Art in Common Spaces

being homesick

Last night I was having a difficult time falling asleep. I was tired but, I didn't want to go to bed. I sat there trying to figure out what was bothering me. I started thinking about all the complicated things that could be keeping me awake. I even tried to let those things be the things that were keeping me awake but, my mind couldn't even stay focused on the things that could be worrying me.

I started reading a book which is usually my favorite refuge when I cannot sleep but, then I realized what was keeping me awake. I started thinking about all the conversations that I've had in the past three weeks where people have told me, "I'm going home." or "I miss home, I think I should go home soon," or "I'm going to go visit my best friend in [x country or state]." and I felt stuck.

It is not that I don't want to live in one place. It's not even that I'm not happy to be here right now but, it's the sensation that I cannot [or should not] leave [even for a visit] if I wanted to that I don't like. I hate that feeling. Especially when I'm surrounded by lucky people who don't feel stuck in the same way. I would love to take that ticket to Panama or California. I miss my Grandma and my best friend in London. I wish I could go to Japan and visit some people I know in Africa [etc.].

I think that coveting other people's ability to travel is so awful but I guess it's probably my most frequent sin. It makes me feel sad and loose sight of the overwhelming contentment that I am experiencing right now, here, not elsewhere. It also keeps me up at night when I let myself think about what I "really want".

siempre dejas vivo lo que debió morir ayer

I'm having a good weekend. We had a fantastic house-warming/blessing party on Friday night. I spent all of Saturday here at the house, reading, resting, enjoying the girls that I live with. Last night we watched a movie together. This morning I got to go to my Portuguese class and this evening I'm going to Church... it is lovely outside, it really is.

thursday

Sometimes there isn't anything too special about Thursdays. I felt really strange yesterday. I think I was in need of some space from the intense conversations that I had had the day before. I was thinking about how nice it would be to to just be able to travel somewhere. I haven't even been back for a whole 3 months! Actually, I'm super happy to be here and am not anxious to leave any time soon. Just to go visit another place would be nice, just a visit.

I feel like there is a lot going on in my mind right now. Slow down.

Take a deep breath.

Smile.

It is a good day.

Vote for the GLN!

I've been enjoying the Global Language Network and think that if they have a chance to win a contest to help fund the organization, that would be fantastic! You should all go vote for them on ideablob.com!

"Less than 5% of the world is born speaking English and yet only 9% of Americans can speak a foreign language. There is a clear need for GLN. We help individuals establish a GLN Chapter so that thousands of community members can get involved in organizing, teaching, and participating in classes in any language. Our partnerships with the World Bank, 6 major universities, foreign embassies, and a handful of companies are proof of our commitment to involving the community in our path to change. We engage our members to be Ambassadors for Social Change so that they can use the language, teaching, professional and social skills they gain from GLN towards making a positive impact in the community."

morning prayers

Life be in my speech
Truth in what I say.
The love Christ Jesus gave
Be filling every heart for me.
The love Christ Jesus gave
Be filling me for everyone.
Amen

long conversations

Today I had two good, long conversations.

I have changed a lot in the past few months.

Wow.

I like where I live right now, even with it's flaws.
I get to share life with a special community of people.

Advent Retreat 2009

Alfabetización

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to talk to someone who immediately encouraged me with his sense of compassion and willingness to help those around him. He made a point of saying "if you see a problem, why don't you try to figure out a way to fix it as opposed to just complaining about it".

He runs a voluntary literacy program for Spanish speaking people in this community. It is surprising how many people (even today) don't know how to read and write. It breaks my heart. Reading and writing are two of my favorite things to do. Books can be like comforting, good friends.

Anyway, I was learning about the literacy program, how it started, how many classes they have now, and how I might be able to participate and help.

I've been thinking a lot recently about how much I enjoy both the work of researching/writing and the work that involves practically serving/teaching people. I hope that those two things are always a part of my life.

I have a full life...

Figaro from http://draw.vox.com/

Want to talk to soon: Mom, John M. (and John K.), Andrew, Miriam, Aubrey, Ivy, Karen L., A & D, Chami, Ashley C., Israel, Leah [...]

Need to talk to: Mario, Jennie, Heidi, Omar, [...]

Hope to see soon: Rebecca, Diana, Cara, [...]

Spring Break: look for a job, study Portuguese, read a book, write some, volunteer, [...]

celebrating people

I love celebrating people.

I long to bring people together.

I miss certain people a lot.

Ethiopian food is really good.

thinking about horizontal-ness and resting

This weekend I went on a ‘retreat’ with my church here in DC. I tried not to think about it too much before we went so that I would just take it as it happened and enjoy it for what it was. I was a bit tired because I’ve been sick recently and I got to drive but, otherwise, it was a good time.

I got to meet some new people and I got to connect with some people that I’d met before but, I didn’t know that well. I am happy to be a part of a community of people like this in DC. As a friend told me recently, for whatever flaws we have as a community, each one of us has come as somewhat disconnected individuals to find a type of family there.

Even so, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the ‘type’ of community that we are and have so many things bouncing around in my head. One of those things is that our church is located in Columbia Heights it is such a racially diverse part of the city but, our community doesn’t reflect that diversity very well.

“Left ravaged and forgotten for decades following the race riots in 1968, Columbia Heights has been the focus of a revitalization initiative since 1999. […] It is a microcosm of the unique crossroads of wealth and poverty, power and weakness that is Washington, DC,...”

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my role is as a part of a local church. I’ve been thinking about the Church as a “community of priests” and each and every one of us having a role in being the voice, hands, and feet of the Church. I’ve been thinking about the needs and opportunities in the neighborhood and in what ways we can be “incarnational” by loving our community in practical ways.

The Advent vision states that, “We believe that a healthy church ought to be two dimensional: vertical and horizontal. By means of the vertical dimension, people experience reconciliation and peace with God, and are moved to worship and serve Him. Through the horizontal dimension, people experience reconciliation and peace with one another, and are moved to care for one another and work for the common good.”

I have a deep sense of being loved by the people in the community and at the same time, I think that we could do better at reaching out to the surrounding community. It isn’t going to be easy but, I think that we could do better. I guess what I’ve been thinking about a lot is what am I supposed to do or not do about it. I’m hesitant to just get busy for the sake of being busy but, I’m also wary of not doing anything at all.

This is more of a reflection of my own struggle with what type of commitment I should make to Advent and what kind of things I should commit myself to. I don’t want to over-extend myself and not do anything well but, I also don’t want to sit back and do nothing at all. I am trying to discern how I am called to serve horizontally and how I am going to grow intentionally in knowing Christ and in spiritual friendship with others in my community.

This weekend I felt all the intensity of my desire to love our neighbors and then I was told very directly that I should not worry about those things that it is good for me to learn how to rest and trust that all good things will be done at the right time. Maybe I am not ready to move out of the season of waiting, maybe I still need to learn to rest. That’s ok. I will try not to worry. I will just continue to be and do what seems natural to me. I think I realized this weekend that I AM connected to people in this community even if I feel new and unsure about the role I play.

nothing interesting, just notes

Today, little seven year old Kayvon came up to me and said "Bonjour!" I was surprised and then taught him how to say, "Je m'appelle Kayvon". It was fun.

Many days I walk by a homeless person that I want to be able to talk to but I'm afraid. I am so embarrassed that I am afraid.

I need to talk to my mom soon. There are a lot of relationships in my life. A lot of good, rich relationships. I need to talk to a friend who is in London.

I have been sick for about two weeks. I am very congested and when I wake up I find it difficult to breath. I would like to be well again.

We had a wonderful dinner together tonight. What a refreshing and encouraging place to live.

We have so much food! Oh my!

There are so many things on my mind right now. On Sunday, I went to the grocery store to get some food and while I was standing in line I was just observing what kinds of things people were purchasing. I have to admit that the amount of pre-prepared food, frozen meals, snacks, and things like that was almost sad.

I wish that people could enjoy the less expensive and tastier joy of home-made food and eating fresh fruit and vegetables. It is not surprising that people are excessively over weight if those are the kinds of things that they eat every day. It reminded me of a photo essay that I saw a while back called “What the World Eats.” It was a very interesting comparison of how much it costs to feed a family in a week in different parts of the world and also how different the amount of food people have available to them.

Int' Water Day

I like water. I like drinking clean water without any fears of getting sick because of it. Every 20 seconds, a child dies as a result of the poor sanitary conditions endured by some 2.6 billion people around the world.

I think that often I take water for granted. I don't often in my prayer blessing the food say "thank you for this fresh, clean water". Maybe it is a good thing to stop and consider that as a real gift. I'm going to try to celebrate International World Water Day. Apparently, it is held annually on 22 March as a means of focusing attention on the importance of freshwater and advocating for the sustainable management of freshwater resources. (I didn't know about it until this year).

There are a lot of random things people could do to celebrate World Water Day.

1. You could learn about and donate to Play Pumps International.
2. You could go to a World Water Day Event in your town/city. [Water for People DC is featuring the Filmmaker of "Blue Gold," Sam Bozzo; Friday March 20, 2009 6:30pm @ 1904 14th St. NW Washington, DC 20009]
3. You could learn more about water and the water crisis through organizations like Water for Life.
4. You could participate in the World Water Day International Poster Contest.
5. You can provide access to clean water for 12 people by using a replyforall email signature for one month.

Last, and not least, you can be thankful for the next clean glass of water that you get to drink.

Todos vuelven

Todos vuelven A la tierra en que nacieron
Al embrujo Incomparable de su sol
Todos vuelven Al rincón donde vivieron
Donde acoso florecio Mas de un amor
Bajo el arbol solitario Del silencio
Cuantas veces nos Ponemos a soñar
Todos vuelven Por la ruta del recuerdo
Pero el tiempo del amor No vuelve mas

El aire que trae En sus manos
La flor del pasado Su aroma de ayer
Nos dice muy credo al oido
Su canto aprendido Del atardecer
Nos dice su voz misteriosa
De nardo y de rosa De luna y de miel
Que santo el amor de la tierra
Que triste la ausencia que deja ayer
Que santo el amor de la tierra
Que triste la ausencia que deja ayer

Green Things and American History

On Sunday I had the opportunity to spend some more time with my 'Youth Ambassador' friends from Partners of the Americas. I met up with them as they tried to cross in the middle of the St. Patty's Day Parade and then as we tried to maneuver through the crowds at the National Museum of American History. Even Kermit is at the Museum of American History!

I spent my afternoon with a group of girls from Colombia and had a great time. They were already somewhat exhausted with all the running around to the monuments and other activities that they had been doing all weekend but, even so they were friendly and fun to talk to.

We walked into an exhibit about African-American History in the United States and that sparked and interesting conversation about race in the US and in Latin America. We talked about a little of everything and spending the afternoon with them made me want to work with youth again. I think that I'm young enough to love it and old enough to have something to offer. I'm glad I work with kids during the week, it is good and refreshing.

Bom Dia!

I'm trying to learn Portuguese. I think that it is interesting how much I LOVE going to class. I enjoy the learning process. I even enjoy how incredibly funny I sound when I'm trying to say normal and simple things in Portuguese like, "This is my aunt, she has brown hair and blue eyes."

I won't lie, knowing Spanish makes it so much easier to understand Portuguese than if you didn't speak Spanish first but, at the same time you have to be that much more aware of your accent and how speaking Spanish is NOT the same thing as speaking Portuguese, there are enough differences that you need to be careful.

Anyway, I love learning languages and I think I should keep this in mind as I try to figure out what direction I should head next with my life.

Before I forget...

Funes may have won the elections in El Salvador. "If the results are confirmed, Arena will have lost its first presidential poll since the end of El Salvador's civil war 18 years ago." [Read More]

walking on water

I really am enjoying this book right now.

interesting and thought provoking

On Saturday I went to a conference that was very thought provoking. I have to admit that I actually felt kind of strange going to some of the sessions. I felt slightly out of place in an interesting and good way.

I went to a session hosted by the Latin America Working Group. As time goes on, I realize how connected I am in mind and spirit to Latin America and that it is a good thing. I actually met someone who knew the Aritas in Santa Rosa who used to work with World Vision. What good people to be associated with!

I think that the best part of the conference was walking around and talking to all the people at the different booths. I spent some time chatting with Tom from the Potter's House. He knows my friend Ali and had only good things to say about her. He also encouraged me to come by sometime, it is definitely on my 'must-do-soon' to do list.

Then I walked over to Bread for the World and found out that they know my friend Jenn who is now serving with her loving and gentle spirit in Uganda. I told them that I would love to work with them... someday. I walked around talking to different people who are working passionately for different causes. I'm reflecting more and more on what my role ought to be in all of these good things... it seems like things like this get more blurry before they get clear again.

one more time

I just have to say one more time, I love ice skating. I will go again soon if I can.

ice skating!

I recently became friends with a girl who works for an organization called Partners of the Americas. I am excited about this organization. I'm excited because it really works with a volunteerism in a way that I appreciate. I would enjoy being part of an organization like this one.

I was invited to spend some time with their youth ambassadors and was super excited about it.

Their website says that "The Youth Ambassadors program offers Latin America youth new international opportunities and experiences to broaden their knowledge of U.S. culture, society, and education. The participants and U.S. audiences will increase their mutual understanding among peoples of the Americas. The Youth Ambassadors for the Americas program will not only provide new knowledge and experience for participants, but also prepare them for a lifetime of leadership and community service."

I got to ice skating with them on Friday night. I love skating. I think I forgot how scary and hard it is the first time that you get on the ice. Otherwise, it's so much fun! I enjoyed the students and I think I'm going to hang out with them again on Sunday afternoon.

people don't look at me funny anymore

In the newspaper this morning I read the headline "Unemployment in D.C. spikes to 9.3 percent" and then I found this interactive map in my inbox at work telling me "Unemployment Rising in Every State". These are interesting times.

It is amazing how quickly we can move from unchecked optimism and fearlessness to the shock of insecurity. We do not have everything under control all the time, things do no always go the way we expect them to.

At least people don't look at me so strangely when I say that I'm having a hard time finding a job. Last summer most people were so much more optimistic, they were all unbelieving when I was having a hard time finding a job. Today, unfortunately, some of those same people don't have jobs.

broken thoughts on lent

I just found the note paper on which I had written down some thoughts on Sunday:

I've been thinking a bit about the season of lent... I grew up in a Catholic country where lent had a different name and my Church didn't commemorate it very intentionally... for now, I am embracing it as a time of directed refocusing. There is not time that is not open for searching our inner life for unhealthy distractions from what is true, good, and beautiful.

It is already the beginning of the second week of lent and I have already not been able to enter into the reflective discipline that I had intended to. It is not too late to get started so, I will enter the new week with renewed purpose...
...it could be seen as a time of cleansing from distractions or a time to discipline our habits. These may be two sides of the same coin of lent for me this year.

There are always distractions and recently I have decided that I am often distracted by good things from even better things. So, this is a season of discerning no "what is bad" but what is the "better thing". The challenge is choosing between good things...
...sometimes the better thing is solitude, other times the best thing is service, other times the best thing is hospitality, other times the best thing is a phone call, and other times the best thing is doing nothing at all.
...consciously stepping away from what distracts me from the "one thing that is necessary" has to be active...

need, want, should

My room needs to be picked up.

The bills need to be paid.

I want to read a book.

I should go to sleep.

lauren shea little

Last Friday evening I got to go with two good friends to an artistic event called Pictures at an Exhibit. It was based in reverse on the famous suite of ten piano pieces composed by Modest Mussorgsky in 1874. He walked through an art exhibit and then wrote his music based on his response to the paintings. This exhibit was my friend Lauren Little's personal journey in responding to the music.

It was refreshing to my spirit to listen to a beautiful piano piece and then engage the art. My friend Lauren Little gave a short statement about her show and her journey through pain, grieving, solitude, community, and healing to create the paintings. It was good.

I was surprised because the first real conversation that I ever had with Lauren became part of the direction she went with one of her paintings. "The Wounded Healer is at the Gate". It made me realize that I am so very blessed to be in the community that I am in right now. It is enriching to grow into each others lives in that way. It was beautiful.

so much on my mind

I have so much on my mind right now. I feel the need to start writing to untangle some of it. Some of it is good, some of it is confusing, some of it is just filling in all of the little spaces and doesn't make any sense. So, today, I had a good day. At work I actually got some work done on my main project, I was pretty excited about that.

I didn't have school this afternoon so I went to the National Gallery of Art to see a temporary exhibit called "Looking In: Robert Frank's The Americans". The exhibit includes 83 photographs made largely in 1955 and 1956 while Frank (b. 1924) traveled around the United States. The exhibit was so good. I enjoyed seeing people's faces, moments being captured in photographs. You should look at some of the exhibit for yourself if you can.

I am provided for...

Last week I was tired in body and spirit. I let anxiety about finances, relationships, and the future cloud my vision and discourage me. There were little things, however, that helped clear away the fog (for a while) in each one of those areas during the week.

Last Tuesday, I went to a homeless shelter and talked to some people who's circumstances are absolutely awful; they are alone and disconnected. This made me realize how blessed I am to have shelter and protection. I am provided for, I should never, never forget that.

I got sick last week and was distracted at work. I was given the gift of a day to rest. I was able to sleep for most of the day. That helped restore my body with energy and my spirit with optimism. I really am provided for.

Salvadoran Politics in DC

On Sunday, I was going to play soccer with some friends but ended up at the most interesting political campaigning event. The elections here in the US are over but, the elections in El Salvador are next week on the 15th. That means that the last push to get voters is on. Since something like 1/3 of the Salvadoran population lives in the United States, it is a significant political force. What will happen with the remitances and things like that is very important to the Salvadoran economy.

I guess today was the last day for campaigning in El Salvador. This morning I was reading that there have been 689 murders reported in the first two months of the year, it is unbelievable. The level of violence has escalated with the intensity of the political climate. This year, the elections are particularly interesting because for the first time in something like 20 years the FMLN (the leftist party) has a chance of winning the election. Everyone is wondering what will happen if they win and many are worried about what will happen if they don't.

Anyway, there was a group of people supporting the FMLN giving out phone cards to people so that they could call their families and encourage them to vote! It was really interesting. Once I worked up the courage to go talk to some of them I got thinking about the role that the US plays in Salvadoran politics, about how much I don't like the aggression of politics and many other things...

snow, snow, snow

Well, today I woke up to see the blanket of snow outside. It was fantastic. I still went to my morning job but, got to come back and spend the rest of my afternoon working on projects and listening to the This American Life podcast. Very plesant. Tomorrow is supposed to be VERY cold, I'm not excited about that. I will be happy when it's warmer again.

I had a very busy week last week. It was busy with work, organizing, and thinking. I was processing a lot of things. It is very odd how our most beautiful moments or experiences can be over-shadowed by the difficult aspects of those moments. I've been wondering about that. Do I just make things difficult? Do I just choose to emphasize the worst over the best? Perhaps. I do believe that there are experiences that are just down-right difficult.

Am I an optimist or a pessimist? I don't know. But, right now I feel pretty optimistic about life. So, I'm going to go enjoy my evening at home.