Friday, March 8, 2013

This feeting moment

Do you ever long to have someone to talk to?  Not complain, not vent, just talk?  When I got home from work this evening, I sat down on the steps next to my bookshelf with Jolie sitting next to me and noticed the books on the shelf.  Some Camus, Bonhoeffer, and several other philosophically inclined writers and theologians.  I miss having people around me that motivate me to read and discuss these types of things.  I miss conversations that take me outside of the mundane and direct my thoughts towards things that are more transcendental, maybe even eternal.

Here is the thing, I want to be happy and thankful.  I know I am blessed in so many ways, and I never want to loose sight of that truth.  My life, in general, feels pretty consistent with my core beliefs.  There are still many goals and dreams to be achieved, but there are many things that seem right.  I want to live a life in which generosity and solidarity with those who need most is a possibility--and in some small ways that is a reality in my life. That is an amazing gift.

Nevertheless, right now, I feel surrounded by negativity and short sightedness.  Short term challenges become overwhelming obstacles, and possible long-term solutions get blocked by a negativity that is permeating my environment.  I am afraid that I am falling into the trap, I am also complaining, I am also part of the problem.  It feels like the problems are bigger than me, and I'm afraid of what will happen if they don't get addressed or fixed, however I am also afraid of speaking to those who are supposed to support me in these challenges because I have lost faith in my leaders somehow.

I want to regain perspective, think about those things that transcend this fleeting moment and complete my work, my duty, with a cheerful heart.  Trust in those people who I have trusted in the past, and do my best in all things at all times, without loosing hope and without giving up on dreams and goals that sustain me through the mundane moments.  Do you ever just want to talk about things that have meaning? Well, I'm just going to share this, and try to leave it here.  The conversations may come, perspective might be right around the corner. 

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live the questions now... R.M. Rilke