Last night was the first night that I have spent alone in at least a year. It goes without saying that it is a strange experience. [Maybe it explains the sudden urge to write down what I'm thinking since I have no one to "be" with and just share it spontaneously as it comes to me.] There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Right now I am alone, in the kind of precious "solitude" type of way that I so deeply love. If it goes on too long I might start to feel lonely and I'm not sure how long it will take for me to get that stomach wrenching feeling of loneliness. Actually, I hope it doesn't come.
I've always been fascinated with being alone and solitude. Being able to embrace solitude and it's richness for self-reflection and mediation has been a goal of mine. It gives depth to relationships when you take time to reflect on what is happening in your life, at least I think so. How to find the correct balance between time apart and time together is what is so delicate and requires constant attention and reevaluation. This time alone is time for that, reevaluation and self-reflection. Hopefully, all the meditation will ultimately lead to a more open spirit of welcome to those who I am privileged to encounter when I'm not alone.
*norah jones, not too late