One month...

As of last Tuesday, I've been married for a month.  It has been a busy, exhausting month but, when I think about all of the things thay we've done this month I think that getting married and living in Panama are two wonderful choices I've made in life.

Let me see, in the month of August I started teaching Spanish to 4th, 5th, 7th and 9th graders at an international school here in Panama city (less than two weeks after getting married).  I've partially moved twice this month and this week will move (hopefully for the last time) into a more permanent house.  It should be a great place to live.  I've also purchased a car and started driving in Panama city.

If you've never been to Panama you will not be able to grasp the significance of some of those acomplishments.  Driving in Panama city is one of the scariest things I've ever tried to do, I have to admit that I feel quite proud of myself for even being willing to try.  It also opens up the possibility to do a lot of things that are just impractical without a car.  We even discovered a fantastic coffee shop relatively close to my work, a great place to meet up, chat and read a book.

I've started teaching and that is a responsibility that I love.  I am thrilled to be a teacher.  This week something very exciting happened.  The International Book Fair of Panama.  Ariel and I were in heaven there.  The greatest thing that we discovered was a new literary non-ficcion journal that is starting up.  It is called El Guayacan.  I'm super excited to see something like that happening here in Panama.  I want to figure out how to be a part of something like that.

I am excited about what is happening in Panama culturally and I'm excited to maybe get to be a part of it!

telling stories

Today, my brothers and I headed over to the American Art Gallery and saw the new Norman Rockwell exhibit.  The exhibit is called, Telling Stories: Norman Rockwell from the Collections of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. 

I love Norman Rockwell probably just as much as the next person.  His paintings are warm and personal.  You feel like you could and would like to know most of the people in his paintings.  He gives you a sense that things are well or that they will turn out well. 

It was interesting to look at the collections from the perspective of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg since they are such successful film directors.  The emphasized that one of the things that they love about Norman Rockwell's paintings that he tells a story in one frame.  He captures details, emotions, and even action in a single picture.  

I love that idea and as I think about storytelling and wanting to be a better storyteller myself, there is a lot to learn from the idea of storytelling being like taking or painting a picture.  The writing of the story requires adding all of those details, the emotions, the movements, and the colors that make you feel like you know those characters or you have been in that place.  

I'd love to be as good of a storyteller as Norman Rockwell.

highlight

A highlight of this month was when I got to go see Josh Ritter in concert.  If you have ever seen him play live you know what a great experience it is.  You get this feeling when you see him play that you'd really like to be his friend.  You want him to be your new best friend.  He seems to LOVE what he does and he plays with so much energy and is so happy to be up front singing his well crafted song-stories to everyone. I love it.  After going to a Josh Ritter concert I always wish that I could have dinner with Ritter and his friends to get to enjoy some interesting conversation and more great music.

happy (lunar) new year!

I forgot to say "happy year of the tiger" to everyone on Sunday.  I've been enjoying the "lunar new year" stamps these days as I've been loving the snow break to write cards to my friends. I think this is going to be the best year of the tiger ever.

That being said, we went back to school today after our snow storm break.  We were thinking of all the snow related compound words like "snowman", "snowball", "snowflake"... I also had to respond to the principle's question about individual's intent to return next year.  

To be honest, I teared up as I was writing it.  I am going to miss it there.  I have had a very good experience and feel like I've learned a lot.  The people have been so incredible and I'm so thankful for such a wonderful team of people.  I know I'm not leaving yet but, I want to make the most of it.

Not that I'm completely sad.  The truth is that I'm mostly happy because in addition to having to say goodbye to lots of wonderful things in my life, this year is also going to be filled with new and wonderful things (like getting married) and hopefully experiencing and learning in another school setting.

Apprentice: learner, prentice, works for an expert to learn a trade

I have a lot of things rushing through my head right now. I’m tired. Being a teacher is hard. Being an apprentice is not as hard but, it’s still hard. I am being convinced, more and more, without a doubt teaching makes a difference. Teaching is probably one of the jobs that make the biggest difference in people’s lives. It may also be one of the most difficult jobs out there.

My education was so random and varied I don’t think I realized until the past couple of years that teaching is what I have been wanting to do all this time. I have wanted to be involved in helping develop stronger communities and giving people the opportunity and reasons to dream and create. All of that is hopelessly idealistic and I intend to stick to it. What it looks like in reality is much less lovely and much more incredible. The obstacles are bigger than you could imagine and the rewards are much more subtle --students learning that they like to eat vegetables, parents getting their students to the doctor, and other non-“standard based” accomplishments.

I have been working with such dedicated and excellent teachers. I admire them so much. I feel so honored and inspired working with them. Our students are actually reaching their “grade level” standards. I am exhausted but, I intend to learn all that I can so that I will also one day be as good of a teacher as the ones I’m working with right now. Their unwavering dedication to children and their learning is incredible, patience, so much patience, work, so much work, and commitment. It’s fantastic. It’s hard.

I left work feeling so disappointed. How are we supposed to teach children whose parents are caught up in their own emotional messes? If they are not nurturing their children and giving them safe homes with relationships that are secure? Some of our children are so distracted by their relational poverty that they have a very, very hard time learning. It’s difficult, but it’s still so important what we do, in spite of all the odds being against them and us, they are STILL learning. It’s hard but, it’s unbelievably rewarding.

I need to spend more time alone...

I’ve always loved how Henri talks about Solitude and Community. In some ways it is because I am someone who needs a lot of it but also because I think that most people need more of it. I have always felt encouraged and challenged by the way Henri talks about Prayer and Spirituality in general.

Recently, I’ve been feeling the questions that he raises at the beginning of “Clowning in Rome”. “It is in the midst of this dark world that we are invited to live and radiate hope. Is it possible? …How can we live in home so as to give hope? And how do we find true joy?”

I think that I’ve often allowed myself be depleted of creative and loving energy by trying to be always present to other people and always thinking that I ought to be able to nurture or meet other people’s needs.

Henri talks about how that type of thinking is dangerous and that we should think of our “fellow human beings not as partners who satisfy our deepest needs, but as brothers and sisters with whom we are called to give visibility to God’s all-embracing love.” When we take the time to be alone we realize that community is less something we make than something we receive.

Henri writes, “Whenever we pray alone, study, read, write, or simply spend quiet time away from the places where we interact with each other directly, we are potentially opened for a deeper intimacy with each other. It is a fallacy to think that we grow closer to each other only when we talk, play, or work together… in solitude our intimacy with each other is deepened… If we base our life together on our physical proximity, on our ability to spend time together, speak with each other, eat together, and worship together, life quickly starts fluctuating according to moods, personal attractiveness and mutual compatibility, and thus becomes very demanding and tiring…gentleness, peacefulness, and the inner freedom to move closer to each other, or to withdraw from each other, are nurtured in solitude.”

He talks about how we find our identity in solitude and it allows us to reach out to others because it calls us to deeper love. It isn’t that we become hermits but, that we have space to recognize that other people can never completely fulfill us. He talks about solitude with others and I like that idea: “Silence and solitude do not attract us when we are busy and preoccupied. Thus we have to structure some short periods of time when we can be alone, together. Being alone with God for yourself is a very different experience from being alone with God as part of your life together.” I think that is a beautiful idea and I want to continue thinking about it for a while.

Henri and I

Yesterday, I walked out of work and went down to the Potter’s House to get a book that I wanted to share with a friend. (It is always dangerous for me to walk into bookstores.) I got the book I was looking for… and two others.

One of them was “Clowning in Rome” by Henri Nouwen. I had heard about years ago but I had never read and it seemed so fitting to my current state of internal restlessness that I bought it. I went out from the bookstore down to Tryst (a very hip spot in Adam’s Morgan, DC) and spent several hours reading and writing. I started reading “Clowning in Rome” and felt like Nouwen (as usual) knew me and was speaking directly to my current circumstances. This has happened before.

I remember when I worked all summer in the mountains of Colorado and was feeling broken and lonely. I went down to Denver one weekend and walked into a bookstore where I saw the book “The Wounded Healer” and bought it without knowing what it was about. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. Needless to say, I don’t know if everyone gets Nouwen the way I do, but I love how I feel understood by him.

I never learned to count my blessings

Last night, I went to see Ray LaMontagne play and sing in Philadelphia. I heard someone describe his music as "Appalachian dust-folk" which is a pretty accurate description. I like the "dust" part, his voice is so husky and his music is so interesting. The best part of most of his songs is that they have such intricate and lovely words. In many ways, I identify strongly with some of the anxiety that he sings about. In one of his songs "Empty" he sings,

She lifts her skirt up to her knees, walks through the garden rows with her bare feet, laughing. I never learned to count my blessings, I choose instead to dwell in my disasters. I walk on down the hill, through grass, grown tall and brown and still its hard somehow to let go of my pain.

It makes me think about how often I choose to "dwell in my disasters" instead of counting my blessings. It's just that it's so hard sometimes. Last night was one of those times when I found myself dwelling in my disasters. Actually, the past couple of weeks I've been there, forgetting to count my blessings. Feeling "so empty, so estranged" and wondering if I am always going to feel this way. It's crazy how lonely it is possible to feel even when we are surrounded by people, sometimes because we are surrounded by people.

He sang his song "You Are The Best Thing" that is on his new album Gossip in the Grain and I was happily surprised. I had told one of my friends that I didn't like the version that was on the album but, I had an idea that it was going to be very good live and IT WAS. He talked about how he changed it for the recording and he likes it better the way that he had recorded it originally. It was totally better that way. His music and his voice are fantastic, his commentary throughout the concert was kind of bland and unnecessary. I would have preferred if he would have just sung and left the rest to silence. Otherwise, it was a good concert, I'm glad I got to be there.

beauty

What more, you may ask, do we want? … We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words—to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it.
—C.S. Lewis, "The Weight of Glory"

Music + Brazil = Love. Love. Love.

Recently, I have fallen in love with Brazilian music.

Up

I just have to say that this is a great movie. It's funny how many people dream of adventure but never get around to it. I love Ellie in this movie. I can identify with her, sometimes I have a little too much enthusiasm. I guess I hope that I would be able to always embrace the simple things in my life and love them... but, I also hope that I'll get to have the adventures too! I wonder how many Ellie and Carl's there are out there...

time to evaluate

Something is wrong when I don't have time for reading, writing, praying, studying, listening, being informed, playing and appreciating silence and beauty.

At the same time, I'm grateful for community, friends, family, food, generosity, travel, being known, and journeying with others.

josh ritter

Today, I realized that I am going to miss two fantastic concerts and I'm kind of disappointed. So, I decided I'd chat about it for a minute. So, last year, I went to my first concert EVER and it was so fun. I got to go see Josh Ritter. Now, obviously, since it was my first concert, I didn't have anything to compare it to I am no authority on the subject but, I thought it was fantastic. He has such a great presence and he just smiles while he sings, it's so great.

Anyway, I'm going to miss two great concerts and if you live anywhere near either one of these venues you ought to go see them. The first concert that I'm going to miss is a FREE concert with Josh Ritter performing orchestrated arrangements backed by the fabulous New York Pops in Central Park. That is going to be so good.

The second concert that I am going to miss is Josh Ritter playing at the Egyptian Theatre in Boise, Idaho with Blind Pilot. Ironically, I am going to see Blind Pilot in a couple of weeks, they've got some good music. But, Blind Pilot with Josh Ritter?! It couldn't get much better than that. Such a sad day for me! If you live in Idaho you MUST go see them, if nothing else for my sake!

worries and blessings

I've been a little more worried than usual in the past couple of days about what is going to happen to me next year. I know that I shouldn't worry. I know that God is good and will provide for me.

I also know that in spite of my worries I am so blessed. I live with wonderful girls. I am in an interesting city and am part of a really good community. I am really happy right now, in spite of my worries.

We loose sight of so many things when we worry. We miss out on the good things in life. So, I'm trying not to worry. With that thought, I think there were times during college that I missed out on some fun because I was worried about stuff.

One thing I will never regret is the time that I spent in the downtown East Side of Vancouver. I just found this video made by my university featuring one of the coolest profs at my school and the East Side. I have MUCH to be thankful for.

enchanted by the Word

First, I fell in love with the Word, and then the spirit in it --the Inspiration-- and then (was it inevitable?) I fell in love with the Author who cannot be separated from the words and the spirit of the words because they are all mixed up and yet, they are all separate. "In the beginning was the Word."

It all started with the words that I read and loved. At first, I thought I loved the words but then I realized that it was the spirit of the words that captured me and filled me with wonder. Later, much, much later I saw that the words had an Author and that the Spirit came from and filled the Author who carefully chose the words. Without the Author the Words would not have been filled with the Inspiration that moved me.

Tonight, I had such a lovely experience. I went to see a documentary film called PALAVRA (EN)CANTADA (The Enchanted Word). In Portuguese the title is much more powerful because the word "enchanted" so obviously has the word "sung" in it. The film was lovely, an experience filled with music and nostalgic reflections on the power of story, poetry, and music. I loved the tensions felt about drawing from the richness of history and literature and the beauty of the colloquial, improvised music that is filled with rhythm, and makes you want to live, to dance.

I hope that I will always be as easily "enchanted" as I was tonight. I often feel captivated by the unusual things around me. I am particularly interested in what it is that gives people inspiration to create. The desert can be a source of inspiration, literature, a city, the masses of people, solitude... all of them can give you something wonderful. A glance, a spoken word, music played softly... the come filled with Inspiration from the Author.

I'm in love with the Word and the words...

the maddening capriciousness of the creative process

Ok, I promise that I won't keep just posting videos but, this is also SO good!

A rose by any other name...

would smell just as sweet? This [Shakespeare Had Roses All Wrong] is a super interesting story that was aired on NPR Morning Edition. The story is about the influence that the language we speak has on the way that we interact with and perceive the world. I love language and I think that this is fascinating.

the paradox of choice

Unfortunately, I identify with this, having too many options is paralyzing.

Art in Common Spaces

Int' Water Day

I like water. I like drinking clean water without any fears of getting sick because of it. Every 20 seconds, a child dies as a result of the poor sanitary conditions endured by some 2.6 billion people around the world.

I think that often I take water for granted. I don't often in my prayer blessing the food say "thank you for this fresh, clean water". Maybe it is a good thing to stop and consider that as a real gift. I'm going to try to celebrate International World Water Day. Apparently, it is held annually on 22 March as a means of focusing attention on the importance of freshwater and advocating for the sustainable management of freshwater resources. (I didn't know about it until this year).

There are a lot of random things people could do to celebrate World Water Day.

1. You could learn about and donate to Play Pumps International.
2. You could go to a World Water Day Event in your town/city. [Water for People DC is featuring the Filmmaker of "Blue Gold," Sam Bozzo; Friday March 20, 2009 6:30pm @ 1904 14th St. NW Washington, DC 20009]
3. You could learn more about water and the water crisis through organizations like Water for Life.
4. You could participate in the World Water Day International Poster Contest.
5. You can provide access to clean water for 12 people by using a replyforall email signature for one month.

Last, and not least, you can be thankful for the next clean glass of water that you get to drink.