In trying to make sense of Christianity or any religion, the operative word is faith.
This is such a funny story. All of the dialogue in this story is bad French translated into English.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
when the wind blows
The wind has been blowing in the past few days. At times it is a threatening and at times it is almost soothing. If you've ever lived on the Chesapeake Bay you'll know that strong wind that makes a loud rushing whistling sound through all the house. If you leave a crack in the window the wind will get to be so strong that it will wake you up (and I'm a deep sleeper usually). I love it! Everything is so cool and fresh when the wind blows.
Last week I went to the Museo de la Palabra y de la Imagen. It is a small museum that is doing its part in helping to preserve the memories of the Civil War in El Salvador. The conflict is so complex, all sides were convinced that they were defending a righteous cause and everyone was corrupted in some way or another by the atrocity that is war. The thing that fascinates me is how the country continues to be passionately polarized. I hope that they will be able to continue to grow in peace and freedom into the future.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
little wet tears
Have you ever noticed how it seems like it is much harder it is to know how the people you live with are doing than the people you might interact with elsewhere?
This might be just an illusion but... I don't think so. Not entirely. You see, when you see someone that you don't live with you think to ask, "how are you?" and you ask about things in their lives because you know that you don't know. When you interact with someone that you live with, sometimes, you ask "how are you?" but, for some reason it is harder because it almost seems silly to ask or answer that question honestly.
We shouldn't assume that the people we live with can know without being told what is happening in our lives. Sometimes, some people (I've been guilty of this before) get upset when the people around them cannot just KNOW what it is that they're thinking or feeling. This might be one of the most important lessons in living well with others --don't assume that you know what is happening to the people around you and don't assume that they know what is happening to (or in) you.
This might be just an illusion but... I don't think so. Not entirely. You see, when you see someone that you don't live with you think to ask, "how are you?" and you ask about things in their lives because you know that you don't know. When you interact with someone that you live with, sometimes, you ask "how are you?" but, for some reason it is harder because it almost seems silly to ask or answer that question honestly.
We shouldn't assume that the people we live with can know without being told what is happening in our lives. Sometimes, some people (I've been guilty of this before) get upset when the people around them cannot just KNOW what it is that they're thinking or feeling. This might be one of the most important lessons in living well with others --don't assume that you know what is happening to the people around you and don't assume that they know what is happening to (or in) you.
an honest living on the bus
When I ride the bus to and from work I find myself with some type of person on every ride who is asking for help. Most people have some sort of speech or performance. There are the recovered drug addicts or gang members who have an amazing conversion story where they talk about how Jesus saved them from their past life. They usually give the message that you too can be saved and ask you to support the ministry that God used to help them by purchasing a sticker or something for 10 or 25 cents.
Other times it will be a man with his son telling us about how their youngest child has a terrible sickness and that they cannot afford the medical expenses to support their family. It is terribly depressing. There is the young boy about age 12 who got on the bus and sang us a song. I've seen him twice. He ends his song and says, "Thank you very much for helping me earn an honest living." It's so hard to see and hear that.
The other day, there was a clown and a man with no legs who got onto the bus. The man painted as a clown made some ridiculous comments and told everyone that his companion was the strongest man alive. He then lifted him up to hold onto the two bars on the top of the bus. He proceeded to do some acrobatic type exercises with some comical interaction with his partner. They then told everyone that they would appreciate a contribution.
A couple of days ago, I saw a young woman dressed as a clown with a little girl waiting to get on the bus. I saw her get on and though to myself, "She looks so sad." She got on towards the end of my bus ride. She set her little girl on the first seat and started to talk. "My name is Teardrop the sad clown. I want to recite a poem for you." She went on to recite the saddest poem. I cannot remember the words only the feeling I had. The poem told of the sadness of the clown that has to smile to hide their sadness, who has to smile to make others laugh. I had to get off before she finished her poem but, it made me feel very sad.
Other times it will be a man with his son telling us about how their youngest child has a terrible sickness and that they cannot afford the medical expenses to support their family. It is terribly depressing. There is the young boy about age 12 who got on the bus and sang us a song. I've seen him twice. He ends his song and says, "Thank you very much for helping me earn an honest living." It's so hard to see and hear that.
The other day, there was a clown and a man with no legs who got onto the bus. The man painted as a clown made some ridiculous comments and told everyone that his companion was the strongest man alive. He then lifted him up to hold onto the two bars on the top of the bus. He proceeded to do some acrobatic type exercises with some comical interaction with his partner. They then told everyone that they would appreciate a contribution.
A couple of days ago, I saw a young woman dressed as a clown with a little girl waiting to get on the bus. I saw her get on and though to myself, "She looks so sad." She got on towards the end of my bus ride. She set her little girl on the first seat and started to talk. "My name is Teardrop the sad clown. I want to recite a poem for you." She went on to recite the saddest poem. I cannot remember the words only the feeling I had. The poem told of the sadness of the clown that has to smile to hide their sadness, who has to smile to make others laugh. I had to get off before she finished her poem but, it made me feel very sad.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Cardboard Houses
This song is about all the people who live in the cardboard houses. Poverty is so disheartening. Overcoming poverty takes supernatural courage, overwhelming support networks... well, a miracle. Anyone who makes it out is a miracle. It can happen, it happens more often than it would seem like but... the people that remain stuck outnumber the ones who remain stuck. Where is the line between being poor and indignity. I think that you can live a beautiful, satisfying life while being poor but, I think there is poverty that can rob you of your humanity.
Maras in El Salvador
I just wrote a blog entry on the AP website about the issue of the Maras in El Salvador. There was a documentary made a little while back about the Mara Salvatrucha and the gang violence here. The story is so awful and so complicated, these videos help give an idea of what I'm talking about:
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I get grumpy when I don't eat lunch...
Yesterday, when I was riding home on the bus the sky was blue painted with pink clouds and the moon was full. Did you notice? It was lovely. I could have just stared out at it but, I was tired. It is amazing how exhausting a day at work can be. I got home and sat down on my bed. The next thing I knew I was trying not to fall asleep.
You see, at work I don't do anything glamorous. Sometimes, I have to imagine how to explain concepts like "what is a wiki" and "how stuff shows up on Google" but mostly, my tasks involve some research, some translating, a lot of 'uploading' to the internet (which can take forever if the internet is slow), and most of my emotional energy is spent on trying to understand why things happen the way that they do here. Yesterday, I got quite a bit of work done in the morning and by 2pm I was called to join everyone for our (very late lunch) birthday celebration for the director.
"Lunch" (when it happens) is a little bit of a surreal experience. I don't know if you've heard stories of back in the olden days when people would close their shops and have lunch and a siesta for two hours but, that is sort of what happens here at my workplace sometimes. Yesterday, we waited for everyone to come to eat and then we ate, talked, and talked, and ate. Everything happened so slowly and yet strangely lovely in its own way. I get asked a question about Panama and then I get asked if I know the national anthem. Thankfully, I remember most of it, "Alcanzamos por fin la victoria..." and we started to sing. She has a wonderful singing voice.
"We lived in all of these countries," she said "we were taught that we were citizens of the world." Then she sang the anthems from Nicaragua, Honduras, Mexico, Guatemala, Venezuela, and then Ima came and they sang the Costarican anthem together. They had great old-fashioned voices and they sang their hearts out. Her siblings all love to sing. Last Friday, we went out to eat after work and her brother came with his guitar and friends and they went into the garden in the back of the little place where we were eating and they starting to sing old Spanish ballads with deep melancholic voices. They never came over to where we were sitting, it was like someone was singing the songs in whispers into our ears. We finished singing, she gave a speech and then we ate some cake.
Two hours had gone by and I had heard stories that you would only dream of reading in some strange, lost memoir. "War" she said, "is a terrible thing. We can disagree but that does not mean that we are enemies." And her daughter told of the days when she was a little girl and the children would be recruited to fight in the battalions. Children, how fully can they make decisions on their own? Do they just do what they are told? They can believe in almost any cause, how do you know if they are being taught the right one? These conversations bring some sort of connectedness in the midst of the terribly discouraging issues that we're working with.
Today, we learned how to use the program to change documents into PDFs and worked on some of the same old... reading, translating, and uploading. The day went by quickly and before I knew it it was past the "late lunch" hour and we hadn't eaten anything. Now, some of you have heard me start humming when I get hungry but, the truth is that I get grumpy when I'm hungry and I cannot concentrate. It was terrible. By then, it wasn't worth it for me to just go get something to eat and come back. I finished the project I was working on and left for home when I usually do, except without having eaten any lunch.
I arrived exhausted, mostly because I hadn't eaten. I don't understand how they can go without eating. "We're used to it" they say. I made it home and ate some food and felt a little recovered but, still more tired that usual. I wonder about all the people in the world who give themselves to social causes and ministries and completely sacrifice their lives for the sake of the people they are trying to help. Is it good? Is it right? We want to help others live lives with dignity and self-worth and we completely depreciate the value of our own lives. It is somewhat of a contradictory message. But, there are moments and times for complete self-sacrifice. How do we know when it is that time?
You see, at work I don't do anything glamorous. Sometimes, I have to imagine how to explain concepts like "what is a wiki" and "how stuff shows up on Google" but mostly, my tasks involve some research, some translating, a lot of 'uploading' to the internet (which can take forever if the internet is slow), and most of my emotional energy is spent on trying to understand why things happen the way that they do here. Yesterday, I got quite a bit of work done in the morning and by 2pm I was called to join everyone for our (very late lunch) birthday celebration for the director.
"Lunch" (when it happens) is a little bit of a surreal experience. I don't know if you've heard stories of back in the olden days when people would close their shops and have lunch and a siesta for two hours but, that is sort of what happens here at my workplace sometimes. Yesterday, we waited for everyone to come to eat and then we ate, talked, and talked, and ate. Everything happened so slowly and yet strangely lovely in its own way. I get asked a question about Panama and then I get asked if I know the national anthem. Thankfully, I remember most of it, "Alcanzamos por fin la victoria..." and we started to sing. She has a wonderful singing voice.
"We lived in all of these countries," she said "we were taught that we were citizens of the world." Then she sang the anthems from Nicaragua, Honduras, Mexico, Guatemala, Venezuela, and then Ima came and they sang the Costarican anthem together. They had great old-fashioned voices and they sang their hearts out. Her siblings all love to sing. Last Friday, we went out to eat after work and her brother came with his guitar and friends and they went into the garden in the back of the little place where we were eating and they starting to sing old Spanish ballads with deep melancholic voices. They never came over to where we were sitting, it was like someone was singing the songs in whispers into our ears. We finished singing, she gave a speech and then we ate some cake.
Two hours had gone by and I had heard stories that you would only dream of reading in some strange, lost memoir. "War" she said, "is a terrible thing. We can disagree but that does not mean that we are enemies." And her daughter told of the days when she was a little girl and the children would be recruited to fight in the battalions. Children, how fully can they make decisions on their own? Do they just do what they are told? They can believe in almost any cause, how do you know if they are being taught the right one? These conversations bring some sort of connectedness in the midst of the terribly discouraging issues that we're working with.
Today, we learned how to use the program to change documents into PDFs and worked on some of the same old... reading, translating, and uploading. The day went by quickly and before I knew it it was past the "late lunch" hour and we hadn't eaten anything. Now, some of you have heard me start humming when I get hungry but, the truth is that I get grumpy when I'm hungry and I cannot concentrate. It was terrible. By then, it wasn't worth it for me to just go get something to eat and come back. I finished the project I was working on and left for home when I usually do, except without having eaten any lunch.
I arrived exhausted, mostly because I hadn't eaten. I don't understand how they can go without eating. "We're used to it" they say. I made it home and ate some food and felt a little recovered but, still more tired that usual. I wonder about all the people in the world who give themselves to social causes and ministries and completely sacrifice their lives for the sake of the people they are trying to help. Is it good? Is it right? We want to help others live lives with dignity and self-worth and we completely depreciate the value of our own lives. It is somewhat of a contradictory message. But, there are moments and times for complete self-sacrifice. How do we know when it is that time?
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Remembering Romero
"The death of Monseñor Romero"
On Monday, I went to the UCA (Central American University, San Salvador) where on November 16, 1989 six Jesuit priests, their housekeeper and her daughter in El Salvador were brutally murdered by members of the Salvadoran military.
At the University there is a small museum to remember the Jesuits who died (the pictures were so awful that I actually started crying and couldn't look at all of them) and also Monseñor Oscar Romero who was the Archbishop of San Salvador until March 24, 2980 when he was murdered just as he as he held the consecrated host up during Mass. Monseñor Romero was an interesting figure in the history of the war. He's probably the most well known name from that time.
He was chosen as Archbishop because he was known for being conservative, the church, government, and everyone else involved didn't expect him to become a problem for the government. Romero, however, as he started to identify with the situation that the poor were living in, he became "a voice to the voiceless". Soon, there was concern that his teachings would motivate the opposition, the guerrilla, and those with Communist tendencies and the order was given to assassinate him.
At the University there is a small museum to remember the Jesuits who died (the pictures were so awful that I actually started crying and couldn't look at all of them) and also Monseñor Oscar Romero who was the Archbishop of San Salvador until March 24, 2980 when he was murdered just as he as he held the consecrated host up during Mass. Monseñor Romero was an interesting figure in the history of the war. He's probably the most well known name from that time.
He was chosen as Archbishop because he was known for being conservative, the church, government, and everyone else involved didn't expect him to become a problem for the government. Romero, however, as he started to identify with the situation that the poor were living in, he became "a voice to the voiceless". Soon, there was concern that his teachings would motivate the opposition, the guerrilla, and those with Communist tendencies and the order was given to assassinate him.
"If they kill me, I will resurrect in my people."
For those who have done any reading in "global theologies" you might find it interesting that as I was walking around the UCA, my friend pointed at a man and said, "That is Jon Sobrino." I was so suprised! I had forgotten that he was here in El Salvador. He is one of the current day "liberation theologians" and was given an admonishment by the Vatican for his work. I had looked at some of his work while I was in college, I didn't get to talk to him but it was kind of cool to see him from a distance.
slow down people
These are my two co-workers making a poster for a presentation.
Today, it rained ALL day long. It is raining outside right now. Because of the rain it is almost cold. I haven't really been hot at all the whole time that I've been here. It's been chilly. It is really nice to sleep when it is raining outside. ¡Que rico!
I've noticed recently how I live in the tension between the latin and northern approach to time. Here the way you show that you value other people is by spending time with them (which I LOVE and embrace as a generally great way to live life) and up north the way that you show your value for others is by being punctual with your deadlines, getting things done, etc. (not always, that is a HUGE generalization, but in general it is true and anyone who has ever done any type of project with me will know how keen I am on getting work done on time).
I've had to be really concious of slowing down when it's time to be with people. The projects will be finished later but, time with people should never be rushed. If you're done eating, sit and talk untill everyone is ready to go onto other things. It's been interesting to watch the different ways in which I have to consciously stop thinking about how I'm going to get my projects done and enjoy the moment with people.
Today, there was a guy preaching on the bus on my way home from work. He told about his time dealing drugs, how he used to get on the bus and rob people. He said, "I used to get on the bus and tell people to give me their money, and if they didn't give it to me --I'd shoot them!" He talked about how he was a new person because now he was saved. He asked how many people on the bus were Christians, he said "I'm not ashamed to say that I am a child of God." He asked everyone what would happen to them if they were hit by a car when they got off the bus and died. I don't know, it was just interesting.
I've noticed recently how I live in the tension between the latin and northern approach to time. Here the way you show that you value other people is by spending time with them (which I LOVE and embrace as a generally great way to live life) and up north the way that you show your value for others is by being punctual with your deadlines, getting things done, etc. (not always, that is a HUGE generalization, but in general it is true and anyone who has ever done any type of project with me will know how keen I am on getting work done on time).
I've had to be really concious of slowing down when it's time to be with people. The projects will be finished later but, time with people should never be rushed. If you're done eating, sit and talk untill everyone is ready to go onto other things. It's been interesting to watch the different ways in which I have to consciously stop thinking about how I'm going to get my projects done and enjoy the moment with people.
Today, there was a guy preaching on the bus on my way home from work. He told about his time dealing drugs, how he used to get on the bus and rob people. He said, "I used to get on the bus and tell people to give me their money, and if they didn't give it to me --I'd shoot them!" He talked about how he was a new person because now he was saved. He asked how many people on the bus were Christians, he said "I'm not ashamed to say that I am a child of God." He asked everyone what would happen to them if they were hit by a car when they got off the bus and died. I don't know, it was just interesting.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
rich by association
I walk by this fountain every day on my way to work.
Sundays are a hard day for me, they have been for a long time. Being here it is nothing new, just an extension of a longer experience that started elsewhere in some other place and in some other time. Sundays seem like they should be a time to be grateful, spent with friends and family. I miss people on Sundays. The first half of this year Sundays were a little less hard with Christ Church, Advent, and the Book of Common Prayer.
It is hard to deny that there are some people who are rich. They have access to money, power, and influence. They are literally rich. There are other people who give the perception of being rich. They might not have as much money but, they have physical characteristics or are from a certain part of the world that gives the impression that they are 'probably' rich. Then, there are those people who may not have much money and don't quite look like they would be rich but, they have access to a certain amount of influence by their associations.
I get frustrated when people treat me with preference just because they think that I'm used to a lot of luxury (if they only knew!). Special treatment goes with being among those who 'have'. I can relate to the girl who feels out of place in the US. How to administrate wealth is an issue even if you aren't literally rich. Just because being here you're now able to live in the social class that you think you belong to doesn't mean that you are in the same shoes as the people around you.
How to use the 'wealth by association' that you have for the privileges that might not be financial but give you advantages even over your financial equals where you're living is a tricky question. I think that the best rule of thumb is that whatever you do with the influence or privilege you have (literal wealth or whatever kind it might be) it should never be-little others and should primarily be 'good'. It should be shared but only to affirm the beauty of life with others, not to make others feel inferior. It should be humble, so as to not lord it over others. It should not be denied, so as to not minimize the reality of the challenges that others face. You shouldn't always spend more money on things, 'just because you can'. Living simply is good.
I like to take my cues from those who actually literally have less than I do. There is no need for me to talk about what I have or don't have. When they offer to share with me, I accept gratefully. I look for the beauty in the simple things that they have. I find joy in the things that they find joy in. I look to celebrate the things that they are celebrating. I seek to mourn with them when they are grieving and if I have the ability to help in proportion to their generosity towards me, I will do my best to do so wisely. Doing good and loving well is not something that is discovered one day and never has to be re-considered. I think it is something that has to be re-learned in every new person and situation that I encounter.
ALMIGHTY God, from whom all thoughts of truth and peace proceed: Kindle, we pray thee, in the hearts of all men the true love of peace, and guide with thy pure and peaceable wisdom those who take counsel for the nations of the earth; that in tranquillity thy kingdom may go forward, till the earth is filled with the knowledge of thy love; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.I was talking to someone the other day about their social standing here as opposed to in the US. She was saying how she always felt out of place in the US and so, literally being out of place feels comfortable as opposed to always being in a place where she's supposed to fit in (in the US) and not being able to. It made me think about the fact that there is such a think as 'literal wealth', 'perceived wealth' and 'wealth by association'.
It is hard to deny that there are some people who are rich. They have access to money, power, and influence. They are literally rich. There are other people who give the perception of being rich. They might not have as much money but, they have physical characteristics or are from a certain part of the world that gives the impression that they are 'probably' rich. Then, there are those people who may not have much money and don't quite look like they would be rich but, they have access to a certain amount of influence by their associations.
I get frustrated when people treat me with preference just because they think that I'm used to a lot of luxury (if they only knew!). Special treatment goes with being among those who 'have'. I can relate to the girl who feels out of place in the US. How to administrate wealth is an issue even if you aren't literally rich. Just because being here you're now able to live in the social class that you think you belong to doesn't mean that you are in the same shoes as the people around you.
How to use the 'wealth by association' that you have for the privileges that might not be financial but give you advantages even over your financial equals where you're living is a tricky question. I think that the best rule of thumb is that whatever you do with the influence or privilege you have (literal wealth or whatever kind it might be) it should never be-little others and should primarily be 'good'. It should be shared but only to affirm the beauty of life with others, not to make others feel inferior. It should be humble, so as to not lord it over others. It should not be denied, so as to not minimize the reality of the challenges that others face. You shouldn't always spend more money on things, 'just because you can'. Living simply is good.
I like to take my cues from those who actually literally have less than I do. There is no need for me to talk about what I have or don't have. When they offer to share with me, I accept gratefully. I look for the beauty in the simple things that they have. I find joy in the things that they find joy in. I look to celebrate the things that they are celebrating. I seek to mourn with them when they are grieving and if I have the ability to help in proportion to their generosity towards me, I will do my best to do so wisely. Doing good and loving well is not something that is discovered one day and never has to be re-considered. I think it is something that has to be re-learned in every new person and situation that I encounter.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
El MARTE
Since I last wrote I've done quite a few random things, some I never expected to do when I came. This morning I went to the National Art Musem (MARTE) with Israel and our guest for the day, Ben (who was visiting from Honduras). It was amazing. I'll share some of the photos we took while we were there.
There's Ben!
Last weekend I went to the circus and had amazing fish. I was working on organizing content at work but, then I got sick. That got me off pace and I have felt the need to rest a lot. It has been raining a lot here in the evenings. To be honest, I like it. The weather is this precious cool but not cold temperature and everything is green, green, green. I am trying to be cautious about what I write about and how I say it. There will be more as I catch on to some of the cultural and societal nuances that I'm still trying to understand.
There's Ben!
Last weekend I went to the circus and had amazing fish. I was working on organizing content at work but, then I got sick. That got me off pace and I have felt the need to rest a lot. It has been raining a lot here in the evenings. To be honest, I like it. The weather is this precious cool but not cold temperature and everything is green, green, green. I am trying to be cautious about what I write about and how I say it. There will be more as I catch on to some of the cultural and societal nuances that I'm still trying to understand.
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