tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51863941405708198802024-03-13T11:25:30.809-04:00Breathings of my heart“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” – William WordsworthUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger447125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-14600228206573339642017-04-10T10:36:00.004-04:002017-04-10T10:36:55.139-04:00Laughing at myselfI spent this weekend sick, in bed, dreaming strange dreams. Something about being sick all weekend has made me want to sit down to write. Writing used to be as natural and necessary as breathing. Now, it is a luxury that I have not enjoyed in years. <br />
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Last night, I watched Mike Birbiglia: <a href="https://www.netflix.com/watch/70279934" target="_blank">My Girlfriend's Boyfriend</a>. Birbiglia is funny, I guess that's his job, but I love his type of humor. As I laughed I was reflecting on why I stopped making my thoughts public. I think that one of the main reasons is that I used to take myself so seriously. I was so much more <i>certain</i> about things, I felt like I had something to say.<br />
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Now that I am less certain, I'm more prone to laugh at myself but am still afraid of hurting other people's feelings. I am not sure where that fear comes from. I'd love to feel free to laugh at my blunders and not feel compelled to "protect" those who might still feel certain about the things I am not longer certain.<br />
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Will I start writing again? I'm not sure. Maybe this is just a result of a weekend being sick in bed. We'll see.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-36914021615526177622016-02-15T00:26:00.000-05:002016-02-15T00:28:20.730-05:00Life as a journeyToday, I happened to find a letter that I wrote almost 10 years ago. The date on the letter is May 23, 2007. It was a letter where I was trying to narrow some of my passions and interests in order to think about what I was going to do next in my life.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"...the question now remains "What am I going to do next?" I want to do something that will matter but, I also want to satisfy my curiosity with the world and do something I'll love. I would like to travel and go [to] new places. I would like to contribute to the fight for human rights for the disinherited, and I would like to help provide people with opportunities to ... become literate. With all of that said, I think I'll make the biggest difference if I have a job that I love to do."</blockquote>
In the letter I say something about having the opportunity to become "familiar with the very real needs of people in the clenches of real poverty" and consider that the encounters I'd had with poverty would help me avoid being "stuffy and judgmental" but more of a "friend and advocate". Those words seem so naive to me now. So much has happened in the almost 10 years since I wrote that letter, that even though some of my underlying passions remain, the convictions and reality of my life are quite different.<br />
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One of the things that has been deeply challenging to my thinking and living in the past 5 years, in particular, is the experience that life is deeply and profoundly not fair. I wrote those words with powerful idealism and optimism. I believed that I would be a part of some greater positive change in the world, and then a few years later, found myself not only familiar with the needs of people in poverty, but simply living the experience of life where things are not handed to you on a silver platter.<br />
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"Poverty" is a very relative thing. I have had the opportunity to live surrounded by wealth that most people will never get to enjoy in life. Wealth that is intellectual, financial, and social. I have been surrounded by interesting people thinking interesting thoughts, I have had more than I need, and have lived in beautiful and unusual community that has become the making and unmaking of some of my deepest spiritual beliefs.<br />
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Just a few years later, I found myself in an environment that was significantly limited intellectually, financially, and socially. It was a shock. I lost a part of my identity at that time, I was no longer the advocate for the poor, I felt as if I had become one of them. The transformation was deep and profound. I am not poor, I am well aware of the distinct privileges that I have received in life. Nevertheless, the "sufferings" of the developed world seem overwhelmingly petty and superficial. I find myself to be petty and superficial at times. <br />
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I desired at the time of writing my letter to not be "stuffy and judgmental". I have come to the conclusion that anyone can be "stuffy and judgmental" no matter what their condition or circumstances, often without realizing it. I have also realized that life is best lived as it is, as a journey not a race. Anyone who is "in it to win it" is welcome to run past, I would much rather spend my time with people who are along for the ride, excited to experience both the beauty and poverty that life might allow you to experience than people who are anxious to "win" or "get ahead" or "make it". Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-74694033920740610052014-12-16T08:35:00.000-05:002018-11-18T20:21:30.499-05:0030 things<br />
<ol>
<li>Travel to Europe with my family.</li>
<li>Give regularly</li>
<li>Save regularly</li>
<li>Run a 10K</li>
<li>Experiment more in the kitchen</li>
<li>Join a team sport (soccer, Frisbee?)</li>
<li>Write more</li>
<li>Hike a mountain </li>
<li>Pray more</li>
<li>Join a choir</li>
<li><strike>Get a Masters </strike></li>
<li>Learn another language </li>
<li>Practice my French</li>
<li>Go camping</li>
<li>Call my family more</li>
<li>Grow a garden</li>
<li>Learn to dance</li>
<li>Learn to play a musical instrument</li>
<li>Get involved in a cause</li>
<li><strike>Spend a whole day reading a novel</strike></li>
<li>See the Statue of Liberty</li>
<li>Read: <span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert M. Pirsig</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Read: "Watership Down" by Richard Adams</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Read: </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">"A Short History of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Read: "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Read : </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">"For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Ernest Hemingway</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Read: "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Read: "East of Eden" by John Steinbeck</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">Read: "The Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></li>
</ol>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-8236748598154513162013-08-27T21:34:00.000-04:002013-08-27T21:34:51.115-04:00Happy Mommy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Over the past three weeks I have been immersed into a different lifestyle, the life of a new mommy. I've been experiencing life as the mother of a newborn, which is going by quickly (Dominic will be 1 month on Friday!) but is extremely time consuming. The fact is I spend more time nursing my little baby than doing almost anything else. It is a huge change of pace. I'm used to spending my free moments on "projects" --planning, reading, etc. It has been hard to read when I feel like I'm about to fall asleep most of the time, so surprisingly, I've ended up watching quite a few movies and documentaries in the past week. I enjoy watching movies, but I wouldn't say that it's one of my top go-to activities. Well, that was before... </div>
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Anyway, one of the documentaries that I ended up watching yesterday, was a fascinating exploration of what makes people happy. </div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/12653874" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="400"></iframe></div>
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The documentary, <a href="http://www.thehappymovie.com/film/" target="_blank">Happy</a>, told stories of individuals who were happy in spite of their circumstances and shared some of the leading research on happiness. I enjoyed the documentary so much, that I've spent most of today reading more about some of the research mentioned in the documentary. </div>
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Everyone wants to be happy and one of the things that stood out to me in this documentary was that you can take actual steps, actions, towards becoming more happy. One of the characteristics of happy people is that they usually tend to have activities which allow them to experience "flow". Mihály Csíkszentmihályi wrote about this concept of "flow" which as Wikipedia describes "is the metal state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity." People who engage in activities which allow them to experience this sense of "flow" (running, playing a musical instrument, etc. etc.) tend to be happier people.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" mozallowfullscreen="" scrolling="no" src="http://embed.ted.com/talks/mihaly_csikszentmihalyi_on_flow.html" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="560"></iframe></div>
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Something else that I thought was really interesting in the documentary was is discussion of the values that happy people hold. In the documentary it pointed out that truly happy people are motivated intrinsically by 1. Personal growth --trying to be who they really are, 2. Relationships --having close, connected relationships with family and friends 3. A desire to help --having a community feeling, wanting to make the world a better place. These goals or values are almost the direct opposites of the ones that generally motivate the most unhappy people which are 1. Money, 2. Image, and 3. Status. This is really interesting, because people tend to really get things mixed up when they are looking to be happier. </div>
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I think this documentary was that much more interesting since I had just watched another documentary called <a href="http://www.craigslistjoe.com/" target="_blank">Craigslist Joe</a>, about a guy who had spent a month trying to just live off of making contacts and connections on Craiglist. One of the biggest take aways from that movie was how important relationships are and that there are a lot of people out there who are willing to help someone in need --two important factors in happiness. </div>
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There is a lot more to say about the documentary, but mostly I just wanted to share some of these thoughts since this blog is one way to be connected* to people I care about. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-44095275849804465422013-08-23T21:29:00.003-04:002013-08-23T21:29:45.382-04:00Loving Dominic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kWi9J5pQO_4/UhgKPGOg5WI/AAAAAAAACwE/Zyj29x473BQ/s1600/Dominic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kWi9J5pQO_4/UhgKPGOg5WI/AAAAAAAACwE/Zyj29x473BQ/s1600/Dominic.jpg" /></a></div>
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Three weeks ago today, Dominic Luca joined our family. We have been delighted and exhausted by his arrival. The first three days in the hospital were exhausting and everything felt somewhat unreal. When we arrived at home, we felt relieved and at the same time, we had to figure out how to take care of this little person who'd come home with us. It was not as simple or intuitive as you might think.</div>
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I am so grateful that my mother was with us, she did all the things --like the laundry, sweeping the floor, and washing the dishes-- that are practically impossible to do while you are feeding a newborn or trying to survive on just a couple hours of sleep. I'm also keenly aware of how blessed I am to have Ariel as a husband, friend, and father to our son. He is so willing to help with everything!</div>
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I've tried to keep my expectations for this brief season focused on bonding with Dominic --I am a very restless person and I have many projects that I would be happy to spend time on. Nevertheless, so long as I am still awake at 2am everyday I will stick to loving on Dominic for now. I think that's all I can save my energy for. If I get other things done, reading, writing, cleaning, cooking, etc. that will be great, but I want to enjoy Dominic and feel the joy of this fleeting moment in my life. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-27046744095842643002013-07-11T12:12:00.001-04:002013-07-11T12:12:01.887-04:00Keep it simple<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-36huhvwuQmg/Ud7ZODPnSZI/AAAAAAAACuo/_EUVRRUPhHQ/s1600/hannahdoctor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-36huhvwuQmg/Ud7ZODPnSZI/AAAAAAAACuo/_EUVRRUPhHQ/s320/hannahdoctor.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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The doctor told me on Monday that the baby is ready and could come at any time, but she doesn't think that it will come early. That means that I have at least 2+ weeks to prepare for the baby to come. I am happy for those 2+ weeks. I am enjoying being on vacation, cleaning the house, imagining how to organize everything in the house so that we can maintain it in a relatively clean and organized state after we welcome the baby into our lives. </div>
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I have been reading a lot of different people's suggestions on how to keep your house organized and one of the most important suggestions I've read so far is getting rid of extra stuff. One of the reasons that it's hard to keep up with the dishes is that you always have MORE dishes you can get dirty. If you don't have as many dishes, you HAVE to wash the dishes in order to use them. It's simple, but it really works. </div>
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The same is true about our clothes. If we have a lot of extra clothes, it's MUCH harder to keep them organized or even clean. If you always have another pair of pants or another shirt to wear, you will keep putting off cleaning the ones that you've gotten dirty. </div>
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Implementing this requires some constant re-visiting of your stuff and deciding if you really need or want to have these things in your life. So, probably during my maternity leave, I'll have at least 3 or 4 of these purging sessions where we go through clothing, books, and other things in order to decide if we really need to keep these things around, or if we can simplify and get rid of some of them. I already feel like our house is cleaner and more organized, and I think we could make it even more simple! </div>
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Note: We'll see if I feel like doing any of that after the baby arrives.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-49421964089632223622013-06-26T11:22:00.000-04:002013-06-26T11:22:05.192-04:00Jorge Drexler<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d9Ibzfz0sCk/UcsG7de5ToI/AAAAAAAACuU/jBED-AIpuuA/s1600/drexler_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d9Ibzfz0sCk/UcsG7de5ToI/AAAAAAAACuU/jBED-AIpuuA/s1600/drexler_n.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Last night, we got the rare pleasure of going to Jorge Drexler's concert here in Panama. One of those musically delightful, intimate, and inspiring concerts that truly soothe the soul. Jorge Drexler is a creative poet and musician. He has a dry sense of humor and really connects with the audience, as he plays and talks as if you were in your living room and makes you feel as if you were one of his good friends.</div>
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He came to Panama a year and a half ago, so he returned to Panama sooner than he would usually return to a country --but I guess something made him want to come back! The concert had a quieter tone this time, but he played more songs. He just went on and on without a pre-determined set of songs. It was so good! I left the concert feeling refreshed, excited, and hopeful. I have missed going to this type of concert here in Panama, but when you get to go to a concert like this one --it kind of makes up for it!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-2282243932188509032013-06-25T10:38:00.002-04:002013-06-25T10:42:33.688-04:00Getting ready for change<div style="text-align: justify;">
Change has always been a "normal" part of my life. This past year has been very strange since I have encountered very little change. I didn't move to a new country or house houses, for the first time in my life I didn't change jobs after one year, and in general everything has been pretty stable. Then, I realized that I was pregnant and have had several months to get geared up for the next big change. </div>
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The thing about this next change is that it's going to be very different from any other change I've ever faced. I think having a baby has the potential to be harder and more rewarding than any of the other types of change I've experienced. We are also expecting to move into a new house very soon. So, now we are about to have a baby (in just a few weeks), move into a new house, and I'm not going back to work for several months -which at this point is also a big change!</div>
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I was doing some blog reading and found some excellent advice when encountering change and I thought I'd share some of the things I found:<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>Focus on what you have, not what you want.</strong> Getting
grateful about what you have is the easiest way to put what you want
into perspective. Even if you never get exactly what you think you want,
find thanks and happiness in what you have.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Learn.</strong> If you weren’t so focused on the suffering
or upheaval a transition offers, you could recognize the often subtle
lessons that appear.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Exercise.</strong> Walk, stretch, move, take a hike, or do something that gets your heart pumping
and body moving. There is happiness in movement and knowing that you are
doing something good for your body and brain.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Establish routine.</strong> You might not be able to
maintain your regular morning or evening routine during a time of
transition, but you can establish mini-routines during the day. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>Choose happiness.</strong> Don’t wait for a transition to
make you happy. It won’t. There are so many external forces involved in
transition and life that your only hope for sustainable happiness is to
choose it.</li>
</ul>
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I love this and hope to implement these suggestions in the next few weeks and months. =)</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-12592139540060606022013-03-08T18:58:00.001-05:002013-03-08T18:58:18.125-05:00This feeting momentDo you ever long to have someone to talk to? Not complain, not vent, just talk? When I got home from work this evening, I sat down on the steps next to my bookshelf with Jolie sitting next to me and noticed the books on the shelf. Some Camus, Bonhoeffer, and several other philosophically inclined writers and theologians. I miss having people around me that motivate me to read and discuss these types of things. I miss conversations that take me outside of the mundane and direct my thoughts towards things that are more transcendental, maybe even eternal.<br />
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Here is the thing, I want to be happy and thankful. I know I am blessed in so many ways, and I never want to loose sight of that truth. My life, in general, feels pretty consistent with my core beliefs. There are still many goals and dreams to be achieved, but there are many things that seem right. I want to live a life in which generosity and solidarity with those who need most is a possibility--and in some small ways that is a reality in my life. That is an amazing gift.<br />
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Nevertheless, right now, I feel surrounded by negativity and short sightedness. Short term challenges become overwhelming obstacles, and possible long-term solutions get blocked by a negativity that is permeating my environment. I am afraid that I am falling into the trap, I am also complaining, I am also part of the problem. It feels like the problems are bigger than me, and I'm afraid of what will happen if they don't get addressed or fixed, however I am also afraid of speaking to those who are supposed to support me in these challenges because I have lost faith in my leaders somehow.<br />
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I want to regain perspective, think about those things that transcend this fleeting moment and complete my work, my duty, with a cheerful heart. Trust in those people who I have trusted in the past, and do my best in all things at all times, without loosing hope and without giving up on dreams and goals that sustain me through the mundane moments. Do you ever just want to talk about things that have meaning? Well, I'm just going to share this, and try to leave it here. The conversations may come, perspective might be right around the corner. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-9419221097313484552013-02-14T06:00:00.000-05:002013-02-14T06:00:13.950-05:00Life and good"See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil.<br />
If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today,<br />
by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways,<br />
and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, <br />
then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you<br />
in the land that you are entering to take possession of it.<br />
...<br />
Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live,<br />
loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him<br />
for his his your life and length of days,<br />
that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers..."<br />
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<i>Deuteronomy 30:15-20</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-15157141075632812492013-02-13T20:50:00.001-05:002013-02-13T20:50:24.324-05:00Dog Days<iframe frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/660903814/dog-days-a-documentary-film/widget/video.html" width="480"> </iframe><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-68637078881277134332013-02-13T08:01:00.000-05:002013-02-13T08:02:14.274-05:00PenitenceMost holy and merciful Father:<br />
We confess to you and to one another,<br />
...<br />
that we have sinned by our own fault<br />
in thought, word, and deed;<br />
by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.<br />
<br />
We have not loved you with our whole heart, and mind, and strength.<br />
We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.<br />
We have not forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.<br />
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We confess to you, Lord,<br />
...<br />
Our self-indulgent appetites and ways,<br />
and our exploitation of other people,<br />
Our anger at our own frustration,<br />
and our envy of those more fortunate than ourselves,<br />
<br />
Our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts,<br />
and our dishonesty in daily life and work,<br />
Our negligence in prayer and worship,<br />
and our failure to commend the faith that is in us<br />
...<br />
<i>The Book of Common Prayer</i> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-69172084476034092662013-02-13T04:00:00.000-05:002013-02-13T04:00:08.893-05:00Ash WednesdayIs not this the fast that I choose;<br />
to loose the bonds of wickedness,<br />
to undo the straps of the yoke,<br />
to let the oppressed go free,<br />
and to break every yoke?<br />
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Is it not to share your bread with the hungry<br />
and bring the homeless poor into your house;<br />
when you see the naked, to cover him,<br />
and not to hid yourself from your own flesh?<br />
<br />
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,<br />
and your healing shall spring up speedily;<br />
your righteousness shall go before you;<br />
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.<br />
<br />
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer,<br />
you shall cry, and he will say, "Here I am".<br />
If you take away the yoke from your midst,<br />
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,<br />
<br />
if you pour yourself out for the hungry<br />
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,<br />
then shall your light rise in the darkness<br />
and your gloom be as the noonday.<br />
<br />
And the Lord will guide you continually<br />
and satisfy your desire in scorched places<br />
and make your bones strong;<br />
and you shall be like a watered garden,<br />
like a spring of water,<br />
whose waters do not fail.<br />
<br />
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;<br />
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;<br />
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,<br />
the restorer of streets to dwell in. <br />
<br />
<i>Isaiah 58:6-12</i><br />
<br />
We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.<br />
For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin,<br />
so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.<br />
<br />
Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.<br />
For he says,<br />
<br />
"In a favorable time I listened to you, and in a day of salvation I have helped you"<br />
<br />
Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.<br />
<br />
<i>2 Corinthians 5:20a-6:2</i><br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-45446685709578807482013-02-12T11:01:00.001-05:002013-02-12T11:01:24.035-05:00to learn the secret<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I
have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philipians 4:12</span></i><br />
<br />
There is so much to learn. I am learning how to be content. This may be the lesson I continue to learn for the rest of my life. I cannot yet make the claim "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation". I would like to say that I have discovered this secret, however I cannot.<br />
<br />
In most situations I tend to have that <i>one</i> thing that I wish was different. For example, I might have the weather I love and a job I enjoy but, I long for the community I have left behind that stimulated me spiritually and intellectually. In one place I have enjoyed art and music, but longed for a more internationally minded community. In another, I have had the stimulating community, but missed the beauty of nature in the place I just left or find it difficult to provide for my basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter. I get a job and then wish for art and music. I get culture and long for friendship and community. Oh to learn the secret!<br />
<br />
There might be a discontent that comes with being a 'stranger' on the earth. All of these things, community, beauty, shelter, provision, etc. might be seen and welcomed from a distance like the men and women of faith in the Bible<i>.</i> Sometimes I feel like I see the possibility of discovering the secret of contentment and saying "I want to stay here, in this place for a long time" and then I find myself anxious, restless and longing for something different. I hope that someday, I will find myself in a place that I would not like to leave for a long time... to seek a bit more passionately the secret of being content.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-62498716313330311412013-01-01T17:01:00.000-05:002013-01-01T17:18:59.351-05:00What is worth all this work?<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>"Most men, even in this comparatively free country , through mere ignorance and mistake, are so occupied with the factitious cares and superfluously coarse labors of life that its finer fruits cannot be plucked by them."</i></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i> -</i>Walden by Henry David Thoreau</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.schoolsliaison.org.uk/kids/access/victorian/images/work.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="http://www.schoolsliaison.org.uk/kids/access/victorian/images/work.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Sometimes I find myself wondering what it is that I am truly most passionate about. Passion is a strong word and an elusive subject. I have watched more than a few videos and read more than a few books that talk about finding that thing which one is passionate about and then and only then all other things ought to fall into place. We will work without feeling the toil and make ends meet without struggling to maintain interest in our occupations. Oh, to find that passion which would make all work seem like fun and fun a productive use of our time!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It might be a naive hope, but part of me want to believe in this Utopian reality where my most passionate interest could provide both for all of the material needs of my family and be my employment, in the most practical sense. I guess in simplest terms, to love what you do, to truly find deep pleasure and satisfaction in your work --to be filled with energy and not have your spirit be exhausted by your work. I know that some people have found this job that fulfills them and are blessed with the ability to love what they do, but is it not more rare than it ought to be?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I think I struggle with this question because it goes beyond answering the questions of "How will I take care of my needs and those of my family?" or "What job can I find that will fill me with joy and satisfaction?" and it is rooted in a deeper set of questions such as, "Why am I here on this planet?" "What is the meaning of life?" and "Am I truly in control of my destiny?" among many other confusing questions which are dealt with mostly in a spiritual context and even if you pause to consider them you cannot linger too long without having to go back to work and get caught up in the potential meaningless of your daily drudgery.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I may have started out by asking entirely the wrong question. Maybe I shouldn't be asking, "What am I passionate about?" but "What is worth being passionate about?" Maybe passion is something that is discovered and we are not necessarily wired to have one predetermined passion. Perhaps, if we find what is worth being passionate about, we may just as well find out that what we have been laboring endlessly for is not entirely worth all the struggle. Discovering what is worth being passionate about may lead us to a simpler existence which is less exhausting and more delightful. We may have to spend some of our time and energy concerned with simple survival -how will we eat and where will we live, but if we are not too absorbed in those things as the "end" then, perhaps, we will find the work to be less of our concern and find more time to enjoy what is truly worth being passionate about.</div>
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I guess this year I would like to enjoy "life's finer fruits" to quote Thoreau, spending less time on the "superfluously coarse labors" and attempting to nurture those things that are worth being passionate about. Perhaps, I will have to spend some of my time inquiring and searching for what those things may be, but in any case, it seems like it would be a worth while journey to embark upon in this new year.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Washington D. C., Distrito de Columbia, EEUU38.8951118 -77.036365838.697392300000004 -77.3590893 39.0928313 -76.7136423tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-83341805872315556292012-10-27T14:18:00.001-04:002012-10-27T14:18:07.114-04:00WishesThere are a number of things I wish for on a regular basis. One of those is being content. It's hard sometimes.<br />
<ol>
<li>Smile.</li>
<li>Be greatful.</li>
<li>Exercise.</li>
<li>Eat healthy.</li>
<li>Rest.</li>
</ol>
I <b>wish</b> that it was easier.<br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-78636448593831103272012-07-07T21:35:00.000-04:002012-07-07T21:35:11.659-04:00soccerToday, I played a game of soccer for the first time in a LONG time. It was really fun! I guess training for a run has helped me feel more excited to play.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-45476182581802961382012-07-07T01:49:00.001-04:002012-07-07T01:49:11.995-04:00Awake my soulHow fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes<br /> I struggle to find any truth in your lies<br /> And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know<br /> My weakness I feel I must finally show<br /> <br /> Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all<br /> But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall<br /> Lend me your eyes I can change what you see<br /> But your soul you must keep, totally free<br /> Har har, har har<br /> har har, har har<br /> <br /> awake my soul...<br /> awake my soul...<br /> <br /> In these bodies we will live, <br /> in these bodies we will die<br /> Where you invest your love, <br /> you invest your life<br /> <br /> awake my soul...<br /> awake my soul...<br /> awake my soul...<br /> For you were made to meet your maker<br /><br /><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6V4gKxnzKk&feature=related" target="_blank">-Mumford & Sons</a><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-36137480727792653262012-07-07T01:28:00.001-04:002012-07-07T01:28:09.752-04:00Uncertainty is my most loyal friend<div style="text-align: justify;">
I’m trying to figure out how to reconcile the desire to write with teaching, social activism, and family life. I’m unsure if I
should pursue writing, teaching, international development, or some
other type of work. I’m also not sure if I should go back to grad
school. I’m not sure if we should start having children.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Can I combine all of these things into something I love? The
only thing that is clear for me is that nothing is clear.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-14169868995923240062012-07-06T23:19:00.000-04:002012-07-06T23:19:29.089-04:00On being with others<div style="text-align: justify;">
"I am of the opinion that "marriage" as such does not deserve as much emphasis as it has accrued because of the conventional development of its nature. No one would dream of expecting a single individual to be "happy" --once someone is married, however, everyone is very astonished when he is <i>not </i>happy! (Meanwhile it actually isn't all that important to be happy, neither as an individual nor as a married person.) In some regards, marriage simplifies the conditions of life, and such a union surely augments the strengths and determinations of two young people so that they jointly seem to reach further into the future than before. Only these are sensations by which one cannot live. Above all marriage is a new task and a new seriousness--a new challenge and a question regarding the strength and kindness of each participant and a new great danger for both."</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<i>-Rainer Maria Rilke</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-91373946268736233362012-04-28T22:41:00.001-04:002012-04-28T22:41:13.096-04:00MotivationSometimes, I wonder what other people do in order to stay motivated with long, seemingly unending tasks. I don't know if other people are able to switch off the button that says: "I care a lot about this", or if other people just have inherently more motivation than I do, but sometimes it seems like other people are motivated and I'm not.<br />
<br />
I'm sure that it's just a matter of perception and it's not actually true, but it feels true. I know that I'm just tired, but being tired makes me feel profoundly demotivated. What can I do about that? What can I do? <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-twxEp7usPIw/T5yqNv8Y9ZI/AAAAAAAAChI/EAKcknSMQNA/s640/blogger-image--657050507.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-twxEp7usPIw/T5yqNv8Y9ZI/AAAAAAAAChI/EAKcknSMQNA/s640/blogger-image--657050507.jpg" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-16477560684200332972012-04-03T09:15:00.000-04:002012-04-03T09:21:42.789-04:00Doing what you love<div style="text-align: justify;">
I wonder if most people have to take a
lot of tangents in life to figure out what they love to do or if most
people just "know". Maybe the people that love what they do just choose
to love what they happen to be doing. I think that I love what I'm
doing with my life right now, but I often feel like it's only part of a
puzzle that I'm putting together. I'm still finding all the pieces for
my life calling. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://www.transitionsabroad.com/images/teaching_abroad_k-12.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.transitionsabroad.com/images/teaching_abroad_k-12.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
It's
been fascinating to realize how much I love teaching (something that I
never realized when I was in college) and slowly, slowly I'm discovering
what aspects of teaching I love the most. The work that I've done in
the past that has let me be in constant contact with people who are
looking for opportunities to improve their (less that good)
circumstances makes me think that I would love to have my life work
dedicated to that group of people. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Something
else that I've realized is that I didn't go wrong when I chose to study
history in college. I LOVE the story of people and the ways that
people have interacted with one another throughout place and time. This
is why I love literature, history, and geography. These are the
subjects that I find most exciting to teach at school, in part because
I'm most prepared to teach them and in part because they are the ones
that I love the most. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
What
I am doing right now, writing here, makes me feel like this is the
missing element -not only telling stories, I get to do that all day long
at school, but actually writing them down. I think that the writing
part is what makes me enjoy planning for teaching, I enjoy writing down
what needs to be done and ways that we could accomplish what needs to be
done. I think about this a lot and feel like there are many ways that
these different elements can come together to become what I will do and
love. I hope.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-20888819481586274102012-04-03T08:48:00.000-04:002012-04-03T08:48:16.893-04:00Making mistakes<div style="text-align: justify;">
On Friday we were let out for spring break and as I usually do when I have a 'break' I start reflecting on what I do and wondering if this is actually the place for me. I want to be able to 'live in the moment', but being someone who reflects and reflects about what they are doing and where it will lead inspires me to continue wondering and dreaming in spite of being very certain that I ought to be where I am and doing what I am doing at the moment.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://www.wyzant.com/help/images/mon12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.wyzant.com/help/images/mon12.gif" /></a>Last week I was feeling sick. I had a fever and was feeling exhausted. So much so that when I was trying to multiply two numbers in class, I got completely confused and couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and had to ask for help. In that moment, the students said, "The teacher is being taught math by another teacher, that's not good." </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The cloud that was blocking my brain didn't allow me to really think about it until later, but being taught and teaching one another is something that makes us better people. If one is not completely incompetent in what one is doing, being taught and teaching is how the world works, but it is often so hard to humbly accept that one can make obvious blunders in front of others. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-56609382878608280722012-03-28T23:27:00.004-04:002012-03-28T23:28:19.868-04:00When your vision fails<div style="text-align: justify;">
I came home with a fever today. I fell into a profound sleep almost as soon as I got home. I am tired. No, I am exhausted. I feel like I've done some things well this year as a teacher and in other things I'm afraid I've failed miserably. It is easy to feel down about those things that you don't do as well as you know should be or could be done.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Reflecting on the work we have done this year, a friend reminded me how much work we have had to do preparing our teaching materials that our areas of weakness are not excusable perhaps, but certainly understandable. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I guess I feel like my vision fails on days like today. Hopefully it is the fever and exhaustion thinking and soon enough I will have renewed my heart for the various projects I'm pouring myself into.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5186394140570819880.post-90453393586995975712012-03-25T10:32:00.001-04:002012-03-25T10:34:52.198-04:00Restlessness is contagiousI am a restless person. That is so deeply ingrained in me that even when I am trying to stay somewhere, I keep looking for opportunities to go to other places. This restlessness is fed by all the people I meet who are either coming or going to places. I am feeling particularly restless these recent days.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
--- </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
About ten days ago, I received an email saying that I had a message waiting for me on facebook. I'm on something of a facebook break which meant that I was about to ignore the message when Ariel said, "You should check it! It might be something important." So, I went and read the message --ignoring all other facebook temptations-- and saw that it was kind of important. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A few years ago, I lived for a few months in El Salvador. I was blessed by an amazing family who invited me --a complete stranger-- to live with them during that time. They became a second family for me. How that all came about is another long story, but what is important is that one of their sons lives in Venezuela and the message I received was from him.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
He asked me if I would know of a place that two friends of his -who were traveling from Argentina on their way to Alaska- would be able to stay when they arrived in Panama and if they could contact us. We thought we could help them so, Ariel was wonderful enough to follow up with them and send them his contact information. They sent us a message saying that they were going to be coming to Panama on a sailboat through the San Blas Islands and that they would call us when the had arrived in Panama.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Several days went by. We assumed they were having a fabulous time in the Islands and didn't worry about them. Finally, this week they called Ariel and told him that they had arrived and would be coming as soon as they got their van out of customs and sorted out their own entry. So, without telling all details, they finally arrived.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Once they had eaten something they told us a bit about some of their adventures driving from Argentina through South America and then told us all about their misadventures on their sailing trip from Colombia to Panama. As it turns out, their trip was awful and they almost died at sea without hardly a drop of water or a bite of food for almost 5 days. It was an amazing story which I'm sure they will write on their <a href="http://www.aprendiendoaviajar.com/" target="_blank">blog</a> when they get the chance.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So, we have enjoyed hearing their stories and even got them to play a game of Settlers of Catán with us. They will be in Panama for a period of time, traveling, and then continuing their trip --enjoying each part of each country they go through. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
---</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now, with that clarified my recent bout of restlessness is explained. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2