Friday, May 29, 2009

proverbs 3:5-6

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;
don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that God corrects;
a father's delight is behind all this.

expecting God?

I've found myself truly meditating on this message in the past couple of days. Especially the question of what is my response when things go wrong.
"... let me ask you: Did you just fly through this past week oblivious to the activity of God in and around you? Did you look for, expect, and see God at work in you, through you, in the lives of others?

Did we live with our eyes open, our hearts and mind attentive for God’s work, or for God’s voice? Did we expect God to be at work in us and through us, for Jesus to be evident and active in and through our lives, or did we just go about our week, in the knowledge that God loves us and is with us?

And let me take it one more step: cause this is often when the reality of our expectation or lack of expectation shows most clearly… When things fall apart, when things go awry (as they often do), what’s our response? Despair or hope? Do we quickly become paralyzed with fear that its all downhill from here?

Or do we find hope in the awareness, the knowledge, the expectation that Jesus is still in charge, that He is still alive and Lord over all, and that as we look to Him, as we seek Him, He will be at work in even this to bring about His purposes – for His glory, for our joy and for the sake of others?" --Scott "expecting God"

the question remains

I think that you all should listen to this podcast of a sermon given by my pastor Scott Anderson on the passage in Acts 12: 1-18.
"One of the things that we’re constantly confronted with, when we read the book of Acts, is that the early Christians lived their lives with a very real sense of expectation - for God to be active, evident and involved in their everyday lives, and in and through their prayers. They expected to see God at work in their lives, and in the lives of others around them. And it always makes me think – Do I? Do we?

We know this is God’s world. That He made everything that is in it. That He is Lord over all of it. And that He has shown Himself to be a God who doesn’t just live off in the heavens, but who shows up in the lives of women and men, who enters into human history, who acts to bring about His kingdom and will in the lives of people just like us, and in the life of nations and empires. Yet, for all of that knowledge, the question still remains – Do we… Do you and I expect to see God at work in our lives? " --Scott

"Still shaking his head, amazed, he went to Mary's house, the Mary who was John Mark's mother.

The house was packed with praying friends. When he knocked on the door to the courtyard, a young woman named Rhoda came to see who it was. But when she recognized his voice—Peter's voice!—she was so excited and eager to tell everyone Peter was there that she forgot to open the door and left him standing in the street.

But they wouldn't believe her, dismissing her, dismissing her report. "You're crazy," they said. She stuck by her story, insisting. They still wouldn't believe her and said, "It must be his angel." All this time poor Peter was standing out in the street, knocking away.

Finally they opened up and saw him—and went wild! Peter put his hands up and calmed them down. He described how the Master had gotten him out of jail, then said, "Tell James and the brothers what's happened." He left them and went off to another place.

At daybreak the jail was in an uproar. "Where is Peter? What's happened to Peter?" --Acts 12

Thursday, May 28, 2009

facebook culture is strange


Sometimes, I don't like facebook. I mean, I enjoy the fact that it allows me to "connect" with people who I haven't seen or heard from in a while but, I'm not a big fan of the rest of the facebook culture.

First of all, I am a big fan of being connected to people in real spaces. This might sound odd coming from someone who relies almost entirely upon the internet (email, skype, blogs) to stay in touch with the people she most loves but, it is also BECAUSE I have to rely so much on the internet that I dislike it as a mediator of relationships.

I will forever prefer going on a walk with a friend, sitting with someone at a coffee shop reading a book, making dinner together, laughing together, etc. to the type of relationship that happens on facebook.

I don't like facebook because of how it makes me feel about my relationships. Mostly because I don't actually spend a lot of time on there, I don't actually participate in the "facebook conversation" and so, when I do "check" facebook... I feel overwhelmed. It gives me a sick sensation that I am somehow out of the loop and that those people who are actively leaving posts on each other's "walls", tagging each other in their "notes", and commenting on their friends regularly updated "status" somehow have a deeper, closer, or more real relationship than I have with those same friends. As if the long exchange of comments on someones facebook page makes them more special and leaves me out.

The moment I catch myself feeling that --it makes me feel kind of sick. Whatever happened to real people in real spaces? I have a hunch that just one evening spent with one of those people will give us a stronger sense of proximity and closeness than months of random "poking" and "wall posts" on facebook. It is a very weird thing to feel "left out" of something that is so impersonal to begin with. So, even though I will not stop using facebook because it is an interesting and even entertaining way to stay in touch with some people it will never replace real relationships and the goodness of being able to look at a persons eyes, hear them laugh, listen to them talk, and see them smile.

my nephew

Zachariah James


Tabitha and Zachariah

Luke and Zachariah

It's good to share beautiful pictures of wonderful people.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

gunshots and carjacking

So, I the grey outside is making me feel sad even though I have so much to be thankful for.

Yesterday, I met one of my students as she walked out of the classroom. She had a very sad look on her face. I said, "What's the matter?" She said, "I'm sad." I said, "I'm sorry, what's wrong?" She said, "My sister is in the hospital." I looked at her and said, "I'm so sorry, what happened to your sister?" She said in a sad yet matter of fact voice, "She got shot three times."

Stunned.

I gave her a hug. What do you do with that kind of reality?

A couple of weeks ago we were talking about "real fears" and "imagined fears". Like, you should be afraid of the cars speeding down the street but, maybe you shouldn't be afraid of the monsters under your bed. Anyway, as we were trying to talk about this one of my most serious and well-behaved students --in response to "What are some things that we really should be afraid of?"-- said, "Carjacking."

Everything inside of me stopped.

What would make him think of "carjacking"?

That weekend I spoke to his teacher and she told me that his family had been carjacked the week before we had that conversation. A man got into the car with the whole family in it, put a gun to his father's head, and told him to drive. My students father wouldn't do it until the man let the children get out of the car (with a gun to his head!). What a traumatizing experience to have!

Sorry I'm Late!

This is great, you should watch it:

a summer with panama


So, I just realized that the Smithsonian Latino Center is focusing on Panama this summer! How great is that?

They are going to have the Bannabá Project from Panama a group that reinterprets the indigenous music of Panama (Kuna, Emberá, Ngöbe-Buglé, and others) and combines it with genres like jazz, pop, calypso, and other Caribbean rhythms. This is going to be so good! The concert will be on Saturday, July 25.

In August they are going to have a "A Commemoration and Discussion of the 1989 U.S. Invasion of Panama". I lived in Panama in 1989 when the US Military invaded Panama to overthrow Noriegas government. Betty Brannan Jaen will be one of the panelists that will be discussing the Invasion. I grew up reading her articles in La Prensa. It should be such an interesting conversation. it will take place on Wednesday, August 5.

And then in September --this is incredible-- they are going to have Rubén Blades the most famous Panamanian musician, composer, and actor, talk about his perspective on the history of Latin music in the US. I am so excited about this, I wish I didn't have to wait until Thursday, September 24.

There will be a few other events in DC that will be featuring Panama. I'm so excited, I love my little Panama!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

josh ritter


Today, I realized that I am going to miss two fantastic concerts and I'm kind of disappointed. So, I decided I'd chat about it for a minute. So, last year, I went to my first concert EVER and it was so fun. I got to go see Josh Ritter. Now, obviously, since it was my first concert, I didn't have anything to compare it to I am no authority on the subject but, I thought it was fantastic. He has such a great presence and he just smiles while he sings, it's so great.

Anyway, I'm going to miss two great concerts and if you live anywhere near either one of these venues you ought to go see them. The first concert that I'm going to miss is a FREE concert with Josh Ritter performing orchestrated arrangements backed by the fabulous New York Pops in Central Park. That is going to be so good.

The second concert that I am going to miss is Josh Ritter playing at the Egyptian Theatre in Boise, Idaho with Blind Pilot. Ironically, I am going to see Blind Pilot in a couple of weeks, they've got some good music. But, Blind Pilot with Josh Ritter?! It couldn't get much better than that. Such a sad day for me! If you live in Idaho you MUST go see them, if nothing else for my sake!

rain and idaho


I just have three things to say this morning:
  1. I LOVE thunder and heavy rain at night.
  2. There are very few things I enjoy more than hosting people, making food, creating a welcoming environment and making people feel at home and at ease.
  3. Marilynne Robinson grew up in Idaho.

Monday, May 25, 2009

knowing people (part II)

"Knowing people" is not something that happens once and then it can be checked off as an accomplished task.

In some ways, one of the important parts of continuing friendships over years and distance is accepting that people grow and change and that this does not mean that you have never known each other, it just means that you have to continue to discover these "new" things about each other.

New friendships are easy because you are expected to ask all of the basic questions and you get to know that person at their most current state of being, old friendships have to be "re-discovered" and if you cannot take pleasure in the constant re-aquanting and change you will become frustrated and afraid. Being "known" is only attainable to the degree that we continue to be delighted in each other and the ways that people grow and change.

The other day I had this experience where I realized that I had somehow missed my friends newest favorites and I felt really bad. I started to wonder if I really knew my friend or if I was just some stranger who was enjoyed from time to time. Then, I caught myself and realized that the length of time that I've known someone means that at one time I know what they preferred years ago and that adds a type of depth to finding out that today they like something different that is more significant than merely knowing the fact that "this is your favorite today." It marks a type of change that is much more akin to being "known".

When my old friends realize that I like something now that I didn't enjoy before sometimes they help me see how I have changed in ways that I hadn't even noticed. So, I feel a little bit less insecure today than I did yesterday. It made me sad at first that I felt like I didn't know my friend and then I got a little bit excited about how the people we love are always going to surprise us a little and there is always something new to be learned about them. That is so fun!

You don't know me

Last week, something very odd happened to someone I know. She was having a phone conversation with her best friend since her youth who, in spite of years and distance remained as one of her closest and beloved friends.

As they were talking her friend started asking her strange questions like "Do you know what my favorite singer is?" "Do you know what my favorite food is?" "Do you remember the name of my dog?" She was kind of taken aback. "Well," she stammered, "I think your favorite food is spaghetti isn't it?" She listened for a yes over the static on the phone but, all she got was silence so, she kept talking feeling more and more nervous as she tried to answer, "Isn't your favorite singer Bob Marley?" silence, "Wasn't your dog's name Tango?" a long silence followed.

"What is wrong?!?" my friend said in a explosion of confusion. On the phone she heard a quiet whimper and a shaky voice, "I thought you KNEW me" she cried out and my friend heard tears stream down her friend's face. My friend was taken aback and was deeply hurt by the emotions that her friend was holding in and not expressing openly.

"I do know you," my friend said feebly... "No, you don't!" her friend replied quickly. "Tango died years ago, Bob Marley stopped being my favorite after you moved away, and I stopped liking spaghetti as much when I discovered that Thai grilled chicken salad from that cooking magazine that you sent me. Don't you remember??" she practically yelled in exasperation.

"I don't understand," said my friend, "I haven't been at your house since you got your new dog, Bob Marley was your favorite at one time, and you never told me that you received that magazine I sent you! How was I supposed to know?"

I've been thinking about this ever since and I have come to this realization (it is nothing new just good to realize). "Knowing people" is not something that happens once and then it can be checked off as an accomplished task.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

dragons

I need to confess.

I have a few dragons who keep me awake at night from time to time. Of course they are not real but, they SEEM real. Because they are not real they tell me lies, lies, lies.

My confession is that from time to time I actually believe them. They turn my eyes inward and tell me measure life by the standard of my own achievements or ability. It is not good, it is dark, hopeless.

Then, suddenly, I look up and away.

The true source of goodness is –thank God!-- not in me.

No person or place is too poor to be beautiful or too broken to be healed. Once again, I am not too consumed in darkness that I cannot see the hope. God please do not let me forget that “Your love endures forever.”

Monday, May 18, 2009

I'm an Aunty!

Yay! As of 9:01am today, I am officially "Aunty Hannah" to Zachariah James!

worries and blessings

I've been a little more worried than usual in the past couple of days about what is going to happen to me next year. I know that I shouldn't worry. I know that God is good and will provide for me.

I also know that in spite of my worries I am so blessed. I live with wonderful girls. I am in an interesting city and am part of a really good community. I am really happy right now, in spite of my worries.

We loose sight of so many things when we worry. We miss out on the good things in life. So, I'm trying not to worry. With that thought, I think there were times during college that I missed out on some fun because I was worried about stuff.

One thing I will never regret is the time that I spent in the downtown East Side of Vancouver. I just found this video made by my university featuring one of the coolest profs at my school and the East Side. I have MUCH to be thankful for.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

"Honey when you doubt my love for you
Looking in my eyes what I'm going through"

Saturday, May 16, 2009

el sentido de la novela

"Una novela, después de todo, no es un documento histórico,
sino una manera de viajar por el corazón humano."
Julia Alvarez

Friday, May 15, 2009

enchanted by the Word

First, I fell in love with the Word, and then the spirit in it --the Inspiration-- and then (was it inevitable?) I fell in love with the Author who cannot be separated from the words and the spirit of the words because they are all mixed up and yet, they are all separate. "In the beginning was the Word."

It all started with the words that I read and loved. At first, I thought I loved the words but then I realized that it was the spirit of the words that captured me and filled me with wonder. Later, much, much later I saw that the words had an Author and that the Spirit came from and filled the Author who carefully chose the words. Without the Author the Words would not have been filled with the Inspiration that moved me.

Tonight, I had such a lovely experience. I went to see a documentary film called PALAVRA (EN)CANTADA (The Enchanted Word). In Portuguese the title is much more powerful because the word "enchanted" so obviously has the word "sung" in it. The film was lovely, an experience filled with music and nostalgic reflections on the power of story, poetry, and music. I loved the tensions felt about drawing from the richness of history and literature and the beauty of the colloquial, improvised music that is filled with rhythm, and makes you want to live, to dance.

I hope that I will always be as easily "enchanted" as I was tonight. I often feel captivated by the unusual things around me. I am particularly interested in what it is that gives people inspiration to create. The desert can be a source of inspiration, literature, a city, the masses of people, solitude... all of them can give you something wonderful. A glance, a spoken word, music played softly... the come filled with Inspiration from the Author.

I'm in love with the Word and the words...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

the maddening capriciousness of the creative process



Ok, I promise that I won't keep just posting videos but, this is also SO good!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

uma vez eu tuve uma ilusao


This video is not really worth watching, the song is beautiful. Just close your eyes and listen. I love it. "Porque nao me deixei tentar vive-la feliz."

A rose by any other name...

would smell just as sweet? This [Shakespeare Had Roses All Wrong] is a super interesting story that was aired on NPR Morning Edition. The story is about the influence that the language we speak has on the way that we interact with and perceive the world. I love language and I think that this is fascinating.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

the paradox of choice



Unfortunately, I identify with this, having too many options is paralyzing.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

today I wish...

Today, I wish that I was more like my friend Lauren. She loves criticism, she feels loved when people point out areas where she can grow and do better. I wish I could say that I feel the same way on the inside when someone has something critical to say about me but, I don't. I feel defensive and afraid. Criticism is NOT the same thing as rejection but, if you take the the wrong way, it feels like it.

Anyway, someone said something critical about me yesterday and I've been thinking about it and my reaction (mostly my reaction) all day. I am actually really thankful for the criticizm so, maybe I'm becoming more like my friend after all!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I forgot to mention that I'd like you to be here now

This is a funny one...

I got to see Mason Jennings the other day... "you are the love of my life..."

it's not you, it's me...


So, I just want to clarify something. I just realized that every time that I have passionately said in the past "THE CHURCH NEEDS TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE POOR", what I meant was "I (as a part of the Church) need to be in relationship with the poor".

I don't think I've had a more obvious yet significant realization in years. My frustration "with the Church" is not really valid, if I am the part of the Church that longs to be with the poor, when I get to be with the poor --then the Church (as a result) is being with the poor.

Of course, I believe that the Church should be caring for the poor. I also believe that no one should be doing this alone. There are others in the body who long to be with the poor as much as I do and as we find each other, we ought to be loving the poor together. The rest of the body can/should support this (through prayer, financially, etc.) without it being their primary call just as I need to support the things that are on other people's hearts even if those things are not my primary call.

It is not an excuse for anyone to not reach out to their neighbor but, it is freeing for me. I know this is SO obvious but, I hadn't seen it this way before.

harpers ferry

This was the view I woke up to on Saturday morning in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia. Lovely.


Monday, May 4, 2009

beauty

I think THIS is beautiful.

New President in Panama

Yesterday, Panama elected a new president. Ricardo Martinelli won the national elections by a landslide, with over 60% of the votes compared to his closest rival, Balbina Herrera, who received about 36%. This is the biggest recorded margin in a presidential election in Panama since 1989.

I have to admit that even though the options weren't that great, it is always good to see such a fantastic turnout and to see the Panamanian people participate in the political process peacefully. The election of Martinelli continues mix up the interesting conversation about the political trends of Latin American leadership.

As La Prensa said in its editorial today, "Our congratulations to the winning candidate need to be accompanied with caution: resounding victory is not a blank check, it is the deafening scream of the Panamanian people who are demanding that their better sons govern the country with honesty and social justice, and that they do in the palace what they promised on the streets."
live the questions now... R.M. Rilke