it's been a while

It's been a while since I've come around here to write about what's going on in my life.  This week was a great week.  I had my last day of work on Tuesday and have been running errands and enjoying my freedom ever since.  

This past year has been an interesting one at work.  I have confirmed a few things: I like to teach and I have a lot to learn still.  I am looking forward to next year working at a new school.  I am going to teach 4th grade and do the International Teaching Certificate at the same time.  It will be a lot of work but, I think that it is the perfect time to do it.  I hope that the work I have to do for the certificate program really complements my teaching.

During this break I want to write, run, play, and read... Ariel and I want to go to Boquete and the Volcan and at the end of the summer enjoy the visit of a couple friends and do some touristy stuff with them.

There will be more to tell but, for now that is going to be it.

Quito!

I had a great time in Quito last week.  I had no idea how much history was packed into the city and country of Ecuador.  It was a great time.  I would love to go back to visit again sometime.

I spent most of my time at an International Educators Conference but, I spent the rest of the time with Ariel and our friend Mariqui touring the city.  She did a great job of showing us the highlights.  

What I liked the best about the city was the Colonial part.  We got to cimb up to the highest tower of the Basilica and that was great because we got a great view of the city.

Mariqui, Hannah, & Ariel

Mariqui also took us up one of the volcanoes that surrounds the city called Pichincha.  On the way up we got a spectacular view of the city, once we got up to the top we were in a cloud.  Ecuador's climate is quite cold most of the time.

 

Mariqui did a great job of showing us the highlights.  We walked around the old city and saw the churches, Ariel was able to see on of the museums and she took us out to eat real Ecuadorian cuisine.  

Probably one of the best parts of the trip was getting to spend some time with some of Ariel's Ecuadorian friends that he made when he lived in Guatemala.

I loved the people, the flowers (there were so many beautiful flowers everywhere!) and the culture (so much art, museums, history, etc.).  I would love to go back someday.

Worry

One thing that is interesting about being a teacher is how your work follows you everywhere you go.  You go home and you still have to plan or grade work.  You leave after a hard day and you cannot help but think about your students from time to time.  I went out with Ariel this weekend and saw one of my students who was out with his family.  It is just interesting because it is good, there is something very good about being involved in the lives of other people in such a way that you do not leave them and yet, there is something good about being able to disconnect from you work and just relax and be yourself.  I want to be better at doing that.  I spend too much time worrying about things.  That is something I want to focus on.

I've been thinking about this worry and anxiety that keeps me up at night.  I think it has something to do with not being able to say "no" very well.  I need to say "no" to some of my thoughts and I need to say "no" to some people in my life who have some very specific expectations for me.  I'm sure that it would be easier if I could just say no and not be so worried about what these other people were thinking.  I guess I need to have some dignity, that is what I need to make sure of.  I'm often too afraid of offending people.  It's something I need to work on.  I shouldn't be laying awake at night, it's not healthy. 

It's December!

It has been a rainy December so far.  Aside from the mud in the driveway, I LOVE IT.  The rain is fantastic.  Especially because every day there is a little break when we see the sun and then it starts to rain again.  Everything is nice and cool, chilly almost.  So nice for snuggling and drinking tea.  It's December!  

I think I'm more excited about my birthday this year because I get to spend it with Ariel.  I'm also looking forward to Christmas... 

Writing and friendship

I've had lots of ideas in the past week of things that I wanted to write on my blog.  Ariel and I have been doing a lot of writing recently and it feels great!!  Slowly (or quickly, depending on how you look at it) we're doing things we've been looking forward to doing for a long time.  We became writers for Global Voices and the official blog for the Literary Workshops that we're a part of in one week!!  That was pretty exciting.

This week I got to spend some time with Janice and that was really great as well.  It's been a while since we'd spent any time together and it was good because I was reminded that I have a girl-friend here in Panama that knows me well, that's always an important thing to have and really, in spite of the distance and time, we haven't really grown apart, I think that we've grown closer in our way of seeing the world, which makes it all that much better!

The other day I discovered a really interesting theology blog and he was talking about John 15.12-15:

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

In his article he was reflecting on the fact that Jesus talked more about being friends than being family.  Which might be an important thing to keep in mind since, often we treat our friends better than we treat our family.  We choose our friends and even if we feel super comfortable with them, we don't take them for granted the way that we do with our families sometimes.  I thought it was a very interesting thought and it made me feel very happy that Ariel and I are friends first and then we get to be family after that!

Talleres Literarios

If you spend very much time with Ariel or with me you'll find out that we love to read and write.  Ever since I graduated from college I've had a lot of "I wish I had studied English" thoughts because there were so many literature and writing classes that I would have loved to take.  No, I don't regret what I studied, it was perfect for me at the time but, ever since then I've been a sponge for literature and writing.  Ariel and I both hope for formal opportunities to study in order to improve our skills and open up opportunities to teach and share our love for words and ideas.

So, when we got the news about the Talleres Literarios en Panama, we were ecstatic.  We had heard about these Literary Workshops over a year ago and were waiting anxiously for more information, when a couple weeks ago we finally got news that they were accepting applications for the Talleres Literarios en Panamá.  These are going to be a year of weekend classes taught by Panamanian, Latin American, and Spanish professors and writers.They will do a survey of Spanish-American literature and provide writing workshop in poetry and prose. It's fantastic.

It's being sponsored by the Spanish Agency for International Cooperation and Development.  This sponsorship makes the program very formal.  Three Panamanian universities and the National Institute for Culture are also involved, all these institutions make it a potentially fantastic place to grow and learn about other opportunities.  One of the goals of the Spanish partners in the program is to present the participants with opportunities to study in Spain and hopefully remain involved in promoting literature and writing after the program is over (that is something that interests Ariel and me very, very much).

Something that makes it even better is that the coursework follows the literature content that I'm supposed to be teaching to my 9th graders.  This makes it a perfect way for me to be better prepared as I teach my students.  I'm really excited about starting this tomorrow afternoon!

study club

Today, I started something new.  I am an official “Study Club” teacher on Tuesday’s after school.  The fact is that it is a great way to earn a little extra money.  I was thinking about the fact that I like teaching, I love students but, I don’t just stick around for an extra hour or two for fun.  

You really do have to pay people to do that kind of thing; it’s not something that is really born out of the kindness of your heart –as much as you may love it.  Arriving home two hours later than usual once a week will be worth it in the long run.  Plus, it’s only once a week when Ariel has to teach a class anyway, that means that he isn’t done with that until I’ll be getting home anyway, so it actually works out really well.  

I hope that it turns out to be a good choice and helpful in the long run for my students and for Ariel and me.

"the rest of your day is in Spanish"

A couple days ago I was leaving work and one of my favorite co-workers stopped and said, "So...the rest of your day is in Spanish."  I thought this was funny since I am the Spanish teacher here... the fact is that almost all of my day is in Spanish.  It's been interesting to be the Spanish teacher here.  The fact is that teaching turns you into a pretty good student.  I hope my students are also learning. 

The school has a pretty tight nit community.  The fact is that most of the people that work here have some other type of connection to each other or the school (they have a child who is a student or they go to the Church where the school is located).  This makes it much harder to enter into the community.  I also am a teacher who goes in and out of classrooms so, I'm not quite as close to any particular group of students or to a team of teachers.  My Spanish team is kind of random.  To be honest, sometimes I feel like I am the department psychologist.  I do a lot of listening to other people's complaints.  

Anyway, I have decided that I want to do some more writing.  I'm going to try to write something everyday in the month of October either on this blog or on the Contrapunto blog in Spanish.  I think that the only way to get into the habit of writing more is forcing yourself to do it.

One month...

As of last Tuesday, I've been married for a month.  It has been a busy, exhausting month but, when I think about all of the things thay we've done this month I think that getting married and living in Panama are two wonderful choices I've made in life.

Let me see, in the month of August I started teaching Spanish to 4th, 5th, 7th and 9th graders at an international school here in Panama city (less than two weeks after getting married).  I've partially moved twice this month and this week will move (hopefully for the last time) into a more permanent house.  It should be a great place to live.  I've also purchased a car and started driving in Panama city.

If you've never been to Panama you will not be able to grasp the significance of some of those acomplishments.  Driving in Panama city is one of the scariest things I've ever tried to do, I have to admit that I feel quite proud of myself for even being willing to try.  It also opens up the possibility to do a lot of things that are just impractical without a car.  We even discovered a fantastic coffee shop relatively close to my work, a great place to meet up, chat and read a book.

I've started teaching and that is a responsibility that I love.  I am thrilled to be a teacher.  This week something very exciting happened.  The International Book Fair of Panama.  Ariel and I were in heaven there.  The greatest thing that we discovered was a new literary non-ficcion journal that is starting up.  It is called El Guayacan.  I'm super excited to see something like that happening here in Panama.  I want to figure out how to be a part of something like that.

I am excited about what is happening in Panama culturally and I'm excited to maybe get to be a part of it!

Married!

I have been married for one week, today.  It is wonderful to get to be in the same space as Ariel, to get to make our meals together, to talk, to read, and just be in the same physical space.  It is something both of us have longed for and it is so good to finally be together. 

All of the preparations before the wedding were a bit exhausting (to say the least) but, the wedding was just as I imagined it.  I had told Ariel that I imagined a wedding that started three days before,with friends meeting each other for the first time, just being together... it was amazing to have so many people from so many different parts of my life all together in the same place. 

The wedding day was also what I wanted.  As far as I know, nothing major went wrong.  There were things that we had talked about doing that we didn't do but, the most important things were in place and the ceremony was simple and meaningful, just as we hoped it would be.  It was so good to be able to stand there, looking at Ariel, smiling, and then be able to glance over and see so many people who've walked part of the journey with me at some point in my life.  It was beautiful.

We had great food and a good time just hanging out with everyone who came during the reception.  It felt just like it ought to, celebrating our love, and sharing it with the people who've loved and supported us along the way.  It was perfect. 

a new chapter begins

Yesterday, I traveled from Washington, DC to Panama City.  It was an uneventful trip.  I caught my flight on time (I wasn't charged for my two checked bags), made the connection in Miami, and arrived to a lovely afternoon in Panama.  Given the 103º in DC, Panama was cool in comparison.

I feel happy and right now, I am just enjoying being back in Panama with Ariel.  It was just good to be able to look at each other and be able to be in the same physical space.  It's a strange and beautiful thing to be in love.  Today, we started the process to get our marriage license.  The woman who attended us was so excited about us, it was fun.  I think both of us are so thrilled that we will be married so soon.

hello storytime!

I am about to leave Washington, DC to embark on a new chapter of life.  I'm going to get married and will be learning to live life together with Ariel.  It's not surprising that I'm feeling introspective and re-visiting my sometimes neglected blog. 

I have a feeling that I'll be writing a bit more frequently for a while.  I'll have so many exciting new things to write about!  Getting married, living in Panama, starting a new teaching job, making new friends... I'm sure the list will be endless.  

To make things even better, I'm marrying my best writing companion.  We have always enjoyed writing together so, this space and others will probably be kept up with more diligence since it's something that we both enjoy and want to do with our time.  This will probably make my mom very happy, since recently I have not been very consistent in telling the stories of things happening in my life.

Needless to say, if you read my blog... welcome back.  =)

brother in town

Andrew made it safely to DC tonight!

highlight

A highlight of this month was when I got to go see Josh Ritter in concert.  If you have ever seen him play live you know what a great experience it is.  You get this feeling when you see him play that you'd really like to be his friend.  You want him to be your new best friend.  He seems to LOVE what he does and he plays with so much energy and is so happy to be up front singing his well crafted song-stories to everyone. I love it.  After going to a Josh Ritter concert I always wish that I could have dinner with Ritter and his friends to get to enjoy some interesting conversation and more great music.

weekend

This weekend was LOVELY.  I was exhausted at the end of Friday but, I still went to an Engagement party, a Photography event, and a Cheesecake tasting all in one night!  It was the busiest Friday that I've had in a while. I went on a hike on Saturday.  It was the first hike I'd been on in a long time.  Then, Sunday was spent with some friends tasting some delicious food.  I ended it all going to Church, then coming home to mentally prepare for a couple days of lead teaching.  The truth is that life is beautiful...

excuses, excuses

I could come up with hundreds of excuses for why I haven't written very much recently.  I have so many things going on, I'm getting married, it's the end of the school year, I'm moving back to Panama, it's spring time in DC, etc. etc. etc. but, to be honest, all of that is bogus.  The truth is I have MORE to write about than I have in a long time and I've just felt overwhelmed by it all and haven't come around here to let my feelings out on the screen.

I know I have no obligation to anyone else to write but, I do disappoint myself when I don't write.  What a strange thing.  So, I'm going to start by talking about my weekend.  I have a theory about "catching up" with friends or anyone, you really have to start by asking what they did that day or that week before you can go back however many months or years you're behind.  So, I'm going to do that...in the next post.

Communité

The word "community" is derived from the Old French communité which is derived from the Latin communitas (cum, "with/together" + munus, "gift"), a broad term for fellowship or organized society.

Once again I am plagued with the fear that I have failed to live up to these things which I claim to believe.  Principally, that "community" is something deeply, deeply important. I know I believe this but, I am afraid that I feel at a loss as to what my place ought to be in community.

I'm thinking that I like the origin of the word because I think that community really is a gift.  A gift that ought not be taken without deep gratitude.  Nevertheless, I still wonder.  Am I living generously and gratefully towards and for my community?  Or am I holding back?

I wonder sometimes how deep the community bonds are.  I'm afraid of not being missed because somehow I didn't live grateful for what I was given.  It is so selfish to want to be missed so, perhaps that ought to be the lesson I learn.

However, I do wonder if I have given what I could and if I have invited people into welcoming hospitality as often as I should.  I'm afraid of failing to be a good friend.  I think that is one of my biggest fears.

thoughts on ash wednesday

"Yet even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
and rend your hearts and not your garments."
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.”
Joel 2:12-13  

Today is Ash Wednesday. In the liturgical tradition it is the beginning of the season of Lent. I was just reminded by a friend on the Christian journey that 

“Lent is an ancient Christian tradition that began as a way for Christians to join with new converts as they prepared to be baptized at Easter. It was a time for new converts / baptismal candidates to reflect on their need for Christ and walk in repentance, and the larger community of Christians would join them in this. To help in this, Christians have historically embraced some sort of fast – as a way of tangibly pulling one’s life (heart, thoughts, habits) into the way of self-denial and repentance. These are not simply initiation rites, but are essential daily practices in a life lived with God.”

I chose not to go to the Ash Wednesday service tonight because I wanted to make sure that I actually took the time to reflect on the meaning of this season and where I should examine my own heart. Why do people think of it as just a time to fast from something? Is that what it’s really about? I don’t think that it’s about fasting but, about seeking to give ourselves over to knowing God in a more intentional way. God is not any more available during this time than He is at any other time of the year. We are the ones that need markers in our lives, on our calendars to remind us that we have a lot more to receive that we’ve been aware of. 

I wonder how I can seek to know God more and see what He is doing around me so that I can join with him. I think that anything that allows me to love others well is important, which means I need to rest more and reflect more. Remembering that I need rest but that healing happens within community. Christ is found in the body of Christ. If I want to know Him more, I need to learn to enter into community as well. I need to “fast” from those things that lead me to fatigue instead of enthusiasm for loving and participating in relationship with others.

happy (lunar) new year!

I forgot to say "happy year of the tiger" to everyone on Sunday.  I've been enjoying the "lunar new year" stamps these days as I've been loving the snow break to write cards to my friends. I think this is going to be the best year of the tiger ever.

That being said, we went back to school today after our snow storm break.  We were thinking of all the snow related compound words like "snowman", "snowball", "snowflake"... I also had to respond to the principle's question about individual's intent to return next year.  

To be honest, I teared up as I was writing it.  I am going to miss it there.  I have had a very good experience and feel like I've learned a lot.  The people have been so incredible and I'm so thankful for such a wonderful team of people.  I know I'm not leaving yet but, I want to make the most of it.

Not that I'm completely sad.  The truth is that I'm mostly happy because in addition to having to say goodbye to lots of wonderful things in my life, this year is also going to be filled with new and wonderful things (like getting married) and hopefully experiencing and learning in another school setting.

what type are you?

I just took this witty test called "What type are you?"  It turns out that my type is Archer Hairline "a modern typeface with a straightforward appearance with tiny outbreaks of elegance and tiny dots of emotion".  Maybe there's something to it!  

This week I've been thinking about "outbreaks of emotion" and have found myself faced with my humanity and my inability to communicate well the complexity of my feelings.  I can be irritable and inconsiderate in ways that make me feel ashamed and yet, I admit that these are certainly areas where I've seen improvement which is at least a little bit comforting.