Antimicrobial resistance

I have been feeling frustrated recently with my activity setting goals and my inactivity reaching them.  I cannot quite figure out what is wrong.  I think I need to focus more on the things I'm am grateful for, it will help me realize that there are some habits that I have that are really healthy and good.  It's not that my life is completely disorganized and unproductive, it's just that there are some habits that I would like to establish and they seem to escape me.  

On a side note, today is World Health Day.  The focus of this years World Health Day is antimicrobial resistance and it's global spread.  What is that?  This is what I got from the WHO Q&A section:

Q: What is antimicrobial resistance?

A: Antimicrobial resistance – also known as drug resistance – occurs when microorganisms such as bacteria, viruses, fungi and parasites change in ways that render the medications used to cure the infections they cause ineffective...Antimicrobial resistance is facilitated by the inappropriate use of medicines, for example, when taking substandard doses or not finishing a prescribed course of treatment. 

Self-discipline

Today I've been thinking a lot about the different types of discipline that I would like to have in my life and how I often fail to hold to my goals in practical ways.  I might be better today than I was a few years ago but, I'm afraid that I have a long way to go before I will be the self-disciplined person that I would like to be.

Apprentice: learner, prentice, works for an expert to learn a trade

I have a lot of things rushing through my head right now. I’m tired. Being a teacher is hard. Being an apprentice is not as hard but, it’s still hard. I am being convinced, more and more, without a doubt teaching makes a difference. Teaching is probably one of the jobs that make the biggest difference in people’s lives. It may also be one of the most difficult jobs out there.

My education was so random and varied I don’t think I realized until the past couple of years that teaching is what I have been wanting to do all this time. I have wanted to be involved in helping develop stronger communities and giving people the opportunity and reasons to dream and create. All of that is hopelessly idealistic and I intend to stick to it. What it looks like in reality is much less lovely and much more incredible. The obstacles are bigger than you could imagine and the rewards are much more subtle --students learning that they like to eat vegetables, parents getting their students to the doctor, and other non-“standard based” accomplishments.

I have been working with such dedicated and excellent teachers. I admire them so much. I feel so honored and inspired working with them. Our students are actually reaching their “grade level” standards. I am exhausted but, I intend to learn all that I can so that I will also one day be as good of a teacher as the ones I’m working with right now. Their unwavering dedication to children and their learning is incredible, patience, so much patience, work, so much work, and commitment. It’s fantastic. It’s hard.

I left work feeling so disappointed. How are we supposed to teach children whose parents are caught up in their own emotional messes? If they are not nurturing their children and giving them safe homes with relationships that are secure? Some of our children are so distracted by their relational poverty that they have a very, very hard time learning. It’s difficult, but it’s still so important what we do, in spite of all the odds being against them and us, they are STILL learning. It’s hard but, it’s unbelievably rewarding.

what makes it worthwhile?

Last night some of my friends help put together a fantastic BBQ dinner at a local homeless shelter. It was a lot of work but, I think the guys at the shelter really appreciated it and were thankful.

Afterwards, one of my friends felt the let down that you get after you do something good for people who may or may not ever escape the trap of drugs, alcohol, and poverty. She wondered if there had been any real interactions and if just "hanging out" in that setting does any good at all. In some ways, I wish that mere acts of kindness would help people out of poverty but, unfortunately it doesn't work that way. That does not make the acts of kindness any less significant.

Even so, I think that the question, "What is the good of this?" is worth asking. I mean, seriously. If our intention was to help these guys, we probably didn't do much more than give them a really delicious meal. But, maybe that is enough. We don't have to fix their situation. Maybe our willingness to be present is good enough.

Isn't that [almost] all we want anyway? As I listened to my friend's discouragement --I realized that I felt the same way a week or so ago after we had a big party at our house. We had a good time, we shared good food, and had good people over but, afterwards, I felt a similar let down. I wondered what the good of that type of interaction is, I felt like all my conversations had been short and superficial, so, ok --yeah, we had a good time, but what is the value of that?

Maybe it is the same. We want people to be present in our lives. Sharing food and time is valuable. We can always work towards more meaningful interactions with people and towards more intentional conversations. What is it that makes an activity worthwhile? Is it something we can measure?

child poverty

I went to a hearing on the impact of the recession on childhood poverty. It was very interesting. To say the least. One of the most sobering facts that were mentioned during the hearing was that children who's families started out above the poverty line before a recession and fall under the poverty line during a recession end up with similar outcomes of productivity, education, and health as those who were in poverty the entire time --even if the families are able to improve their circumstances after the recession, those children do not recover as well. Isn't that interesting and sad?

the soloist

I saw this movie last week and it has been on my mind ever since. Homelessness is an issue that I think about all the time. I intentionally seek to know the names of the homeless people that I see every day and I surround myself with people who love the homeless --more than I do.

I want to believe that merely treating people with dignity is a valuable contribution to the common good of all people and that for the thousands of people that might never escape the trap of poverty and homelessness, one person might feel the courage to seek help because someone affirmed them and treated them as a valuable person.

I have become less expectant of radical transformation since the days that I would go hang out on East Hastings in Vancouver, BC when I got to witness the incredible events that led to Trisha Baptie get off the streets through a simple relationship and a lot of other hard but good events.

I do believe transformation is possible, I believe there is hope for the most voulnerable, but what has changed is that I do not expect to be the catalyst for that change. I might get to help someone one day, I might not. I believe that I can be a friend along the journey. To be honest, that is all we really want sometimes anyway. I know I don't always want people to "help" me I just want someone to listen to me...

Even though it can be heartbreaking to befriend people who never get to escape the traps of poverty, I guess I could relate to "The Soloist". I don't know why sometimes things don't get fixed but, I guess the point is that none of us were really ment to be "soloists" we all need the suport of others to help us keep going and to make sense of it all.

worries and blessings

I've been a little more worried than usual in the past couple of days about what is going to happen to me next year. I know that I shouldn't worry. I know that God is good and will provide for me.

I also know that in spite of my worries I am so blessed. I live with wonderful girls. I am in an interesting city and am part of a really good community. I am really happy right now, in spite of my worries.

We loose sight of so many things when we worry. We miss out on the good things in life. So, I'm trying not to worry. With that thought, I think there were times during college that I missed out on some fun because I was worried about stuff.

One thing I will never regret is the time that I spent in the downtown East Side of Vancouver. I just found this video made by my university featuring one of the coolest profs at my school and the East Side. I have MUCH to be thankful for.

it's not you, it's me...

So, I just want to clarify something. I just realized that every time that I have passionately said in the past "THE CHURCH NEEDS TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE POOR", what I meant was "I (as a part of the Church) need to be in relationship with the poor".

I don't think I've had a more obvious yet significant realization in years. My frustration "with the Church" is not really valid, if I am the part of the Church that longs to be with the poor, when I get to be with the poor --then the Church (as a result) is being with the poor.

Of course, I believe that the Church should be caring for the poor. I also believe that no one should be doing this alone. There are others in the body who long to be with the poor as much as I do and as we find each other, we ought to be loving the poor together. The rest of the body can/should support this (through prayer, financially, etc.) without it being their primary call just as I need to support the things that are on other people's hearts even if those things are not my primary call.

It is not an excuse for anyone to not reach out to their neighbor but, it is freeing for me. I know this is SO obvious but, I hadn't seen it this way before.

New President in Panama

Yesterday, Panama elected a new president. Ricardo Martinelli won the national elections by a landslide, with over 60% of the votes compared to his closest rival, Balbina Herrera, who received about 36%. This is the biggest recorded margin in a presidential election in Panama since 1989.

I have to admit that even though the options weren't that great, it is always good to see such a fantastic turnout and to see the Panamanian people participate in the political process peacefully. The election of Martinelli continues mix up the interesting conversation about the political trends of Latin American leadership.

As La Prensa said in its editorial today, "Our congratulations to the winning candidate need to be accompanied with caution: resounding victory is not a blank check, it is the deafening scream of the Panamanian people who are demanding that their better sons govern the country with honesty and social justice, and that they do in the palace what they promised on the streets."

Do you really think that we can end poverty?

This week I was at the Mobilization to End Poverty put on by Sojourners, an organization with the mission "to articulate the biblical call to social justice, inspiring hope and building a movement to transform individuals, communities, the church, and the world."

This week has been particularly strange for me. I returned to DC in January after being out of the country for the fall and I feel like I have changed completely in this past year. A year ago, I wanted to change the world, right now... I want to love my neighbor. I don't want to be a social worker, international development officer, foreign correspondent, educator or any other type of job without first being a "good neighbor" wherever I happen to live. That is not so simple but, also not so complicated.

I feel like one thing that wasn't clear to me all week was the definition of poverty. I mean, I believe that significant structural/social change can happen (it has happened in the past with the abolition of slavery, the civil rights movement, etc.) but, I don't know if 'poverty' is as clear of a social problem to be able to 'end'. Unless we are talking about 'child hunger', 'sex trafficking', or other specific things --I'm not sure if we will be able to 'end poverty' in the same way that was so passionately announced during the conference this week.

Poverty is not just the absence of economic resources and political will (even though these are important) but it is also sustained by the absence of relationships, social links to help and support.

I went to the session on Children, Race, and Poverty and heard the dire statistics about childhood poverty and dropout rates. One in three african-american boys will drop out of high school. One in three of the boys in my second grade class. Then, I went to my 2nd grade classroom yesterday afternoon to have one of my beautiful 7 year old boys start hitting his head on his desk, on the wall, and on the floor saying, "I want to kill myself. I just want to die. Life isn't worth living." He's 7 years old!

I wanted to burst into tears as I held him and told him of his worth and uniqueness. That is poverty. He has clothes and goes to school but, he comes home and his mother isn't home, his brothers don't make food for him, so my little 7 year old ends up making himself dinner, "I eat hot dogs" he says. Can we end this type of poverty?

I have felt so burdened by these things and even though I actually feel an overwhelming amount of hope because I see people building relationships with 'the poor', but I don't know if we will actually be able to 'end poverty' quite so simply.

This morning, when I was walking to work I saw David, a homeless man who always encourages me to not stop having compassion on people. He never asks me for money, he just asks me if I remember his name. I always stop if I see him, even if I'm late to work. He told me that last week he wanted to commit suicide and that he doesn't know how long he can put up with the circumstances he is in. This morning he told me, "You cannot change the world, but you can continue to have compassion."

How do we define poverty? Can we really "end poverty"?

thinking about horizontal-ness and resting

This weekend I went on a ‘retreat’ with my church here in DC. I tried not to think about it too much before we went so that I would just take it as it happened and enjoy it for what it was. I was a bit tired because I’ve been sick recently and I got to drive but, otherwise, it was a good time.

I got to meet some new people and I got to connect with some people that I’d met before but, I didn’t know that well. I am happy to be a part of a community of people like this in DC. As a friend told me recently, for whatever flaws we have as a community, each one of us has come as somewhat disconnected individuals to find a type of family there.

Even so, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the ‘type’ of community that we are and have so many things bouncing around in my head. One of those things is that our church is located in Columbia Heights it is such a racially diverse part of the city but, our community doesn’t reflect that diversity very well.

“Left ravaged and forgotten for decades following the race riots in 1968, Columbia Heights has been the focus of a revitalization initiative since 1999. […] It is a microcosm of the unique crossroads of wealth and poverty, power and weakness that is Washington, DC,...”

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my role is as a part of a local church. I’ve been thinking about the Church as a “community of priests” and each and every one of us having a role in being the voice, hands, and feet of the Church. I’ve been thinking about the needs and opportunities in the neighborhood and in what ways we can be “incarnational” by loving our community in practical ways.

The Advent vision states that, “We believe that a healthy church ought to be two dimensional: vertical and horizontal. By means of the vertical dimension, people experience reconciliation and peace with God, and are moved to worship and serve Him. Through the horizontal dimension, people experience reconciliation and peace with one another, and are moved to care for one another and work for the common good.”

I have a deep sense of being loved by the people in the community and at the same time, I think that we could do better at reaching out to the surrounding community. It isn’t going to be easy but, I think that we could do better. I guess what I’ve been thinking about a lot is what am I supposed to do or not do about it. I’m hesitant to just get busy for the sake of being busy but, I’m also wary of not doing anything at all.

This is more of a reflection of my own struggle with what type of commitment I should make to Advent and what kind of things I should commit myself to. I don’t want to over-extend myself and not do anything well but, I also don’t want to sit back and do nothing at all. I am trying to discern how I am called to serve horizontally and how I am going to grow intentionally in knowing Christ and in spiritual friendship with others in my community.

This weekend I felt all the intensity of my desire to love our neighbors and then I was told very directly that I should not worry about those things that it is good for me to learn how to rest and trust that all good things will be done at the right time. Maybe I am not ready to move out of the season of waiting, maybe I still need to learn to rest. That’s ok. I will try not to worry. I will just continue to be and do what seems natural to me. I think I realized this weekend that I AM connected to people in this community even if I feel new and unsure about the role I play.

Int' Water Day

I like water. I like drinking clean water without any fears of getting sick because of it. Every 20 seconds, a child dies as a result of the poor sanitary conditions endured by some 2.6 billion people around the world.

I think that often I take water for granted. I don't often in my prayer blessing the food say "thank you for this fresh, clean water". Maybe it is a good thing to stop and consider that as a real gift. I'm going to try to celebrate International World Water Day. Apparently, it is held annually on 22 March as a means of focusing attention on the importance of freshwater and advocating for the sustainable management of freshwater resources. (I didn't know about it until this year).

There are a lot of random things people could do to celebrate World Water Day.

1. You could learn about and donate to Play Pumps International.
2. You could go to a World Water Day Event in your town/city. [Water for People DC is featuring the Filmmaker of "Blue Gold," Sam Bozzo; Friday March 20, 2009 6:30pm @ 1904 14th St. NW Washington, DC 20009]
3. You could learn more about water and the water crisis through organizations like Water for Life.
4. You could participate in the World Water Day International Poster Contest.
5. You can provide access to clean water for 12 people by using a replyforall email signature for one month.

Last, and not least, you can be thankful for the next clean glass of water that you get to drink.

broken thoughts on lent

I just found the note paper on which I had written down some thoughts on Sunday:

I've been thinking a bit about the season of lent... I grew up in a Catholic country where lent had a different name and my Church didn't commemorate it very intentionally... for now, I am embracing it as a time of directed refocusing. There is not time that is not open for searching our inner life for unhealthy distractions from what is true, good, and beautiful.

It is already the beginning of the second week of lent and I have already not been able to enter into the reflective discipline that I had intended to. It is not too late to get started so, I will enter the new week with renewed purpose...
...it could be seen as a time of cleansing from distractions or a time to discipline our habits. These may be two sides of the same coin of lent for me this year.

There are always distractions and recently I have decided that I am often distracted by good things from even better things. So, this is a season of discerning no "what is bad" but what is the "better thing". The challenge is choosing between good things...
...sometimes the better thing is solitude, other times the best thing is service, other times the best thing is hospitality, other times the best thing is a phone call, and other times the best thing is doing nothing at all.
...consciously stepping away from what distracts me from the "one thing that is necessary" has to be active...

to end poverty

not just words

Lead me from death to life,
from falsehood to truth.
Lead me from despair to hope,
from fear to trust.
Lead me from hate to love,
from war to peace.
Let peace fill our hearts,
our world, our universe.
Peace, peace, peace.
- Satish Kumar

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought,
and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.

- Gilbert Keith Chesterton,English writer (1874-1936)

You are not here to verify,
Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity
Or carry report. You are here to kneel
Where prayer has been valid. And prayer is more
Than an order of words, the conscious occupation
Of the praying mind, or the sound of the voice praying.
- T.S. Eliot

all over the place

Recently I've been surprised by the many twists and turns that our lives can take. I wonder if I will loose the wonder I feel about life, it is frightening and overwhelming at times but always interesting.

• I've been wondering how I ended up being the slight "intellectual" that I am. Remembering when I read René Girard a while back, I'm still wondering about violence.
• I have many blogging friends and they often find really cool stuff.
• Leah shared this video the other day and we all know how cool TOMS are, I'd like some for Christmas!

• I'm a big fan of random improv and making fun out of simple everyday kinds of things. That is why this made me smile.
• I've been reading a book called, La Última Guinda by José Rutilio Quezada. It is about the Civil War here in El Salvador. I was even privileged enough to meet the author of the book!
  

just a few more tears...

Yesterday, I broke down and cried at work for the first time since I arrived here in El Salvador. It was embarrassing but, it also felt good to just let all the internal stress and frustration out. They were tears that wanted to say, "We're loosing track of why we're doing this!!" I have to remind myself that I'm doing this for all the women who are being abused and in favor of all of the children who are growing up in the midst of violent homes and communities. Sometimes, it feels like things that could be done well but simply become complicated and are delayed by months and months. Which is worse? Sometimes, doing good is hard and we can get caught up in things that are not as important as loving our neighbour and the other. Thankfully, I have support and I don't feel like I'm all alone in this.

an honest living on the bus

When I ride the bus to and from work I find myself with some type of person on every ride who is asking for help. Most people have some sort of speech or performance. There are the recovered drug addicts or gang members who have an amazing conversion story where they talk about how Jesus saved them from their past life. They usually give the message that you too can be saved and ask you to support the ministry that God used to help them by purchasing a sticker or something for 10 or 25 cents.

Other times it will be a man with his son telling us about how their youngest child has a terrible sickness and that they cannot afford the medical expenses to support their family. It is terribly depressing. There is the young boy about age 12 who got on the bus and sang us a song. I've seen him twice. He ends his song and says, "Thank you very much for helping me earn an honest living." It's so hard to see and hear that.

The other day, there was a clown and a man with no legs who got onto the bus. The man painted as a clown made some ridiculous comments and told everyone that his companion was the strongest man alive. He then lifted him up to hold onto the two bars on the top of the bus. He proceeded to do some acrobatic type exercises with some comical interaction with his partner. They then told everyone that they would appreciate a contribution.

A couple of days ago, I saw a young woman dressed as a clown with a little girl waiting to get on the bus. I saw her get on and though to myself, "She looks so sad." She got on towards the end of my bus ride. She set her little girl on the first seat and started to talk. "My name is Teardrop the sad clown. I want to recite a poem for you." She went on to recite the saddest poem. I cannot remember the words only the feeling I had. The poem told of the sadness of the clown that has to smile to hide their sadness, who has to smile to make others laugh. I had to get off before she finished her poem but, it made me feel very sad.

I get grumpy when I don't eat lunch...

Yesterday, when I was riding home on the bus the sky was blue painted with pink clouds and the moon was full. Did you notice? It was lovely. I could have just stared out at it but, I was tired. It is amazing how exhausting a day at work can be. I got home and sat down on my bed. The next thing I knew I was trying not to fall asleep.

You see, at work I don't do anything glamorous. Sometimes, I have to imagine how to explain concepts like "what is a wiki" and "how stuff shows up on Google" but mostly, my tasks involve some research, some translating, a lot of 'uploading' to the internet (which can take forever if the internet is slow), and most of my emotional energy is spent on trying to understand why things happen the way that they do here. Yesterday, I got quite a bit of work done in the morning and by 2pm I was called to join everyone for our (very late lunch) birthday celebration for the director.

"Lunch" (when it happens) is a little bit of a surreal experience. I don't know if you've heard stories of back in the olden days when people would close their shops and have lunch and a siesta for two hours but, that is sort of what happens here at my workplace sometimes. Yesterday, we waited for everyone to come to eat and then we ate, talked, and talked, and ate. Everything happened so slowly and yet strangely lovely in its own way. I get asked a question about Panama and then I get asked if I know the national anthem. Thankfully, I remember most of it, "Alcanzamos por fin la victoria..." and we started to sing. She has a wonderful singing voice.

"We lived in all of these countries," she said "we were taught that we were citizens of the world." Then she sang the anthems from Nicaragua, Honduras, Mexico, Guatemala, Venezuela, and then Ima came and they sang the Costarican anthem together. They had great old-fashioned voices and they sang their hearts out. Her siblings all love to sing. Last Friday, we went out to eat after work and her brother came with his guitar and friends and they went into the garden in the back of the little place where we were eating and they starting to sing old Spanish ballads with deep melancholic voices. They never came over to where we were sitting, it was like someone was singing the songs in whispers into our ears. We finished singing, she gave a speech and then we ate some cake.

Two hours had gone by and I had heard stories that you would only dream of reading in some strange, lost memoir. "War" she said, "is a terrible thing. We can disagree but that does not mean that we are enemies." And her daughter told of the days when she was a little girl and the children would be recruited to fight in the battalions. Children, how fully can they make decisions on their own? Do they just do what they are told? They can believe in almost any cause, how do you know if they are being taught the right one? These conversations bring some sort of connectedness in the midst of the terribly discouraging issues that we're working with.

Today, we learned how to use the program to change documents into PDFs and worked on some of the same old... reading, translating, and uploading. The day went by quickly and before I knew it it was past the "late lunch" hour and we hadn't eaten anything. Now, some of you have heard me start humming when I get hungry but, the truth is that I get grumpy when I'm hungry and I cannot concentrate. It was terrible. By then, it wasn't worth it for me to just go get something to eat and come back. I finished the project I was working on and left for home when I usually do, except without having eaten any lunch.

I arrived exhausted, mostly because I hadn't eaten. I don't understand how they can go without eating. "We're used to it" they say. I made it home and ate some food and felt a little recovered but, still more tired that usual. I wonder about all the people in the world who give themselves to social causes and ministries and completely sacrifice their lives for the sake of the people they are trying to help. Is it good? Is it right? We want to help others live lives with dignity and self-worth and we completely depreciate the value of our own lives. It is somewhat of a contradictory message. But, there are moments and times for complete self-sacrifice. How do we know when it is that time?

Remembering Romero

"The death of Monseñor Romero"

On Monday, I went to the UCA (Central American University, San Salvador) where on November 16, 1989 six Jesuit priests, their housekeeper and her daughter in El Salvador were brutally murdered by members of the Salvadoran military.

At the University there is a small museum to remember the Jesuits who died (the pictures were so awful that I actually started crying and couldn't look at all of them) and also Monseñor Oscar Romero who was the Archbishop of San Salvador until March 24, 2980 when he was murdered just as he as he held the consecrated host up during Mass. Monseñor Romero was an interesting figure in the history of the war. He's probably the most well known name from that time.

He was chosen as Archbishop because he was known for being conservative, the church, government, and everyone else involved didn't expect him to become a problem for the government. Romero, however, as he started to identify with the situation that the poor were living in, he became "a voice to the voiceless". Soon, there was concern that his teachings would motivate the opposition, the guerrilla, and those with Communist tendencies and the order was given to assassinate him.

"If they kill me, I will resurrect in my people."

For those who have done any reading in "global theologies" you might find it interesting that as I was walking around the UCA, my friend pointed at a man and said, "That is Jon Sobrino." I was so suprised! I had forgotten that he was here in El Salvador. He is one of the current day "liberation theologians" and was given an admonishment by the Vatican for his work. I had looked at some of his work while I was in college, I didn't get to talk to him but it was kind of cool to see him from a distance.