paradox

 
Paradox 1 (2005) by Robert Pepperell, Oil on panel, 46cm x 60cm

 

The paradox of wanting to be a writer is that you have to be intensely interested in the world around you and also be comfortable spending hours and hours alone.

the fun part is now

I just started reading this book called The Happiness Project and even though some people might find it kind of formulaic, I love it.  It fits my lists and checklists kind of personality.  Or maybe I think that some great advice seems SO old fashioned that we overlook it.  I love that kind of thing.  So, I might mention a few of the things I enjoyed from my reading in the next few blog posts. 

"If I can enjoy the present, I don't need to count on the happiness that is (or isn't) waiting for me in the future.  The fun part doesn't come later, now is the fun part."

That advice fits with one of my current major goals in life, which is to enjoy the moment that I'm in.  I have some big exciting changes coming up and I don't want to short-change the present because of my excitement for the future.   It is hard to remember sometimes that the "fun part is now" even though I'm sure I'll look back on these days with fondness.

we are dust

"As a father shows compassion to his children,
   so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
For he knows our frame;
   he remembers that we are dust."
Psalm 103:13-14

"...our Sunday liturgy changes as well during this time. We...refrain from saying “hallelujah.” This last practice, sometimes referred to as “burying the hallelujah,” brings a sense of loss and expectancy to our worship, both shifting our focus toward the suffering and death of our Lord Jesus Christ and enhancing our anticipation of His resurrection. It’s absence is palpable, and creates in us a longing that will be fulfilled when again we proclaim this word of heavenly praise together on Easter morning. And this reminds us that Lent is ultimately a way of seeking, through repentance and preparation, that the Lord would restore unto us the joy of His salvation (Psalm 51:12)." Church of the Advent

thoughts on ash wednesday

"Yet even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
and rend your hearts and not your garments."
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.”
Joel 2:12-13  

Today is Ash Wednesday. In the liturgical tradition it is the beginning of the season of Lent. I was just reminded by a friend on the Christian journey that 

“Lent is an ancient Christian tradition that began as a way for Christians to join with new converts as they prepared to be baptized at Easter. It was a time for new converts / baptismal candidates to reflect on their need for Christ and walk in repentance, and the larger community of Christians would join them in this. To help in this, Christians have historically embraced some sort of fast – as a way of tangibly pulling one’s life (heart, thoughts, habits) into the way of self-denial and repentance. These are not simply initiation rites, but are essential daily practices in a life lived with God.”

I chose not to go to the Ash Wednesday service tonight because I wanted to make sure that I actually took the time to reflect on the meaning of this season and where I should examine my own heart. Why do people think of it as just a time to fast from something? Is that what it’s really about? I don’t think that it’s about fasting but, about seeking to give ourselves over to knowing God in a more intentional way. God is not any more available during this time than He is at any other time of the year. We are the ones that need markers in our lives, on our calendars to remind us that we have a lot more to receive that we’ve been aware of. 

I wonder how I can seek to know God more and see what He is doing around me so that I can join with him. I think that anything that allows me to love others well is important, which means I need to rest more and reflect more. Remembering that I need rest but that healing happens within community. Christ is found in the body of Christ. If I want to know Him more, I need to learn to enter into community as well. I need to “fast” from those things that lead me to fatigue instead of enthusiasm for loving and participating in relationship with others.

some bonhoeffer

Thank you Megan, this is perfect.

"Nothing can make up for the absence of someone who we love, and it would be wrong to find a substitute; we must simply hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, for the gap, as long it remains unfilled, preserves the bonds between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap; God does not fill it, but on the contrary, God keeps it empty and so helps us keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain ... The dearer and richer our memories, the more difficult the separation. But beauties of the past are borne, not as a thorn in the flesh, but as a previous gift in themselves. We must take care not to wallow in our memories or to hand ourselves over to them, just as we don’t gaze all the time at a valuable present, but only at special times, and apart from the keep it simply as a hidden treasure that is ours for certain. In this way the past gives us lasting joy and strength."

Dietrich Bonheoffer

happy (lunar) new year!

I forgot to say "happy year of the tiger" to everyone on Sunday.  I've been enjoying the "lunar new year" stamps these days as I've been loving the snow break to write cards to my friends. I think this is going to be the best year of the tiger ever.

That being said, we went back to school today after our snow storm break.  We were thinking of all the snow related compound words like "snowman", "snowball", "snowflake"... I also had to respond to the principle's question about individual's intent to return next year.  

To be honest, I teared up as I was writing it.  I am going to miss it there.  I have had a very good experience and feel like I've learned a lot.  The people have been so incredible and I'm so thankful for such a wonderful team of people.  I know I'm not leaving yet but, I want to make the most of it.

Not that I'm completely sad.  The truth is that I'm mostly happy because in addition to having to say goodbye to lots of wonderful things in my life, this year is also going to be filled with new and wonderful things (like getting married) and hopefully experiencing and learning in another school setting.

what type are you?

I just took this witty test called "What type are you?"  It turns out that my type is Archer Hairline "a modern typeface with a straightforward appearance with tiny outbreaks of elegance and tiny dots of emotion".  Maybe there's something to it!  

This week I've been thinking about "outbreaks of emotion" and have found myself faced with my humanity and my inability to communicate well the complexity of my feelings.  I can be irritable and inconsiderate in ways that make me feel ashamed and yet, I admit that these are certainly areas where I've seen improvement which is at least a little bit comforting.

Snow! Snow! Snow!

So, if you didn't know about it already I have been in DC this past week with school canceled due to an overwhelming blizzard like snow storm.  I've actually enjoyed it, I feel like I'm living something historical!  I was also trying to recover from a pretty bad cold so, being forced to stay in was helpful.

The best part about being caught in the biggest snowstorm in the recent history of Washington, DC is that it has allowed (or forced) me to rest and reevaluate my life in a really good way.  I have had time to set goals for the next few months and think about what I'll need to do to meet those goals.  I've been working on pick up some important habits that I've let go of.  I think that integrating important habits that allow me to read more, write more, and be more active will give me an overall sense of health that is important.