

I left work feeling so disappointed. How are we supposed to teach children whose parents are caught up in their own emotional messes? If they are not nurturing their children and giving them safe homes with relationships that are secure? Some of our children are so distracted by their relational poverty that they have a very, very hard time learning. It’s difficult, but it’s still so important what we do, in spite of all the odds being against them and us, they are STILL learning. It’s hard but, it’s unbelievably rewarding.

child poverty

I went to a hearing on the impact of the recession on childhood poverty. It was very interesting. To say the least. One of the most sobering facts that were mentioned during the hearing was that children who's families started out above the poverty line before a recession and fall under the poverty line during a recession end up with similar outcomes of productivity, education, and health as those who were in poverty the entire time --even if the families are able to improve their circumstances after the recession, those children do not recover as well. Isn't that interesting and sad?

the paradox of choice

Unfortunately, I identify with this, having too many options is paralyzing.

people don't look at me funny anymore

In the newspaper this morning I read the headline "Unemployment in D.C. spikes to 9.3 percent" and then I found this interactive map in my inbox at work telling me "Unemployment Rising in Every State". These are interesting times.

It is amazing how quickly we can move from unchecked optimism and fearlessness to the shock of insecurity. We do not have everything under control all the time, things do no always go the way we expect them to.

At least people don't look at me so strangely when I say that I'm having a hard time finding a job. Last summer most people were so much more optimistic, they were all unbelieving when I was having a hard time finding a job. Today, unfortunately, some of those same people don't have jobs.

First snow day ramble...

I woke up today to see that it was snowing!! There is something so lovely and peaceful about snow. (As long as it doesn't stick around for 8 months like it does in northern Canada!) Anyway, it's cold out and I've been very sick for the past few days so, I wasn't up to go out and take some gorgeous snow pictures. I just got some really dull snow pictures just to show that there is snow. Not that you wouldn't believe me if I just told you there was snow, but it isn't the same. You know.

This also means that there is no school this afternoon because of a "snow-day". It's funny because different parts of the country have different levels of expectation for snow and what merits canceling school or work. I think that in Idaho they expect a little more than here. I remember people from other parts of Canada mocking the snow-days in Vancouver and yet, a snow day in Vancouver would be just an serious or more than a snow day in Idaho so, I think that the snow-day situation is relative to the amount of snow that you are used to seeing on a regular basis.

life is wonderful

It is so, so cold here right now! Oh my word, it is cold, about 12F! I am looking for work... I hope to find something sooner than later. I think of everyone out there who is in the same or worse position as I am, looking for work and not finding something. I hear people say, "Do you what you love" and yet, sometimes what you love doesn't really pay much. . . how do we do what we love and still live?

Like a Foreigner

Right now I feel like a foreigner here in this country. Starting a job in an environment very different than I'm used to or ever have been in really, looking for a house, going to the Metropolitan Police Department, the Department of Motor Vehicles, walking around in the cold, and well, to be honest I feel like I'm just fumbling a little.

Today, I was trying to get something done at the DMV and they said that I couldn't do it without my father's signature. I don't know about most people, but for most people that might not be that complicated. You can call him up and ask him for some advice and get some pretty quick overnight mail delivery. It made me feel like a foreigner because my father doesn't live in this country and right now he's off in some remote place where I cannot just pick up the phone and say, "Hey dad, what should I do?"

Anyway, it's really cold here and grey. I know I shouldn't be complaining, I'm happy to be here, I have really great friends here, but the transition is getting to me and I'm not a big fan of the cold. You wouldn't believe how bundled up I am and I'm sitting inside! It's just that when you are trying to get things done and stuff that is out of your control impedes you from doing it, plus difficulties getting around ... it is really frustrating. Last night it hit me, I feel strange.

I'll stop so I don't say anything I shouldn't...

I dream of one day having a job that will not feel like a job because I love it so much. There will always been the part of any job that is work, it is not that I don’t want to work hard I just want to be able to be doing something that I love in an environment that is positive. There is a lot to be said about working in a positive environment. In fact, it might be better to have a “so-so” job in a positive environment than an incredible job in a negative environment.

Not enough can be said about working in a space that is not uptight. I think that there is more creative energy in a relaxed environment and in the long run everyone will be more productive because they will be less stressed about life in general and will be able to sustain good work over longer periods of time.

How do you determine what things are cultural and what things are just wrong? The type of relationships I’ve seen in the work environment I’ve been in during the past few months seems to be filled with difficult to decipher cultural differences and wrong behaviors or attitudes. In this culture there is a bit more respect for our elders and people who are in charge are not to be questioned. That being said, I don’t believe that –in any culture-- anyone ought to be able to verbally mistreat the people around them by casting a shadow of doubt on everything that everyone does or says.

I get grumpy when I don't eat lunch...

Yesterday, when I was riding home on the bus the sky was blue painted with pink clouds and the moon was full. Did you notice? It was lovely. I could have just stared out at it but, I was tired. It is amazing how exhausting a day at work can be. I got home and sat down on my bed. The next thing I knew I was trying not to fall asleep.

You see, at work I don't do anything glamorous. Sometimes, I have to imagine how to explain concepts like "what is a wiki" and "how stuff shows up on Google" but mostly, my tasks involve some research, some translating, a lot of 'uploading' to the internet (which can take forever if the internet is slow), and most of my emotional energy is spent on trying to understand why things happen the way that they do here. Yesterday, I got quite a bit of work done in the morning and by 2pm I was called to join everyone for our (very late lunch) birthday celebration for the director.

"Lunch" (when it happens) is a little bit of a surreal experience. I don't know if you've heard stories of back in the olden days when people would close their shops and have lunch and a siesta for two hours but, that is sort of what happens here at my workplace sometimes. Yesterday, we waited for everyone to come to eat and then we ate, talked, and talked, and ate. Everything happened so slowly and yet strangely lovely in its own way. I get asked a question about Panama and then I get asked if I know the national anthem. Thankfully, I remember most of it, "Alcanzamos por fin la victoria..." and we started to sing. She has a wonderful singing voice.

"We lived in all of these countries," she said "we were taught that we were citizens of the world." Then she sang the anthems from Nicaragua, Honduras, Mexico, Guatemala, Venezuela, and then Ima came and they sang the Costarican anthem together. They had great old-fashioned voices and they sang their hearts out. Her siblings all love to sing. Last Friday, we went out to eat after work and her brother came with his guitar and friends and they went into the garden in the back of the little place where we were eating and they starting to sing old Spanish ballads with deep melancholic voices. They never came over to where we were sitting, it was like someone was singing the songs in whispers into our ears. We finished singing, she gave a speech and then we ate some cake.

Two hours had gone by and I had heard stories that you would only dream of reading in some strange, lost memoir. "War" she said, "is a terrible thing. We can disagree but that does not mean that we are enemies." And her daughter told of the days when she was a little girl and the children would be recruited to fight in the battalions. Children, how fully can they make decisions on their own? Do they just do what they are told? They can believe in almost any cause, how do you know if they are being taught the right one? These conversations bring some sort of connectedness in the midst of the terribly discouraging issues that we're working with.

Today, we learned how to use the program to change documents into PDFs and worked on some of the same old... reading, translating, and uploading. The day went by quickly and before I knew it it was past the "late lunch" hour and we hadn't eaten anything. Now, some of you have heard me start humming when I get hungry but, the truth is that I get grumpy when I'm hungry and I cannot concentrate. It was terrible. By then, it wasn't worth it for me to just go get something to eat and come back. I finished the project I was working on and left for home when I usually do, except without having eaten any lunch.

I arrived exhausted, mostly because I hadn't eaten. I don't understand how they can go without eating. "We're used to it" they say. I made it home and ate some food and felt a little recovered but, still more tired that usual. I wonder about all the people in the world who give themselves to social causes and ministries and completely sacrifice their lives for the sake of the people they are trying to help. Is it good? Is it right? We want to help others live lives with dignity and self-worth and we completely depreciate the value of our own lives. It is somewhat of a contradictory message. But, there are moments and times for complete self-sacrifice. How do we know when it is that time?

Creativity for the Love of Others

"Work is the gracious expression of creative energy in the service of others." -Dorothy Sayers

Recently, I was listening to a speaker talking about “work”. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit recently as I’ve been looking for some type of employment. One of the things that I’ve thought a lot about are three things that seem to be central to what it is that motivates me in life. These three things are creativity, celebration, and community.

In the midst of my sometimes turbulent feelings about finding work I’ve struggled to understand what to do with the feelings of uselessness that come with being unemployed. I think that there is something about the way society is structured in North America that makes unemployment feel that much more alienating. We live in isolation and limited finances make it very difficult to contribute our voluntary work and energy to the community when we are not earning an income at the same time.

I think of some of my friends in Central America who even though they don’t have paying jobs are able to invest their time in worthwhile activities that build up their communities and contribute to the greater good of society. (It is possible because they live and work in the same place and the cost of basic things like transportation are less.) They work hard and the good work well done is the reward not the money (that they don’t make) or the identity that could come along with earning money. It seems like because of the way that society is structured; it is easier to do worthwhile work without being as isolated by unemployment.

I really believe that I want a job, not to make money (even though that is necessary) or to have an identity but to get to use my creative energy to do good work for the good of others. When thinking about the motivations we have for work Paul’s words are interesting:

“Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers… But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one." 1 Thessalonians 4:9-12

The important part of those words is not the part that says, “be dependent on no one” (which is the part I beat myself up for all the time) but, “you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another.” Therefore, work ought to flow out of loving one another.

So, flowing out of love for others, it is good to do work that fits who I am and benefits others. Seeking to do something creative that makes me feel alive and helps others really is a good guide for this job search. It is challenging when you feel like you’re interested in so many different things but, ultimately I believe it is good to be passionate about lots of things. I hope that I will find work that I will be passionate about doing and also brings more peace and justice in the world. I want to do something that I will feel the pleasure of working hard at because it is good and doing good for others. It is difficult when you are trying to live… to just live and also find what you live to do at the same time.

This is a wonderful quote by Dorthy Sayers who wrote an essay called “Why Work?”:

“[We should take] the attitude of mind we reserve for our unpaid work–our hobbies, our leisure interests, the things we make and do for pleasure–and [make] that the standard of all our judgments about things and people…
It is, or should be, the full expression of the worker’s faculties, the thing in which he finds spiritual, mental, and bodily satisfaction, and the medium in which he offers himself to God… We should ask of an enterprise, not “will it pay?” but “is it good?”; of a man, not “what does he make?’ but “what is his work worth?”; of goods, not “can we induce people to buy them?” but “are they useful things well made?”; of employment, not “how much a week?” but “will it exercise my faculties to the utmost?” Dorothy Sayers, Creed or Chaos, “Why Work?”

I like this a lot. I want to approach my work in the way that I approach the things I do for pleasure. I also want to see my work in the way that Sayers defines it, "Work is the gracious expression of creative energy in the service of others." So, as I look for those things that interest me, those creative outlets that excite me, and the ways that I can help and serve others in the process to create a more peaceful and just society I will look to see if it will exercise my talents to the utmost.

What gives us hope?

What is it that gives us hope? Last night, after walking and counting 'Pupuserias' (it was the most lovely, perfect weather!) from the AP up to Delafield to see my friends and then back down to Columbia Heights to hear Peter Habyarimana from Uganda speak. We spent the evening remembering Rwanda and Uganda and the children in these far off African countries that I dream of visiting some day.

Earlier in the day, I had a long conversation with a friend in Japan, I had been trying to keep myself from laughing out loud as I listened to "This American Life", I spent a few minutes trying to let the fact that I'm leaving for El Salvador soon to settle in (it doesn't feel like a reality at all) and then I had two long conversations on the phone before I walked into the room where Peter was going to share his story.

Peter grew up in Uganda and has one of those stories that are both tragic and inspiring all at the same time. He lived on the streets for a time and a family helped him go to boarding school so that he could graduate from high school. I don't know what everyone else thinks when they hear people sharing stories like that but, I thought about the recent episode of "This American Life" where they told the stories of people who had become 'spokesmen' for certain things that they either regretted or grew out of and didn't know how to get away from. Peter is a spokesperson for 'Compassion International' and I wonder if he likes it that his whole life is connected to that organization.

That wasn't really what I was going to write about. One thing that Peter talked about was 'hope' and how wonderful it is to give hope to children, especially children in Africa who do not 'hope to be 18 or even 10'. That is sad. I remember being 10 and having all sorts of plans for what I would do when I was 18. Now that I'm past 18, graduated from college, and trying to make it in the real world there's something inside of me that feels like the children. Am I where I'm supposed to be? What am I supposed to be hoping for?

I'm afraid that this summer has been quite humbling for me. I feel very, very aware of my shortcomings. I am filled with dreams and goals and yet, something about constant rejection makes you feel quite insignificant. (I feel incredibly grateful for what I've been given but, confused as to what the next step is.) Peter from Uganda asked me what I do and I had to fumble with the answer which is: I am looking for my place here and am having a very hard time finding it. He gave me a strange look and said 'I thought that everyone in DC was powerful and worked for the government.' I wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved to meet someone who had neither of those things.

I guess if I come out of this summer with more modesty because I have no reason to be pretentious, that would be good. Everything continues to move forward even when I've felt stuck and ashamed at my seeming inability to make any sort of tangible contribution to society. My independence has been hurt this summer, the idea that I can do anything if I try hard enough has sort of been reduced to that just an idea. It doesn't seem like much of a reality. I have a strong sense of determination but, with much less pride. The truth is that I need other people in my life, I need their encouragement, I need the hope that they give me.

I guess one thing that has become very, very clear to me this summer is that my identity is not (and hopefully never is) wrapped up in what I 'produce'. I have often spoken out against approaching other people in this way and I didn't realize the extent to which I have judged my on self-worth in this way. Serving, knowing, and loving others is the most worthwhile investment of time. I've always thought that but, this summer has been a test to that belief. I believe in being active, in putting my gifts to use and this summer has been one of those times when I've doubted what use I've been in the little it seems like I've done, I've doubted what my talents are and wondered if I've just make a huge mistake trying to find a place here. I believe my contribution matters but, I guess it matters collectively in the context of the greater community.

I can't even get a temp job

For as much as many people have told me 'you're doing the right things' when it comes to finding a job in DC, it doesn't actually feel that way mostof the time. The truth is that I'm still looking for work in DC. The strangest thing is that even though I may be doing the right things, there are a lot of things I'm completely unsure about.

Now that I'm trying to put together the details to go to El Salvador I'd like to find temporary work for a couple weeks. In fact, I've been looking for temporary work (along-side all of my fancy job search) for weeks and I think I must be doing something wrong. Many people say, 'you should get a temp job' and I think, 'that's a great idea' but apparently haven't a clue where to start looking for one of those so-called 'temp jobs'.

Anyway, if I could have a temp job I'd feel that much more compelled to stay in DC for another month and leave at beginning of September. I might do that anyway, even if I don't get a temporary job. Feeling slightly overwhelmed right now.

lost coffee shops, play pumps, and stories

There were all sorts of funny little things that happened to me yesterday. To start with, I was going to go meet someone to talk and I got lost. Well, I wasn't lost, the coffee shop -Ebenezer's- where we were supposed to meet was lost. So, the story is funny because I arrive at Union Station about 20 minutes early (enough time to find it I thought!). When I got there I realized that in the time and distraction of getting there I had completely forgotten the address. I knew it was close but, I had no idea in which direction. I started asking people and I got several strange looks and no help.

I thought I'd call someone I knew who might be able to look it up on the internet. At that moment I remembered that there are "information" phone numbers that you can call. I think Scudder told me about this. Of course, I couldn't remember the number. I tried a number that I had stuck in my memory. It turned out that I called the DC mayor's office! It was funny. I told the guy that answered the phone that I was looking for directions but, that if they didn't do that it was ok. I guess I sounded kind of desperate because he said, "Maybe the people at transportation can help you." Transportation? It was funny, so this guy at transportation answered the phone and I told him that since they didn't really take calls like that I could hang up, it was fine. But, he said that he'd try to help me. We spent ten or fifteen minutes on the phone and he never understood or never figured out how to spell Ebenezer's or something. Finally, I told him that I'd be fine and hung up. It was very kind of him to try to help me.

Sitting on the steps of this old church I realized that all my friends on the West Coast were still sleeping and most of my friends in DC would be at work. So, I finally called Lauren and she saved the day. It was almost an hour late when I walked in. How embarrassing! But, it was a good conversation and worth all the trouble of finding it and wandering around for an hour.

In the evening, Nathan and I went to Kira's house. It was a good refreshing time with these new but still precious friends that we've made in the city. In answering the question "have you found a job?" I found myself talking about this place that recently said that they were looking for an Assistant of sorts called PlayPumps International. I heard about PlayPumps last year and I thought it was a great idea but, I guess the way I described it last night made it sound slightly ridiculous or something. Anyway, it lead to an interesting set of ideas involving pixi-sticks to solve poverty in Africa. It was so silly but laughing really hard can be good for you. Anyway, PlayPumps is really cool and it would be fun to work there! This is their mission:

PlayPumps International’s mission is help improve the lives of children and their families by providing easy access to clean drinking water, enhancing public health, and offering play equipment to millions across Africa.

Anyway, to top it off. Yesterday, I listened to the latest edition of This American Life. I love that show. I love radio. I love sound, music, voices, silent pauses that mean so many things, and just stories. I love them.

This week was kind of a depressing theme "Stories of people haunted by guilt over their role in others' deaths, even when everyone agrees they're blameless." It's fascinating though, the guilt that we often carry with us. Ira said something that I thought was really interesting. Talking about people who hit people with their car, he said that those people who were actually at fault were less likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder than those who were innocent. The reason, he said, is that those who were at fault (sleeping at the wheel or drinking too much alcohol or something) knew how to avoid it in the future but those who were doing everything right and still had an accident (someone swerved in front of them or something) knew that there wasn't anything they could have done to avoid it and there is something slightly more terrifying about that. I could say more about that but, this post is way too long already.

stepping it up

So, I've seriously stepped up the job searching. Thanks to a friendly reminder from a friend I've jumped back into the challenging work of searching, networking, and networking. I have had two interviews in the past two weeks. Not bad. I've also been considering graduate school options and talking to people who are doing interesting things. Trying to learn everything that I can.
Since I last wrote, I decided to go volunteer at Ten Thousand Villages. I am a huge fan of what they do. They sell Fair Trade crafts from artisans from all over the world. The goals is to give people a steady income that they wouldn't have any other way. It's lovely. So, it's a good place to go and be reminded that there are always things to do. That was great.

I interviewed with an organization that contracts with USAID helping to implement the Food for Peace program. It would be a good opportunity to learn about USAID and get "in" to the international development world in DC. On Sunday, I went to church and got rained out at the park.

This week I went to an information session at American University and became friends with Bethany. We were both SUPER early so, we got to know each other pretty well. She wants to go into broadcasting, ideally she'd like to host an entertainment show. She'd be great at that. I also looked at a program at Johns Hopkins University. I guess if I didn't go to Spain that could happen, next year even.

In the midst of excitement and uncertainty about The Advocacy Project I got to go to an super interesting information session about Chemonics International. I arrived early to that as well and met some of the other people at the information session. It's always interesting to hear what everyone is doing and where they're from. "If you want to work in the Caribbean or Latin America you MUST be fluent in Spanish."

In the midst of talking to other people and following up on other leads, life is interesting right now. I like that. I was thinking that maybe I should go back to Honduras and create a marketing plan for the ladies who do Tule there. Freelance or something. Who knows?

unemployment is frustrating

Yesterday, someone pointed out that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" when it comes to having employment or not. That is only somewhat true. Right now my life has no work related stress but, it has the stress of having no income and that becomes a problem very quickly creating another kind of less productive stress.

Being unemployed is frustrating for me because I like to be independent. Not having any income is a recipe for having to depend on others at least for a while. I am blessed to have very generous and supporting people in my life who are more than willing to help me out. It is also frustrating because I like to be productive. So, in the mean time I've found ways to stay busy so that I'm not going crazy waiting.

I haven't pursued any other job options this week. I wonder if I will regret that next week or if it is good for me to feel a little confident about getting this job. I have felt really good about each and every interview that I've had and yet, they keep saying... "Ok, you're going to have another interview with so and so..." So, I feel really good and then I feel unsure if I should feel good about it. It turns out that I'm looking at a position working with Latin America. It's logical, natural and almost ideal for me. I hope that everything goes well and that they pick me.

I was thinking about the kind of time commitment I'm going to be making if I get this job. It is going to take up most all of my time. It will be interesting to see what that is going to mean for other relationships in my life. People keep saying, "Stay connected" so, I'm going to have to work on that. I have a quiet roommate right now, it is nice to have a peaceful place to live for now.

I hope that I won't have to find a part-time job next week.

updates on the life of a job-seeker

I arrived in D.C. at 2am this morning. Needless to say, it was a long trip. I left Boise at 6:20am the day before! I was excited to be back in D.C. especially because a few of my friends from TWU were visiting! Today, I got to meet up with Miriam, Jamie, Bethany, Jenna, and Antonia for lunch. Miriam, Jamie and I got some extra time to hang out, talk and catch up on each others lives. It was wonderful! It was good to see them.

When I got home, I found that I had received an e-mail from the job in Barcelona that I had applied to the week before I left on my two week WestCoast adventure. I'm incredibly excited. They told me that they want to have an interview with me. So, this is the deal... tomorrow I'm going to have an interview with Ashoka (I would LOVE to work there) but, I have a potential interview with The Social Trends Institute based in Barcelona, Spain later this week or the next.

This development really changes how I feel going into my Ashoka interview. I'm confident that I will do well in the interview but, I don't know what to say if they offer me a job right away. The idea of moving to Barcelona is so exciting. Of course, I don't actually have to worry about deciding until the interviews have happened and I've been offered something. There is still the possibility that neither one of them would work out and I'd be back to the drawing board.

If anyone has any advice for me, I'd love to have it.