Living with lovely friends is a good thing.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Ash Wednesday, T.S. Eliot
Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the agèd eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?
Because I do not hope to know
The infirm glory of the positive hour
Because I do not think
Because I know I shall not know
The one veritable transitory power
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there is
nothing again
Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce the blessèd face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice
And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us
Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care Teach us to sit still.
Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.
V
If the lost word is lost, if the spent word is spent
If the unheard, unspoken
Word is unspoken, unheard;
Still is the unspoken word, the Word unheard,
The Word without a word, the Word within
The world and for the world;
And the light shone in darkness and
Against the Word the unstilled world still whirled
About the centre of the silent Word.
O my people, what have I done unto thee.
Where shall the word be found, where will the word
Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence
Not on the sea or on the islands, not
On the mainland, in the desert or the rain land,
For those who walk in darkness
Both in the day time and in the night time
The right time and the right place are not here
No place of grace for those who avoid the face
No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny
the voice
Will the veiled sister pray for
Those who walk in darkness, who chose thee and oppose
thee,
Those who are torn on the horn between season and season,
time and time, between
Hour and hour, word and word, power and power, those who
wait
In darkness? Will the veiled sister pray
For children at the gate
Who will not go away and cannot pray:
Pray for those who chose and oppose
O my people, what have I done unto thee.
Will the veiled sister between the slender
Yew trees pray for those who offend her
And are terrified and cannot surrender
And affirm before the world and deny between the rocks
In the last desert before the last blue rocks
The desert in the garden the garden in the desert
Of drouth, spitting from the mouth the withered apple-seed.
O my people.
VI
Although I do not hope to turn again
Although I do not hope
Although I do not hope to turn
Wavering between the profit and the loss
In this brief transit where the dreams cross
The dreamcrossed twilight between birth and dying
(Bless me father) though I do not wish to wish these things
From the wide window towards the granite shore
The white sails still fly seaward, seaward flying
Unbroken wings
And the lost heart stiffens and rejoices
In the lost lilac and the lost sea voices
And the weak spirit quickens to rebel
For the bent golden-rod and the lost sea smell
Quickens to recover
The cry of quail and the whirling plover
And the blind eye creates
The empty forms between the ivory gates
And smell renews the salt savour of the sandy earth
This is the time of tension between dying and birth
The place of solitude where three dreams cross
Between blue rocks
But when the voices shaken from the yew-tree drift away
Let the other yew be shaken and reply.
Blessèd sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain, spirit of the
garden,
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope
I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the agèd eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I mourn
The vanished power of the usual reign?
Because I do not hope to know
The infirm glory of the positive hour
Because I do not think
Because I know I shall not know
The one veritable transitory power
Because I cannot drink
There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there is
nothing again
Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce the blessèd face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice
And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us
Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care Teach us to sit still.
Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death
Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.
V
If the lost word is lost, if the spent word is spent
If the unheard, unspoken
Word is unspoken, unheard;
Still is the unspoken word, the Word unheard,
The Word without a word, the Word within
The world and for the world;
And the light shone in darkness and
Against the Word the unstilled world still whirled
About the centre of the silent Word.
O my people, what have I done unto thee.
Where shall the word be found, where will the word
Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence
Not on the sea or on the islands, not
On the mainland, in the desert or the rain land,
For those who walk in darkness
Both in the day time and in the night time
The right time and the right place are not here
No place of grace for those who avoid the face
No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny
the voice
Will the veiled sister pray for
Those who walk in darkness, who chose thee and oppose
thee,
Those who are torn on the horn between season and season,
time and time, between
Hour and hour, word and word, power and power, those who
wait
In darkness? Will the veiled sister pray
For children at the gate
Who will not go away and cannot pray:
Pray for those who chose and oppose
O my people, what have I done unto thee.
Will the veiled sister between the slender
Yew trees pray for those who offend her
And are terrified and cannot surrender
And affirm before the world and deny between the rocks
In the last desert before the last blue rocks
The desert in the garden the garden in the desert
Of drouth, spitting from the mouth the withered apple-seed.
O my people.
VI
Although I do not hope to turn again
Although I do not hope
Although I do not hope to turn
Wavering between the profit and the loss
In this brief transit where the dreams cross
The dreamcrossed twilight between birth and dying
(Bless me father) though I do not wish to wish these things
From the wide window towards the granite shore
The white sails still fly seaward, seaward flying
Unbroken wings
And the lost heart stiffens and rejoices
In the lost lilac and the lost sea voices
And the weak spirit quickens to rebel
For the bent golden-rod and the lost sea smell
Quickens to recover
The cry of quail and the whirling plover
And the blind eye creates
The empty forms between the ivory gates
And smell renews the salt savour of the sandy earth
This is the time of tension between dying and birth
The place of solitude where three dreams cross
Between blue rocks
But when the voices shaken from the yew-tree drift away
Let the other yew be shaken and reply.
Blessèd sister, holy mother, spirit of the fountain, spirit of the
garden,
Suffer us not to mock ourselves with falsehood
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks,
Our peace in His will
And even among these rocks
Sister, mother
And spirit of the river, spirit of the sea,
Suffer me not to be separated
And let my cry come unto Thee.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
fragile waiting
I really like the words fragile and tender. I think that most of the time I am feeling fragile and desire tenderness from those around me. Even though, this doesn't mean that you cannot be strong and fragile at the same time but, I think that it's true that part of what makes us all human is that we're fragile even if we don't want to admit it. Often, the things that hold us together physically and emotionally really are not that strong.
This past weekend I went back to the Eastern Shore to be with my friends from the Academy. I guess I was feeling fragile. That is all. It was good. It all felt a little less clear and yet a little bit more beautiful at the same time.
Recently, I've been painfully aware of how impatient I can be. I am waiting to hear back from a friend and wish I didn't have to wait. The truth is that there is something very good about waiting just as long as you keep living life as fully as you can, just as it is, today, now.
Waiting shouldn't be the same as "stopping". I think that maybe waiting is like a process of becoming aware. You are so conscious of your "wishes" that you should be ever so much more intent on the here and now because if not when you stop waiting you will not realize that it happened.
This past weekend I went back to the Eastern Shore to be with my friends from the Academy. I guess I was feeling fragile. That is all. It was good. It all felt a little less clear and yet a little bit more beautiful at the same time.
Recently, I've been painfully aware of how impatient I can be. I am waiting to hear back from a friend and wish I didn't have to wait. The truth is that there is something very good about waiting just as long as you keep living life as fully as you can, just as it is, today, now.
Waiting shouldn't be the same as "stopping". I think that maybe waiting is like a process of becoming aware. You are so conscious of your "wishes" that you should be ever so much more intent on the here and now because if not when you stop waiting you will not realize that it happened.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
it is so late...
It is so late but, I'm filled with enough joy and sadness that I need to write some of it down. I'm filled with the joy of having friends that I love. Last night I got to speak to a friend in the UK, my brother in Idaho, and another friend in California. It was so good, so refreshing to speak to people who know you well and have known you over a long period of time.
This morning I received an email from very dear friends who told me that they have lost their job and that suddenly their lives are completely up in the air. A bit discouraging, frightening, and disheartening. I was so surprised by the news and felt the sadness of what that means and also was filled with gratitude for the ways that I'm being provided for. Ok, maybe they are odd jobs that I'm doing, they are good and the best thing is to be completely present to them and the people around me in them.
I had a challenging day with the kids and then went to a homeless shelter. Which is hard. I haven't been in that kind of an environment for a while. I spoke to a couple of the residents and hearing people's lives fills me with joy, sadness, and admiration. Afterward, I was very tired as we celebrated a birthday and continued to engage people. I came home and continued to love the people around me and yet, at the same time, feel a bit at a loss. I'm not sure if I know how to best love others sometimes. Staying up late listening is about the only thing I think I know to do...
I'm going to be tired at work tomorrow... I guess that would be today already.
This morning I received an email from very dear friends who told me that they have lost their job and that suddenly their lives are completely up in the air. A bit discouraging, frightening, and disheartening. I was so surprised by the news and felt the sadness of what that means and also was filled with gratitude for the ways that I'm being provided for. Ok, maybe they are odd jobs that I'm doing, they are good and the best thing is to be completely present to them and the people around me in them.
I had a challenging day with the kids and then went to a homeless shelter. Which is hard. I haven't been in that kind of an environment for a while. I spoke to a couple of the residents and hearing people's lives fills me with joy, sadness, and admiration. Afterward, I was very tired as we celebrated a birthday and continued to engage people. I came home and continued to love the people around me and yet, at the same time, feel a bit at a loss. I'm not sure if I know how to best love others sometimes. Staying up late listening is about the only thing I think I know to do...
I'm going to be tired at work tomorrow... I guess that would be today already.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Now... for a quiet evening
Recently, a friend has chosen silence over the inane communication that can occur through mediums like this one. Sometimes, that sounds so appealing and yet, at the same time, I know that this medium provides the comfort of communication for certain people that I think is important. Just a little glimpse into your thoughts and your world --by email perhaps-- helps remind me of why we are friends, that we care about each other even though we are far away, and many other little things.
I realize that this is in no way a replacement of 'real' relationships but, it is a way to remind those that are far away that we are continuing to grow, think, and love. Nothing personal enough to replace the real thing but, something particularly unique to remind us of how great it is to share life with others.
I got to enjoy "sharing life with others" today. After the great fun of my Portuguese class yesterday and meeting up with new and old friends at Church. This morning we --at the yellow house-- got to host so many good friends for a mid-morning brunch. It was great! Everyone brought such good things and it was fun to have our house filled with friends, conversation, food, and music. All five of us love having people over, hospitality is such a great way to express love for others.
After the wonderful brunch, I got to go over to a soccer field to play a little of 4 on 4 soccer. It was so good! I hadn't played soccer in months! I don't know if I can describe how good it was to get out, to run around, to kick the ball around... ah. So good. I would play soccer every week if I had the opportunity. It is so much fun and it just feels so good to play outside. It was a little bit chilly, it even started to snow for a few minutes while we were out there. But, we all had a blast.
Now for a quiet evening... lovely.
I realize that this is in no way a replacement of 'real' relationships but, it is a way to remind those that are far away that we are continuing to grow, think, and love. Nothing personal enough to replace the real thing but, something particularly unique to remind us of how great it is to share life with others.
I got to enjoy "sharing life with others" today. After the great fun of my Portuguese class yesterday and meeting up with new and old friends at Church. This morning we --at the yellow house-- got to host so many good friends for a mid-morning brunch. It was great! Everyone brought such good things and it was fun to have our house filled with friends, conversation, food, and music. All five of us love having people over, hospitality is such a great way to express love for others.
After the wonderful brunch, I got to go over to a soccer field to play a little of 4 on 4 soccer. It was so good! I hadn't played soccer in months! I don't know if I can describe how good it was to get out, to run around, to kick the ball around... ah. So good. I would play soccer every week if I had the opportunity. It is so much fun and it just feels so good to play outside. It was a little bit chilly, it even started to snow for a few minutes while we were out there. But, we all had a blast.
Now for a quiet evening... lovely.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
enjoying every moment as much as I can
I love quiet Saturday's like today. It has been lovely. I guess it probably all started with a great Friday evening. I had dinner with some good friends at the new restaurant in the neighborhood. Then, we went (running!) to the opening night of an art exhibit at Touchstone Gallery where one of my friends from church has her art up. It was really great to see friends there. I enjoy art.
I have a friend who told me that given the excitement with which I re-tell my work at the Charter School that maybe I've found my "calling". I reminded them that I only spend 3.5 hours there and I am not sure if it would be my calling to spend all day in that type of challenging environment. I DO love the kids though. Later, I told someone else that I think my calling right now is to "enjoy every moment of whatever I am doing at the moment." Even so, education is certainly at the top of my list of things that I enjoy doing.
This morning I slept until the sunshine woke me up. I had random and pleasant conversations with my different housemates as they got up and started their days. I went for a little walk to the Franciscan Monastery up the street and went to the grocery store. After eating lunch and listening to Ben Harper, I went for another walk to the local branch of the library. I love being able to walk to the library!!
Going for walks, reading, studying for my Portuguese class, and doing some random writing has been the best way to spend this Saturday!
I have a friend who told me that given the excitement with which I re-tell my work at the Charter School that maybe I've found my "calling". I reminded them that I only spend 3.5 hours there and I am not sure if it would be my calling to spend all day in that type of challenging environment. I DO love the kids though. Later, I told someone else that I think my calling right now is to "enjoy every moment of whatever I am doing at the moment." Even so, education is certainly at the top of my list of things that I enjoy doing.
This morning I slept until the sunshine woke me up. I had random and pleasant conversations with my different housemates as they got up and started their days. I went for a little walk to the Franciscan Monastery up the street and went to the grocery store. After eating lunch and listening to Ben Harper, I went for another walk to the local branch of the library. I love being able to walk to the library!!
Going for walks, reading, studying for my Portuguese class, and doing some random writing has been the best way to spend this Saturday!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
the sock hop made my day
Well, today we had a sock hop at school. Everyone in the extended-day program was supposed to bring crazy socks and then we had a "sock hop" where we all just danced around the cafeteria for about an hour. It was so much fun.
Our kids are the best dancers ever. I mean, these kids are 7 and they are already showing some incredible hip-hop and break-dancing potential. It was such fun. It really did make my day. I have to admit that I had really wanted to get to know something about DC that was more "real" or authentic than Capitol Hill where everyone who works there is not really from DC and I think that I've found it. I love it. I feel so grateful.
It's hard, really because sometimes it's hard to get the kids to be respectful and listen and yet at the same time, I love them. They're so funny. So, I'm learning that love is firm as well as fun.
Anyway, thinking about calling. Learning, the future, etc. What will become of me? I'm glad for the variety of experiences in my life up until now, it's good.
It's hard, really because sometimes it's hard to get the kids to be respectful and listen and yet at the same time, I love them. They're so funny. So, I'm learning that love is firm as well as fun.
Anyway, thinking about calling. Learning, the future, etc. What will become of me? I'm glad for the variety of experiences in my life up until now, it's good.
ira made my day
Yesterday, I got to go see and hear ira glass speak at BORDERS in DC. I went with my housemate Rachel and we bonded over our shared appreciation of ira's witty sense of humor, delightful appreciation of life, and brilliant ability to tell stories and capture your imagination and attention.We arrived an hour and a half early to secure a good seat. As we waited expectantly with the other early-comers I thought about how odd it was. In some ways it made me feel guilty, being a fan of ira glass represents something about my level of education and life experience. As the crowd grew it looke very college-educated, white and young. I guess it doesn't matter.
I love hearing ira talk about telling stories, about people, and just about life in general. He is an optimist and yet, he doesn't particularly shy away from the gloomy and darker sides of life. I like that. I guess that is why I love This American Life. It just shows how you can be intensley amused by the most random people and events, you can be reflective about most things that happen to you, and best of all it all shines a type of hopeful light on life.
The last time I was so excited to see a "famous person" was when I got to meet Ishmael Beah. Some of you will remember that...
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