Antimicrobial resistance

I have been feeling frustrated recently with my activity setting goals and my inactivity reaching them.  I cannot quite figure out what is wrong.  I think I need to focus more on the things I'm am grateful for, it will help me realize that there are some habits that I have that are really healthy and good.  It's not that my life is completely disorganized and unproductive, it's just that there are some habits that I would like to establish and they seem to escape me.  

On a side note, today is World Health Day.  The focus of this years World Health Day is antimicrobial resistance and it's global spread.  What is that?  This is what I got from the WHO Q&A section:

Q: What is antimicrobial resistance?

A: Antimicrobial resistance – also known as drug resistance – occurs when microorganisms such as bacteria, viruses, fungi and parasites change in ways that render the medications used to cure the infections they cause ineffective...Antimicrobial resistance is facilitated by the inappropriate use of medicines, for example, when taking substandard doses or not finishing a prescribed course of treatment. 

March Challenges

Today is the first day of March and the first day of a lot of things for me.  I have decided to join two challenges this month.  The Fitblogger Challenge and the March Writing Challenge at 750words.   I saw that Bonnie posted about the Fitblogger challenge and I am excited to join in order to complement another health  related challenge I've joined at school.  

I like the idea because it is described like this on the site, "the challenges are not a competition with others, but with ourselves, to strive for something we maybe didn’t think we could do, and challenge our own definition of ourselves... The challenge can take whatever form of goal you’d like fitness, nutritional, it’s entirely up to you and what your personal goals are."

• You can pledge minutes, miles, consistency (like 5 days a week).
• For this challenge, no weight related goals please. That might be a bonus for a more active lifestyle but we’re focusing on health. You might want to work in a nutrition goal, like drink 8 glasses of water a day, eat 5 fruits and veggies, etc.

March goals:

My goals are focused on having more healthy eating habits and mostly more healthy physical activity levels. The great thing about combining this activity with bogging is that I can feel accountable with other goals that I have.

1. My goal is to get 20-30 minutes of physical activity (swimming, jump rope, etc.) five times a week.  I think that is a very reasonable goal and it is my main goal.  
2. I think that on a nutritional level I want to focus on drinking more water and eating more veggies, specifically make sure that I get some type of fruit or vegetable every day.  

I have signed up to write in the monthly writing challenge with 750 words and in order to avoid ending up on the wall of shame, I have to write at least 750 words every day.  This is a great motivation to write and I use part of my 750 words to write my entry for my blog post about my participation in the March Fitblogger Challenge (this is all working together quite well, eh?) and then, to add to that, I want to focus on writing daily on Contrapunto (our Spanish blog) and this is another way to really help me do that. This is going to be fun and I'm looking forward to it.

familiar faces

Yesterday, I was sitting in our Wednesday afternoon meeting when the person facilitating the meeting put on a short video to try to illustrate a point about "worldview". I was watching the video when suddenly a familiar face showed up on the screen. It was Os Guinness. 

I don’t know if you’ve ever had that feeling of being somewhere new where you don’t know anyone and suddenly, you see someone you know. It is such a delightful feeling. You might to believe this but, my eyes filled up with tears as if I had just been joined by a dear friend in a strange place. 

I looked around the room and wondered why I felt that way and I thought about the fact that I’ve shared more meals with Os than I have with any of my co-workers. I’ve had more challenging conversations with Os than with any of my co-workers. It seems so odd and yet so natural, to feel a missing pang for someone like Os Guinness. 

It made me feel a bit nostalgic but, mostly thankful. The truth is that last night I was thinking about the fact that even though I eventually I might miss the intellectual part of Washington a bit, I really feel much more useful here in Panama. It’s nice to be surrounded by people like that but, it feels much more useful to be in a place where teaching people to think is needed.

Married!

I have been married for one week, today.  It is wonderful to get to be in the same space as Ariel, to get to make our meals together, to talk, to read, and just be in the same physical space.  It is something both of us have longed for and it is so good to finally be together. 

All of the preparations before the wedding were a bit exhausting (to say the least) but, the wedding was just as I imagined it.  I had told Ariel that I imagined a wedding that started three days before,with friends meeting each other for the first time, just being together... it was amazing to have so many people from so many different parts of my life all together in the same place. 

The wedding day was also what I wanted.  As far as I know, nothing major went wrong.  There were things that we had talked about doing that we didn't do but, the most important things were in place and the ceremony was simple and meaningful, just as we hoped it would be.  It was so good to be able to stand there, looking at Ariel, smiling, and then be able to glance over and see so many people who've walked part of the journey with me at some point in my life.  It was beautiful.

We had great food and a good time just hanging out with everyone who came during the reception.  It felt just like it ought to, celebrating our love, and sharing it with the people who've loved and supported us along the way.  It was perfect. 

weekend

This weekend was LOVELY.  I was exhausted at the end of Friday but, I still went to an Engagement party, a Photography event, and a Cheesecake tasting all in one night!  It was the busiest Friday that I've had in a while. I went on a hike on Saturday.  It was the first hike I'd been on in a long time.  Then, Sunday was spent with some friends tasting some delicious food.  I ended it all going to Church, then coming home to mentally prepare for a couple days of lead teaching.  The truth is that life is beautiful...

Communité

The word "community" is derived from the Old French communité which is derived from the Latin communitas (cum, "with/together" + munus, "gift"), a broad term for fellowship or organized society.

Once again I am plagued with the fear that I have failed to live up to these things which I claim to believe.  Principally, that "community" is something deeply, deeply important. I know I believe this but, I am afraid that I feel at a loss as to what my place ought to be in community.

I'm thinking that I like the origin of the word because I think that community really is a gift.  A gift that ought not be taken without deep gratitude.  Nevertheless, I still wonder.  Am I living generously and gratefully towards and for my community?  Or am I holding back?

I wonder sometimes how deep the community bonds are.  I'm afraid of not being missed because somehow I didn't live grateful for what I was given.  It is so selfish to want to be missed so, perhaps that ought to be the lesson I learn.

However, I do wonder if I have given what I could and if I have invited people into welcoming hospitality as often as I should.  I'm afraid of failing to be a good friend.  I think that is one of my biggest fears.

the fun part is now

I just started reading this book called The Happiness Project and even though some people might find it kind of formulaic, I love it.  It fits my lists and checklists kind of personality.  Or maybe I think that some great advice seems SO old fashioned that we overlook it.  I love that kind of thing.  So, I might mention a few of the things I enjoyed from my reading in the next few blog posts. 

"If I can enjoy the present, I don't need to count on the happiness that is (or isn't) waiting for me in the future.  The fun part doesn't come later, now is the fun part."

That advice fits with one of my current major goals in life, which is to enjoy the moment that I'm in.  I have some big exciting changes coming up and I don't want to short-change the present because of my excitement for the future.   It is hard to remember sometimes that the "fun part is now" even though I'm sure I'll look back on these days with fondness.

thoughts on ash wednesday

"Yet even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
and rend your hearts and not your garments."
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.”
Joel 2:12-13  

Today is Ash Wednesday. In the liturgical tradition it is the beginning of the season of Lent. I was just reminded by a friend on the Christian journey that 

“Lent is an ancient Christian tradition that began as a way for Christians to join with new converts as they prepared to be baptized at Easter. It was a time for new converts / baptismal candidates to reflect on their need for Christ and walk in repentance, and the larger community of Christians would join them in this. To help in this, Christians have historically embraced some sort of fast – as a way of tangibly pulling one’s life (heart, thoughts, habits) into the way of self-denial and repentance. These are not simply initiation rites, but are essential daily practices in a life lived with God.”

I chose not to go to the Ash Wednesday service tonight because I wanted to make sure that I actually took the time to reflect on the meaning of this season and where I should examine my own heart. Why do people think of it as just a time to fast from something? Is that what it’s really about? I don’t think that it’s about fasting but, about seeking to give ourselves over to knowing God in a more intentional way. God is not any more available during this time than He is at any other time of the year. We are the ones that need markers in our lives, on our calendars to remind us that we have a lot more to receive that we’ve been aware of. 

I wonder how I can seek to know God more and see what He is doing around me so that I can join with him. I think that anything that allows me to love others well is important, which means I need to rest more and reflect more. Remembering that I need rest but that healing happens within community. Christ is found in the body of Christ. If I want to know Him more, I need to learn to enter into community as well. I need to “fast” from those things that lead me to fatigue instead of enthusiasm for loving and participating in relationship with others.

some bonhoeffer

Thank you Megan, this is perfect.

"Nothing can make up for the absence of someone who we love, and it would be wrong to find a substitute; we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, for the gap, as long it remains unfilled, preserves the bonds between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; God does not fill it, but on the contrary, God keeps it empty and so helps us keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain ... The dearer and richer our memories, the more difficult the separation. But beauties of the past are borne, not as a thorn in the flesh, but as a previous gift in themselves. We must take care not to wallow in our memories or to hand ourselves over to them, just as we don’t gaze all the time at a valuable present, but only at special times, and apart from the keep it simply as a hidden treasure that is ours for certain. In this way the past gives us lasting joy and strength."

Dietrich Bonheoffer

happy (lunar) new year!

I forgot to say "happy year of the tiger" to everyone on Sunday.  I've been enjoying the "lunar new year" stamps these days as I've been loving the snow break to write cards to my friends. I think this is going to be the best year of the tiger ever.

That being said, we went back to school today after our snow storm break.  We were thinking of all the snow related compound words like "snowman", "snowball", "snowflake"... I also had to respond to the principle's question about individual's intent to return next year.  

To be honest, I teared up as I was writing it.  I am going to miss it there.  I have had a very good experience and feel like I've learned a lot.  The people have been so incredible and I'm so thankful for such a wonderful team of people.  I know I'm not leaving yet but, I want to make the most of it.

Not that I'm completely sad.  The truth is that I'm mostly happy because in addition to having to say goodbye to lots of wonderful things in my life, this year is also going to be filled with new and wonderful things (like getting married) and hopefully experiencing and learning in another school setting.

Apprentice: learner, prentice, works for an expert to learn a trade

I have a lot of things rushing through my head right now. I’m tired. Being a teacher is hard. Being an apprentice is not as hard but, it’s still hard. I am being convinced, more and more, without a doubt teaching makes a difference. Teaching is probably one of the jobs that make the biggest difference in people’s lives. It may also be one of the most difficult jobs out there.

My education was so random and varied I don’t think I realized until the past couple of years that teaching is what I have been wanting to do all this time. I have wanted to be involved in helping develop stronger communities and giving people the opportunity and reasons to dream and create. All of that is hopelessly idealistic and I intend to stick to it. What it looks like in reality is much less lovely and much more incredible. The obstacles are bigger than you could imagine and the rewards are much more subtle --students learning that they like to eat vegetables, parents getting their students to the doctor, and other non-“standard based” accomplishments.

I have been working with such dedicated and excellent teachers. I admire them so much. I feel so honored and inspired working with them. Our students are actually reaching their “grade level” standards. I am exhausted but, I intend to learn all that I can so that I will also one day be as good of a teacher as the ones I’m working with right now. Their unwavering dedication to children and their learning is incredible, patience, so much patience, work, so much work, and commitment. It’s fantastic. It’s hard.

I left work feeling so disappointed. How are we supposed to teach children whose parents are caught up in their own emotional messes? If they are not nurturing their children and giving them safe homes with relationships that are secure? Some of our children are so distracted by their relational poverty that they have a very, very hard time learning. It’s difficult, but it’s still so important what we do, in spite of all the odds being against them and us, they are STILL learning. It’s hard but, it’s unbelievably rewarding.

Fear & Courage

There is no way I could have possibly talked about this a month or so ago but, I was mugged/attacked on my street in November and it has changed me in significant ways, some that I'm not yet clear on how to articulate.

Tonight, I re-told the story to Tommy and I have to say that telling what happened has a weird effect on me. My heart starts beating very quickly, my mind gets a little blurry as what happened rushes through my mind. I've tried to be willing to talk about it --people tell me that it will help me keep it in perspective-- and I'm thankful that I don't dream about it anymore but, it was scary. It was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me.

The thing that is hard is that it happened so close to where I live. At night, my neighborhood that I love during the day, becomes the exact location of my scariest memory. My heart beats quickly, I become nervous and glance over my shoulder fearfully at the people around me. Footsteps are a source of anxiety and anyone wearing a hood that partially covers their face scares me.

I don't know entirely how it has changed me but, I know that it has definitely caused me to act differently and even approach my friends differently. I ask for help not because I want to but because I need to because if I don't I'll be paralyzed by fear. I'm regaining a bit of confidence but, I am not the same person that I was and that might be a good thing. In the mean time, I realize how much I need people and maybe the fact that I'm growing more willing to let people know that I need them is also a good thing. There is a type of courage required to let people know that you need them.

I need to spend more time alone...

I’ve always loved how Henri talks about Solitude and Community. In some ways it is because I am someone who needs a lot of it but also because I think that most people need more of it. I have always felt encouraged and challenged by the way Henri talks about Prayer and Spirituality in general.

Recently, I’ve been feeling the questions that he raises at the beginning of “Clowning in Rome”. “It is in the midst of this dark world that we are invited to live and radiate hope. Is it possible? …How can we live in home so as to give hope? And how do we find true joy?”

I think that I’ve often allowed myself be depleted of creative and loving energy by trying to be always present to other people and always thinking that I ought to be able to nurture or meet other people’s needs.

Henri talks about how that type of thinking is dangerous and that we should think of our “fellow human beings not as partners who satisfy our deepest needs, but as brothers and sisters with whom we are called to give visibility to God’s all-embracing love.” When we take the time to be alone we realize that community is less something we make than something we receive.

Henri writes, “Whenever we pray alone, study, read, write, or simply spend quiet time away from the places where we interact with each other directly, we are potentially opened for a deeper intimacy with each other. It is a fallacy to think that we grow closer to each other only when we talk, play, or work together… in solitude our intimacy with each other is deepened… If we base our life together on our physical proximity, on our ability to spend time together, speak with each other, eat together, and worship together, life quickly starts fluctuating according to moods, personal attractiveness and mutual compatibility, and thus becomes very demanding and tiring…gentleness, peacefulness, and the inner freedom to move closer to each other, or to withdraw from each other, are nurtured in solitude.”

He talks about how we find our identity in solitude and it allows us to reach out to others because it calls us to deeper love. It isn’t that we become hermits but, that we have space to recognize that other people can never completely fulfill us. He talks about solitude with others and I like that idea: “Silence and solitude do not attract us when we are busy and preoccupied. Thus we have to structure some short periods of time when we can be alone, together. Being alone with God for yourself is a very different experience from being alone with God as part of your life together.” I think that is a beautiful idea and I want to continue thinking about it for a while.

I have a problem. Recently, I get a sense of anxiety when I'm at Church. I don't enjoy it so, I don't feel like going to Church anymore. I don't know why exactly, but I've been thinking about it and I wonder if it has something to do with my craving for quality one-on-one time with people and conversations about transcendent types of things. Recently, the conversations after Church usually end up being a rapid pace of fast "how was your week?" superficial conversations which I get tired of really fast.

The other problem is that recently, Church is one of the only spaces where I pull out my notebook and get to be alone with my thoughts yet surrounded by a lot of people. I love that! But, I feel guilty when I realize that my mind is wandering and I'm not paying attention. I just wish that I had a friend or two who enjoyed being alone "together". You know? Pulling out a journal or book with a friend, maybe surrounded by people, maybe in a quieter space... and let thoughts grow and become something. Maybe after a couple of hours or a couple of days a conversation will be born and it will be meaningful. I miss that.

I want to live where the sun comes out...

I love that I have that little "blog without obligation" reminder on my blog. This really is an outlet for me. I realize that I don't feel like blogging that much when stuff is going interestingly or well in my life. I feel more like blogging when I feel kind of lonely.

I guess that's sort of pathetic but, I think it makes sense. When I have good friends around to be with and talk to, I don't need this other useful form of processing my thoughts or emotions. Even if I don't just bare my soul on here, sometimes the vagueness of it is helpful, even this is helpful. Even if no-one reads this, it is helpful. Maybe I'll hang around here more for a while.

I wanna live life and never be cruel.
I wanna live life and be good to you.

And I wanna fly and never come down.
And live my life and have friends around.

We never change, do we?
We never learn, do we?

So, I wanna live in a wooden house.

I wanna live life and always be true.
I wanna live life and be good to you.

And I wanna fly and never come down.
And live my life and have friends around.

We never change, do we?
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house,
where making more friends would be easy.

Oh, and I don't have a soul to save.
Yes, and I sin every single day.

We never change, do we?
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Where making more friends would be easy.
I wanna live where the sun comes out ...

-Coldplay

staying for 10 years

Last week I got to know one of my co-workers a little better. She told me that she'd been working with the organization that runs the school I work at for about 10 years on and off since high school. She said, "This is a good place and it only gets better and better." I think anyone would admit that there are areas where the organization could improve, that is just one more reason that it's a good organization.

I spent the rest of the evening thinking about staying somewhere for 10 years. I haven't lived anywhere for 10 years in almost 10 years. I've spent the better part of the last 8 years moving from place to place. I wonder if I will ever be in one place for 10 or 20 years. There seems to be something very, very good about investing in a place with that type of commitment.

Some day, I'd like to be around long enough to see children I knew in elementary school graduating from high school and maybe stick around longer than that... I don't know where that'll end up being but, there is something in me that craves it a little at least.

Organizing and waiting

Ever since I got back to DC I've felt a bit less motivated to be social than I'd been in the past. I guess my emotional energy is directed elsewhere. A large part of it is being spent at the Elementary School where I'm working and I think that is good. I feel happy and tired all at the same time.

morning ramblings

I was thinking yesterday about how hard it is for me to keep things I'm excited about to myself. If I don't want to talk about it I have to avoid people, otherwise, if they ask me "how I'm doing" I'm going to end up telling them. Gah! Woe to being transparent.

The other day, I was feeling very confused and worried so, instead of going to be with people I walked around the city for hours and went to the bookstore. It was exactly what I needed to do.

I'm still reading Till We Have Faces and it is fantastic. Summer has finally arrived (in a way) to DC and it has been very hot. Even so, the evenings cool down wonderfully... and the mornings are glorious.

The tensions continue in Honduras and the international community has been pressuring for the return of Zelaya. It's all kind of scary.

so much on my mind

They say that if you have a lot on your mind to write you should just start writing it and then your ideas will come together. I hope that happens. Last night I was talking to one of my aunts and I realized that she reads my blog! I didn't know. I wonder how many other people read my blog and I have no idea that they read it!

There is a lot on my mind, like the unrest in Honduras and the beautiful weather in DC this summer. I've been reading Till We Have Faces and more than anything experiencing the odd sensation of being "in between". I will be going on a two week trip through Central America in less than two weeks. I know that as soon as I get back my life is going to be a whirlwind of activity no matter what ends up happening to me next. I am literally experiencing the calm before the storm.

I realized this week how much I am like a bird. I can make myself at home, sing, and delight in a place but, without too much difficulty, my heart can turn and open itself up to a new adventure and a new place. I have come a long way, I promise, I believe very, very much in investing in people and in staying places. I think "staying" is a big part of changing places. But, I also believe that I am not going to fix or ruin a place and if I have opportunities to live and be alive in other places, I don't have to pass them up.

This week I've spent more time alone than I have since the first two weeks of January. I like having time alone. It makes my time with people that much more wonderful. Other things I've been thinking about a lot recently are the words of Jesus "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? " and Solomon "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven". Sea lo que sea, por algo será.

what is good

I just wanted to say that what is good about living with others is that sometimes it is not as easy as living alone. It can be so much more convenient to live alone. Seriously. At the same time, what is good about living with others is that it is better than living alone. Living with others gives you many more reasons to celebrate, especially when you are able to work through the not easy parts, the result is something worth celebrating.