Communité

The word "community" is derived from the Old French communité which is derived from the Latin communitas (cum, "with/together" + munus, "gift"), a broad term for fellowship or organized society.

Once again I am plagued with the fear that I have failed to live up to these things which I claim to believe.  Principally, that "community" is something deeply, deeply important. I know I believe this but, I am afraid that I feel at a loss as to what my place ought to be in community.

I'm thinking that I like the origin of the word because I think that community really is a gift.  A gift that ought not be taken without deep gratitude.  Nevertheless, I still wonder.  Am I living generously and gratefully towards and for my community?  Or am I holding back?

I wonder sometimes how deep the community bonds are.  I'm afraid of not being missed because somehow I didn't live grateful for what I was given.  It is so selfish to want to be missed so, perhaps that ought to be the lesson I learn.

However, I do wonder if I have given what I could and if I have invited people into welcoming hospitality as often as I should.  I'm afraid of failing to be a good friend.  I think that is one of my biggest fears.

thoughts on ash wednesday

"Yet even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
and rend your hearts and not your garments."
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.”
Joel 2:12-13  

Today is Ash Wednesday. In the liturgical tradition it is the beginning of the season of Lent. I was just reminded by a friend on the Christian journey that 

“Lent is an ancient Christian tradition that began as a way for Christians to join with new converts as they prepared to be baptized at Easter. It was a time for new converts / baptismal candidates to reflect on their need for Christ and walk in repentance, and the larger community of Christians would join them in this. To help in this, Christians have historically embraced some sort of fast – as a way of tangibly pulling one’s life (heart, thoughts, habits) into the way of self-denial and repentance. These are not simply initiation rites, but are essential daily practices in a life lived with God.”

I chose not to go to the Ash Wednesday service tonight because I wanted to make sure that I actually took the time to reflect on the meaning of this season and where I should examine my own heart. Why do people think of it as just a time to fast from something? Is that what it’s really about? I don’t think that it’s about fasting but, about seeking to give ourselves over to knowing God in a more intentional way. God is not any more available during this time than He is at any other time of the year. We are the ones that need markers in our lives, on our calendars to remind us that we have a lot more to receive that we’ve been aware of. 

I wonder how I can seek to know God more and see what He is doing around me so that I can join with him. I think that anything that allows me to love others well is important, which means I need to rest more and reflect more. Remembering that I need rest but that healing happens within community. Christ is found in the body of Christ. If I want to know Him more, I need to learn to enter into community as well. I need to “fast” from those things that lead me to fatigue instead of enthusiasm for loving and participating in relationship with others.

what makes it worthwhile?

Last night some of my friends help put together a fantastic BBQ dinner at a local homeless shelter. It was a lot of work but, I think the guys at the shelter really appreciated it and were thankful.

Afterwards, one of my friends felt the let down that you get after you do something good for people who may or may not ever escape the trap of drugs, alcohol, and poverty. She wondered if there had been any real interactions and if just "hanging out" in that setting does any good at all. In some ways, I wish that mere acts of kindness would help people out of poverty but, unfortunately it doesn't work that way. That does not make the acts of kindness any less significant.

Even so, I think that the question, "What is the good of this?" is worth asking. I mean, seriously. If our intention was to help these guys, we probably didn't do much more than give them a really delicious meal. But, maybe that is enough. We don't have to fix their situation. Maybe our willingness to be present is good enough.

Isn't that [almost] all we want anyway? As I listened to my friend's discouragement --I realized that I felt the same way a week or so ago after we had a big party at our house. We had a good time, we shared good food, and had good people over but, afterwards, I felt a similar let down. I wondered what the good of that type of interaction is, I felt like all my conversations had been short and superficial, so, ok --yeah, we had a good time, but what is the value of that?

Maybe it is the same. We want people to be present in our lives. Sharing food and time is valuable. We can always work towards more meaningful interactions with people and towards more intentional conversations. What is it that makes an activity worthwhile? Is it something we can measure?

deeply intentional life together

I have had so many things going on in my heart and life right now. Everything from realizing how much I love being part of a community of hospitality, enjoying my parents, sunny days and hammocks, evenings with good music and friends, reflecting on changes in the past 10 years of my life, enjoying worshiping with other Christians, celebrating birthdays with good friends and other simply good things.

I am figuring out and stumbling through 'life together', figuring out how to 'be' here and love people deeply elsewhere. I'm also struggling to embrace my limits, my emotional and physical limits. I have been deeply challenged by the Christian community I'm a part of here. I have been thinking about Mission, Community, Discipleship, and the Gospel. Two of my friends have participated in the meetings where the messages about those ideas were shared recently. I have been listening to the messages and have been talking to them about those ideas.

worries and blessings

I've been a little more worried than usual in the past couple of days about what is going to happen to me next year. I know that I shouldn't worry. I know that God is good and will provide for me.

I also know that in spite of my worries I am so blessed. I live with wonderful girls. I am in an interesting city and am part of a really good community. I am really happy right now, in spite of my worries.

We loose sight of so many things when we worry. We miss out on the good things in life. So, I'm trying not to worry. With that thought, I think there were times during college that I missed out on some fun because I was worried about stuff.

One thing I will never regret is the time that I spent in the downtown East Side of Vancouver. I just found this video made by my university featuring one of the coolest profs at my school and the East Side. I have MUCH to be thankful for.

Now... for a quiet evening

Recently, a friend has chosen silence over the inane communication that can occur through mediums like this one. Sometimes, that sounds so appealing and yet, at the same time, I know that this medium provides the comfort of communication for certain people that I think is important. Just a little glimpse into your thoughts and your world --by email perhaps-- helps remind me of why we are friends, that we care about each other even though we are far away, and many other little things.

I realize that this is in no way a replacement of 'real' relationships but, it is a way to remind those that are far away that we are continuing to grow, think, and love. Nothing personal enough to replace the real thing but, something particularly unique to remind us of how great it is to share life with others.

I got to enjoy "sharing life with others" today. After the great fun of my Portuguese class yesterday and meeting up with new and old friends at Church. This morning we --at the yellow house-- got to host so many good friends for a mid-morning brunch. It was great! Everyone brought such good things and it was fun to have our house filled with friends, conversation, food, and music. All five of us love having people over, hospitality is such a great way to express love for others.

After the wonderful brunch, I got to go over to a soccer field to play a little of 4 on 4 soccer. It was so good! I hadn't played soccer in months! I don't know if I can describe how good it was to get out, to run around, to kick the ball around... ah. So good. I would play soccer every week if I had the opportunity. It is so much fun and it just feels so good to play outside. It was a little bit chilly, it even started to snow for a few minutes while we were out there. But, we all had a blast.

Now for a quiet evening... lovely.

Sushi Anyone?

Israel and I had talked about making and eating sushi the whole time I was in El Salvador. The unbelievable part was that we didn't eat any together until the day before I left. So, to make up for the three months of not eating sushi together we went out in style and had more sushi than either one of us could eat in one sitting (even though we did pretty good, I'll have to admit). I don't know if I can quite describe how much I'm going to miss Israel.

Isra and I finally enjoying some sushi together.




Eduardo doesn't like sushi but, he enjoyed himself anyway.

The Gift of Giving Thanks

Yesterday morning as I was walking to work I got off the bus and walked down the street towards work. I crossed the street next to the odd fountain and on the other side of that street where I pass every morning there is a guy who is in a wheelchair who sells necklaces, bracelets and things that he makes. I see him every morning as I walk to work. I say "buenos días" and he responds in the friendliest way "buenos días".

(You see, as a young foreign looking girl I often get some unwanted attention, "hellos" that are a little bit less than agreeable. I've become quite aware of the difference between a sincere "hello" and one that is suspicious.)

Anyway, my friend in the wheelchair always says good morning in a pleasant way. It is, in some ways, my favorite part of every morning. It's just one of those "kindness of strangers" moments that makes life really special. I have walked by for weeks thinking, I'm going to stop and buy something from him before I leave. Well, yesterday, as I was walking by I glanced at him and said good morning and he reached out his hand to give me something. I stopped and he had a necklace in his hand.

He said, "Take it" and I was surprised and said, "Oh No" thinking "You don't have to give me anything" and he gave me a disappointed look and said, "You're not going to accept it?" I asked him if it was a gift and he said, "Of course, its for you to wear!" I took it into my hand and said, "Thank you, that is so nice!" and walked away with a huge smile on my face. That little exchange made my day! I have smiled every time I've thought about it since then.
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This week was Thanksgiving and I was blessed to spend it with my family the Flores and the Quezadas who have become my family here as well. We went to an amazing thanksgiving dinner with a group of people made up mostly of Portuguese students and Peace Corps directors and volunteers. It was really cool. I enjoyed the conversation with the other volunteers and hearing all of their Thanksgiving stories.

I laughed quite a bit especially at the stories of one of the girls who grew up in one of those large families that always seem to have crazy stories. I am thankful for moments with strangers that fill your life and remind you that it is those little things that give us reasons to smile. Like stories shared with strangers around a Thanksgiving table and like my friend in the wheelchair giving me a gift before I had the chance to purchase it from him. I was thankful for both of those things, what a gift to be able to give thanks.

Santa Rosa de Copan

Eunice, Hannah, Carlita, and Eunice

Orlando & Teresita and Nancy & John

On Friday we drove to Santa Rosa de Copan where we spent the night with the Aritas. I cannot tell you what kind and generous people they are. Orlando has a coffee plantation where he grows and toasts his own coffee. He drinks more coffee than anyone I know! I enjoyed an evening of great fun (and little sleep, as always) with the two Eunices and Carlita.

people, people, people

I've spent the last few evenings in good company and yet in very different settings. On Wednesday I got to go to a major league baseball game for the second time in my life. It was the Washington Nationals vs the Philadelphia Phillies. I might not need to say it but, for those who haven't been following baseball recently --the Phillies won. The best part of the game were the people who I got to go with. The people who have made being 'all here while I'm here' fun and encouraging.

The following night was also a great time because of the people but it was an entirely different setting. I went to Evermay for an intimate evening talking about books and other things. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed in that type of setting and yet I also feel strangely welcomed into the Trinity Forum community.

Friday night, I got to join a really amazing group of girls for a relaxing girl's night. Talking, eating, playing games, it was a refreshing evening. The following night, I gathered together with my TFA friends and my dinner group from Easton. They drove all the way out to DC to have dinner with us! What a time! There was something that felt more relaxed than usual about that evening as well.

Then Sunday night, I got together with all my new but precious friends from Church of the Advent. More talking than I was ready for (I was wanting to play some frisbee) but, it was another affirming time with people who I want to continue knowing.

talking about a visit to Idaho

Well, this will probably be a chatty post about my visit to Idaho. All has gone well. I arrived Friday night and was ready and there for my friends wedding on Saturday evening. It went perfectly [a little long, heh heh]. No, seriously, it was lovely. You know how weddings are and you never really get to talk to your friend who is getting married so, you end up catching up with everyone else who is there that you haven't seen in ages.

Sunday, a great day to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a while, hang out with my aunts, and pick up my cousins flying in from California. Monday was a quiet day together going out in the evening to visit family friends. Tuesday we decided to drive down to Rupert to visit my great-aunt and uncle. It was a good time. I stayed up late talking with my cousins.

Today, I had a lovely brunch with one of my friends and her mom. We got to talk about life and what we're hoping for and celebrating... it was nice. I spent the afternoon with my other great-uncle. I don't know if other people are as connected to their great-aunts and uncles and we are but, I think it's great to hang out with them and hear their stories.

I have many thoughts on church, politics, military, friendship, hospitality, and faith since I've been here. I may post some of them and I may just wait to talk about them with you in person if you're interested.

we have to work around our imperfections to feel welcomed

Last night, I went to the first "party" with my friends since I left the Eastern shore. I haven't changed, I have such a paradoxical response to events like the one they hosted last night. I cannot figure out if I dislike them more deeply than I enjoy them. What usually happens is that I arrive and am momentarily over-stimulated by all the people, then I notice that there is someone new or someone alone or worse than that the people that didn't know each other when they arrived, still don't know each other when they leave.

So, I spend most of my time meeting new people, enjoying surprisingly candid conversations with strangers and looking around for the most auspicious moment either to welcome the new people or to leave. I could point out how much I love people and find that honest, sincere, frank conversations --even though they may be rare-- are absolutely precious when you have them. But, I could also confess that my stomach turns over when I wonder if everyone felt welcomed, genuinely.

It helps to remember that we are just imperfect people trying to learn how to live life in common with others in a way that is good. The imperfection of the party is due to the fact that all of us are trying to work around our fears, flaws, and foibles. Those minor weakness or failings of character actually make us distinctive and particular, like the shy one or the slightly overly rambunctious one, etc. and that reminds us that it is beautiful in spite of its flaws. Hopefully, acknowledging our irritations, idiosyncrasies, and insecurities will be a way to more honest appreciation of this face of hospitality.

I think I'd still prefer the intimate "family" dinner... most of the time.