it's been a while

It's been a while since I've come around here to write about what's going on in my life.  This week was a great week.  I had my last day of work on Tuesday and have been running errands and enjoying my freedom ever since.  

This past year has been an interesting one at work.  I have confirmed a few things: I like to teach and I have a lot to learn still.  I am looking forward to next year working at a new school.  I am going to teach 4th grade and do the International Teaching Certificate at the same time.  It will be a lot of work but, I think that it is the perfect time to do it.  I hope that the work I have to do for the certificate program really complements my teaching.

During this break I want to write, run, play, and read... Ariel and I want to go to Boquete and the Volcan and at the end of the summer enjoy the visit of a couple friends and do some touristy stuff with them.

There will be more to tell but, for now that is going to be it.

love wins?

So, in the past few days I've been reading a lot about this new book that Rob Bell is going to publish called "Love Wins" and it's interesting because a lot of people are very upset that its message is going to be completely universalist.  The truth is that it may be and yet, at the same time what he has to say in the video that is a type of preview for the book rings true in a certain way.  I will be curious to read the book and see what he really has to say.  I'm not convinced one way or another.

LOVE WINS. from Rob Bell on Vimeo.

The fact is that in the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about censorship and it's implications for politics and religion.  Then, this week, I've found myself considering two possible examples of both.  The issue of political sensorship is one that I'm thinking about because of the situation with a Spanish reporter that got deported today from Panama and the only reason that I can think of for them to do that is to try to get him to be quiet.  They have been trying to get rid of him for ages because they are afraid of the way that he makes people think.

Then, there's the issue of Rob Bell and the reaction that makes it seem like possibly what he has to say is so bad that you shouldn't read it because something bad might happen to you or the people around you.  I would like to read it for myself and see what he has to say.  I always feel nervous whe people want to stop people from talking.  It is true that ideas have implications and for that very reason I don't think that anyone should be given the freedom to arbitarily stop someone from sharing their ideas.

attack on freedom of expression

Panama is going through some strange times.  For the past couple of weeks there have been some pretty heavy protests about mountain top mining being approved in some of the indigenous regions of the country.  There are a lot of people quite upset about the decision and a lot of people have shown their concern.

This past weekend a journalist and Human Rights worker, Paco Gomez Nadal, was arrested at one of these protests and today he was deported to Spain.  It is amazing, this government has had it in for him ever since they came into power.  He is the kind of person who was not afraid to be critical of the government and by doing so he earned their disfavor and ultimately they've deported him.  This is a bad sign.  The government is afraid of criticism and the freedom of press is in serious danger.

It's sad and it's going to be very interesting to see what happens in Panama in the next few months.

Worry

One thing that is interesting about being a teacher is how your work follows you everywhere you go.  You go home and you still have to plan or grade work.  You leave after a hard day and you cannot help but think about your students from time to time.  I went out with Ariel this weekend and saw one of my students who was out with his family.  It is just interesting because it is good, there is something very good about being involved in the lives of other people in such a way that you do not leave them and yet, there is something good about being able to disconnect from you work and just relax and be yourself.  I want to be better at doing that.  I spend too much time worrying about things.  That is something I want to focus on.

I've been thinking about this worry and anxiety that keeps me up at night.  I think it has something to do with not being able to say "no" very well.  I need to say "no" to some of my thoughts and I need to say "no" to some people in my life who have some very specific expectations for me.  I'm sure that it would be easier if I could just say no and not be so worried about what these other people were thinking.  I guess I need to have some dignity, that is what I need to make sure of.  I'm often too afraid of offending people.  It's something I need to work on.  I shouldn't be laying awake at night, it's not healthy. 

It's December!

It has been a rainy December so far.  Aside from the mud in the driveway, I LOVE IT.  The rain is fantastic.  Especially because every day there is a little break when we see the sun and then it starts to rain again.  Everything is nice and cool, chilly almost.  So nice for snuggling and drinking tea.  It's December!  

I think I'm more excited about my birthday this year because I get to spend it with Ariel.  I'm also looking forward to Christmas... 

Writing and friendship

I've had lots of ideas in the past week of things that I wanted to write on my blog.  Ariel and I have been doing a lot of writing recently and it feels great!!  Slowly (or quickly, depending on how you look at it) we're doing things we've been looking forward to doing for a long time.  We became writers for Global Voices and the official blog for the Literary Workshops that we're a part of in one week!!  That was pretty exciting.

This week I got to spend some time with Janice and that was really great as well.  It's been a while since we'd spent any time together and it was good because I was reminded that I have a girl-friend here in Panama that knows me well, that's always an important thing to have and really, in spite of the distance and time, we haven't really grown apart, I think that we've grown closer in our way of seeing the world, which makes it all that much better!

The other day I discovered a really interesting theology blog and he was talking about John 15.12-15:

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

In his article he was reflecting on the fact that Jesus talked more about being friends than being family.  Which might be an important thing to keep in mind since, often we treat our friends better than we treat our family.  We choose our friends and even if we feel super comfortable with them, we don't take them for granted the way that we do with our families sometimes.  I thought it was a very interesting thought and it made me feel very happy that Ariel and I are friends first and then we get to be family after that!

November 3: Separation from Colombia

Little kids in a parade...

Today is a national holiday and the begining of my longest break since the begining of school. I have to say that I'm tired and it is much needed.  

Today Panama celebrates it's separation from Columbia November 3, 1903.  I've had to teach and re-teach the story to my students in the past couple of days so, I'm becoming re-acquainted with my country's history.  For some reason I need to be around these things for it to stick in my memory.  Teaching it is great because I've been reminded of some of the little details of how it all played out.

Ariel is leading a youth activity right now so, I'm doing a little bit of cleaning and will do a bit of writing (my novel, hehe) and hopefully some reading.  It's so nice to have some time to rest, I feel very thankful right now.

just another Sunday

Last week felt like a very long week.  School seemed to just drag on and on.  I'm very happy for November and our all of the days off we get for Flag Day, Independence from Spain, Separation from Colombia, etc. etc.  I need a different pace to get excited about work again.  I also have a book or two that I'm working on that I really just want to get into and enjoy for a longer un-interrupted period of time--oh!  and I'm going to participate in NaNoWriMo and try to write a novel on a month... crazy, but it should be fun.

The past few days it has been raining like crazy but, that means that it's nice and not too hot outside.  Yesterday, we went to our literary workshop and it was great.  It's fun because one of my friends from my childhood is also going to the workshop.  I like that.  Yesterday it was funny because Ariel and I had a conversation in the morning that turned out to be part of what the speaker was going to talk about...we feel like we have our own pre-workshop before the official workshop.

I'm busy with teaching but, Ariel and I are also enjoying looking for opportunities to continue writing more, so that it will be more of a habit and potentially something that one of us could do more formally sometime.  

Enjoying it in the midst of it

This was a hard week for me at school.  One of my co-workers was gone because her father passed away so, I had to try to help the substitute (who was amazing, by the way) and then, there was a situation with a family that I had to help with and it took so much emotional energy that I couldn't sleep.  I was so worried about the situation that I was awake almost all night long.  The next day, I was exhausted.  By Saturday, I was very tired.

Even so, Ariel and I got up early and headed to our Literary Workshops.  We had both done our homework.  We wrote a character sketch and came up with a "challenge" for our character.  We enjoyed the workshop, even though there was this one participant who couldn't stop talking.  That was a really fun time.  When it was done we headed back across town.  On days like that we both wish that we lived closer to the center of the city.  

Today is our 3 month-aversery so, yesterday we went and ate at a favorite restaurant to celebrate.  After eating we headed home.  I was exhausted and fell asleep.  It felt like such a waste of a beautiful day but, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.  We went to the grocery store to pick up a couple things we needed for dinner.  Then we ate pancakes and I tried to get some work done for school this next week.  Planning is like a second full time job.  This is our last full week before we start to have days off left and right in November.  

I was thinking a few days ago about how this is one of those seasons that even though I'm tired a lot, I feel like I'm enjoying it while I'm in the midst of it.  Sometimes, it seems that I only realize how fun or special a season of my life was when it was all over.  

Talleres Literarios

If you spend very much time with Ariel or with me you'll find out that we love to read and write.  Ever since I graduated from college I've had a lot of "I wish I had studied English" thoughts because there were so many literature and writing classes that I would have loved to take.  No, I don't regret what I studied, it was perfect for me at the time but, ever since then I've been a sponge for literature and writing.  Ariel and I both hope for formal opportunities to study in order to improve our skills and open up opportunities to teach and share our love for words and ideas.

So, when we got the news about the Talleres Literarios en Panama, we were ecstatic.  We had heard about these Literary Workshops over a year ago and were waiting anxiously for more information, when a couple weeks ago we finally got news that they were accepting applications for the Talleres Literarios en Panamá.  These are going to be a year of weekend classes taught by Panamanian, Latin American, and Spanish professors and writers.They will do a survey of Spanish-American literature and provide writing workshop in poetry and prose. It's fantastic.

It's being sponsored by the Spanish Agency for International Cooperation and Development.  This sponsorship makes the program very formal.  Three Panamanian universities and the National Institute for Culture are also involved, all these institutions make it a potentially fantastic place to grow and learn about other opportunities.  One of the goals of the Spanish partners in the program is to present the participants with opportunities to study in Spain and hopefully remain involved in promoting literature and writing after the program is over (that is something that interests Ariel and me very, very much).

Something that makes it even better is that the coursework follows the literature content that I'm supposed to be teaching to my 9th graders.  This makes it a perfect way for me to be better prepared as I teach my students.  I'm really excited about starting this tomorrow afternoon!

familiar faces

Yesterday, I was sitting in our Wednesday afternoon meeting when the person facilitating the meeting put on a short video to try to illustrate a point about "worldview". I was watching the video when suddenly a familiar face showed up on the screen. It was Os Guinness. 

I don’t know if you’ve ever had that feeling of being somewhere new where you don’t know anyone and suddenly, you see someone you know. It is such a delightful feeling. You might to believe this but, my eyes filled up with tears as if I had just been joined by a dear friend in a strange place. 

I looked around the room and wondered why I felt that way and I thought about the fact that I’ve shared more meals with Os than I have with any of my co-workers. I’ve had more challenging conversations with Os than with any of my co-workers. It seems so odd and yet so natural, to feel a missing pang for someone like Os Guinness. 

It made me feel a bit nostalgic but, mostly thankful. The truth is that last night I was thinking about the fact that even though I eventually I might miss the intellectual part of Washington a bit, I really feel much more useful here in Panama. It’s nice to be surrounded by people like that but, it feels much more useful to be in a place where teaching people to think is needed.

study club

Today, I started something new.  I am an official “Study Club” teacher on Tuesday’s after school.  The fact is that it is a great way to earn a little extra money.  I was thinking about the fact that I like teaching, I love students but, I don’t just stick around for an extra hour or two for fun.  

You really do have to pay people to do that kind of thing; it’s not something that is really born out of the kindness of your heart –as much as you may love it.  Arriving home two hours later than usual once a week will be worth it in the long run.  Plus, it’s only once a week when Ariel has to teach a class anyway, that means that he isn’t done with that until I’ll be getting home anyway, so it actually works out really well.  

I hope that it turns out to be a good choice and helpful in the long run for my students and for Ariel and me.

the license saga

So, I'm trying to get my oficial Panamanian driver's license and you would think that I'd be able to do it quickly since it's just a matter of transfering my US license to Panama.  But, you're wrong and so was I.  The funny thing is that I haven't even been able to get my papers in.  

First, I had to take my license to the US Embassy to get it authenticated by the Consul.  That was one day.  Then, I had to take it (and when I say I, Ariel did this) to the Ministry of Foreign Relations to get the Consul's signature authenticated.  That took a couple days because the office of authentications is not at the main building of Foreign Relations (something that we didn't know at first).  Anyway, after we got all of that figured out... we had to make sure I got a lab test to prove my blood type since it isn't marked on my driver's license.

I went to this random lab and had that done.  Perfect.  Now I should have everything I need, right?  Right.  Well, this week I went three times to hand in my paperwork at the  DTT, the Panamanian DMV.  The first time I found it (I hadn't been there before) and then when I was standing in line I realized that I had left my blood type paper.  So, I walked out before even going up to the counter.  The second time, I realized that I had left the blood type paper before leaving home, so I was going to go and turned around before I even got to the DTT.  

On the way home, I was stopped for the first time since I started driving in Panama at a checkpoint by a police officer who was looking for foreigners (they like doing that in that part of town, but that's another story).  Thankfully, I have a Panamanian ID and he didn't ask me why I hadn't gotten my local license yet... it was another reminder, however, that I should try to get that paper work done.

Yesterday, I finally made it with all of my paperwork.  I stood in line and as I was waiting I picked up one of the informational brochures.  I was reading it when I saw the asterisk next to the point about getting your blood type tested.  It said, "You must do this at qualified laboratories approved by the DTT."  My heart started beating when I realized that maybe this wasn't going to be the time I'd get to hand in my papers.  I waited until got to the counter and the laidy looked at my documents and checked the clinic that I did my lab work in her database and said, "That's not an approved clinic."  So, my heart was beating quickly out of frustration and I walked out wondering why it has to be so complicated to be grown up and do paperwork.

Anyway, the saga continues but hopefully I can get that done so that I can spend my time on other things...

Are you ok?

So, today I was driving back from work and my car overheated again.  It's the second time that this happens while I've been alone.  It's the second time that I've had some people come over to help.  The truth is that there are scary people all over the world but, there are also a lot of people who are just willing to help if you need it.  I'm not saying that being a young woman doesn't help my odds on both sides (the good and the bad) but, my car overheating has done something good to redeem my view of the human race.  Both times, I've had some helpful man or two stop to help me out.  Both times they were men who were either on their way to work or were at work.

Today, I had to pull over to let my car cool down on what is equivalent to a freeway in the States.  People drive by at high speeds and it's kind of precarious.  It just so happened that I had just driven by some workers who were fixing something on the road and I hadn't been out of the car for a minute when one of them came over to ask me what had happened to my car.  I told him that the car had overheated and he immediately asked one of his co-workers to go get a bucket of water (which I wouldn't have been able to do on that free-wayish road) because my little bottle of water wasn't going to be enough to cool down my car.

The fact is that the amount of steam that came out of my car was impresive, I just hope that it didn't cause any permanent damage.  I'm wondering if I have some sort of leak because it seems like the coolant is just dripping out too quickly.  Anyway, that's not the point.  The point is that the three workers stayed with me untill we'd gotten the temperature down, they gave me their advice, and I was back on the road.  It didn't overheat again on the rest of the commute home.

I think that even though my car situation is a bit of a concern, the positive thing is that there are a lot of kind strangers out there willing to help you out if you're in a tight spot without asking you for anything.  That's the bright side of this whole thing, I was in need of some positive interactions with strangers.

"the rest of your day is in Spanish"

A couple days ago I was leaving work and one of my favorite co-workers stopped and said, "So...the rest of your day is in Spanish."  I thought this was funny since I am the Spanish teacher here... the fact is that almost all of my day is in Spanish.  It's been interesting to be the Spanish teacher here.  The fact is that teaching turns you into a pretty good student.  I hope my students are also learning. 

The school has a pretty tight nit community.  The fact is that most of the people that work here have some other type of connection to each other or the school (they have a child who is a student or they go to the Church where the school is located).  This makes it much harder to enter into the community.  I also am a teacher who goes in and out of classrooms so, I'm not quite as close to any particular group of students or to a team of teachers.  My Spanish team is kind of random.  To be honest, sometimes I feel like I am the department psychologist.  I do a lot of listening to other people's complaints.  

Anyway, I have decided that I want to do some more writing.  I'm going to try to write something everyday in the month of October either on this blog or on the Contrapunto blog in Spanish.  I think that the only way to get into the habit of writing more is forcing yourself to do it.

I love the rain.

So, last week was a bit crazy because our car wasn't working properly.  The radiator was overheating.  At one point, we were driving on the highway in pouring rain and the car decided to overheat so, we had to pull over to the side of the road and wait in the rain as cars and trucks drove by us.  It was pretty crazy.

You know?  I love the rain here in Panama.  The truth is that it's felt almost chilly in the evenings for the past week or so.  There's been a lot of rain and when you have a car, it's really nice.  It's the kind of rain that falls so hard that you can't see in front of you.  I love it when I'm at home and can snuggle in bed but...when you have to ride the bus here it's absolutely awful.  Most of the buses here have no air conditioning so, when it starts to rain the windows go up and the bus gets all steamy, hot, and smelly.  You can imagine...

This past weekend we didn't get to go see STOMP (it had sold out), so we went to eat some good food at the end of the Causway.  First we drank coffee (Ariel had coffee, I had tea) and read a while.  Then we went to eat lunch (the restaurant we were going to go to was closed because of the Jewish holiday.)   The location was beautiful, there was a fantastic breeze and we sat where there was a view of the city and the canal.  (We could have asked for a bit more regarding the food but, it's ok.)  Otherwise... it was just gorgeous.  It's nice to spend some time just enjoying being together in a lovely place.

That reminds me --this past weekend was a Jewish holiday and in Panama, half of the businesses close down for the weekend when it's a Jewish holiday.  It's crazy but, it's so interesting as well.  Ariel and I counted businesses, at least half of the shops and stores at the mall were closed.  Panama also closes down on Muslim holidays and Christian holidays.   Panama is such an interesting place.

the kitchen counter

Well, our kitchen isn't done yet.  We have a kitchen counter but, we don't have a sink.  So, we use the pila in the back to do the dishes and get water.  It's kind of an inconvenient arrangement but, we've made it work for the past couple of weeks.  I'll be doing a LOT more cooking once we have the kitchen all fixed up again.  I miss cooking.

Our car --we've named him Sucio-- has been having a bit of a fever for the past three or four days.  The doctor has been trying to fix him up but, it seems that once we fix one thing something else comes up.  If he doesn't have a fever he has the hiccups, etc.  Hopefully he will get fixed up soon.  I'm afraid that I might have to take public transportation to work on Monday...

I'm still waiting to get our dresser and bookshelf  It'll be an exciting day once we have them... you know how much I like to be organized.

One month...

As of last Tuesday, I've been married for a month.  It has been a busy, exhausting month but, when I think about all of the things thay we've done this month I think that getting married and living in Panama are two wonderful choices I've made in life.

Let me see, in the month of August I started teaching Spanish to 4th, 5th, 7th and 9th graders at an international school here in Panama city (less than two weeks after getting married).  I've partially moved twice this month and this week will move (hopefully for the last time) into a more permanent house.  It should be a great place to live.  I've also purchased a car and started driving in Panama city.

If you've never been to Panama you will not be able to grasp the significance of some of those acomplishments.  Driving in Panama city is one of the scariest things I've ever tried to do, I have to admit that I feel quite proud of myself for even being willing to try.  It also opens up the possibility to do a lot of things that are just impractical without a car.  We even discovered a fantastic coffee shop relatively close to my work, a great place to meet up, chat and read a book.

I've started teaching and that is a responsibility that I love.  I am thrilled to be a teacher.  This week something very exciting happened.  The International Book Fair of Panama.  Ariel and I were in heaven there.  The greatest thing that we discovered was a new literary non-ficcion journal that is starting up.  It is called El Guayacan.  I'm super excited to see something like that happening here in Panama.  I want to figure out how to be a part of something like that.

I am excited about what is happening in Panama culturally and I'm excited to maybe get to be a part of it!

Married!

I have been married for one week, today.  It is wonderful to get to be in the same space as Ariel, to get to make our meals together, to talk, to read, and just be in the same physical space.  It is something both of us have longed for and it is so good to finally be together. 

All of the preparations before the wedding were a bit exhausting (to say the least) but, the wedding was just as I imagined it.  I had told Ariel that I imagined a wedding that started three days before,with friends meeting each other for the first time, just being together... it was amazing to have so many people from so many different parts of my life all together in the same place. 

The wedding day was also what I wanted.  As far as I know, nothing major went wrong.  There were things that we had talked about doing that we didn't do but, the most important things were in place and the ceremony was simple and meaningful, just as we hoped it would be.  It was so good to be able to stand there, looking at Ariel, smiling, and then be able to glance over and see so many people who've walked part of the journey with me at some point in my life.  It was beautiful.

We had great food and a good time just hanging out with everyone who came during the reception.  It felt just like it ought to, celebrating our love, and sharing it with the people who've loved and supported us along the way.  It was perfect. 

a new chapter begins

Yesterday, I traveled from Washington, DC to Panama City.  It was an uneventful trip.  I caught my flight on time (I wasn't charged for my two checked bags), made the connection in Miami, and arrived to a lovely afternoon in Panama.  Given the 103º in DC, Panama was cool in comparison.

I feel happy and right now, I am just enjoying being back in Panama with Ariel.  It was just good to be able to look at each other and be able to be in the same physical space.  It's a strange and beautiful thing to be in love.  Today, we started the process to get our marriage license.  The woman who attended us was so excited about us, it was fun.  I think both of us are so thrilled that we will be married so soon.